


Unbearably Close

by WarmestWishes



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Although It Is Sexual, Angst, F/M, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, No Sex, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Self-cest, Slow Burn, Toxic Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:59:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 63,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarmestWishes/pseuds/WarmestWishes
Summary: After an attack from two vengeful gems, Steven is left gemless and unable to fuse back together with his other half. As a weakened Steven and his worried friends make attempts to fix the situation, Steven's gem becomes less and less certain that he wants to fuse back together at all.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Pink Steven Universe/Steven Universe
Comments: 117
Kudos: 365





	1. Prologue

All he wanted to do was go for a walk. Was that too much to ask for?

Well apparently, it was, because a peaceful fifteen-minute walk through the woods nearby Little Homeworld turned into an ambush lying in wait of him.

As serious of a situation as it was, Steven had to admit that he wasn’t wholeheartedly surprised by the gems who had confronted him. It wasn’t the first time he'd been in a situation like this before. Heck, he’d been narrowly surviving lethal gem-encounters since he was twelve-years-old. He’d been through worse. However, since the dismantlement of the Diamond Empire, Steven had come to realize that there were now a plethora of newly freed gems who had a bone to pick with the acclaimed “Savior of the Galaxy”, and these sort of things were starting to become a regular occurrence for him.

Sometimes, they were higher ranking gems, sore about the privilege they had lost in the dismantlement of the empire. Sometimes, they were simply gems who happened to like the way things had been run before, or had a problem with the way Steven was choosing to run things now. Most of the time, however, the gems he had run-ins with held some form of Pink Diamond-related grudge. Those who understood that Steven was is own person, separate from Pink Diamond, often times sought to “avenge” her death, blaming Steven wholeheartedly for it. Those who couldn’t wrap their heads around Steven being his own person, separate from Pink Diamond, came around with the hellbent intent of either serving him or shattering him.

Steven had long-since accepted that these confrontations, one after another, would continue happening for the foreseeable future. In complete honesty, he didn’t think that they’d ever stop. There were _countless_ gems still out there, so many of them with unresolved issues and nothing but newfound time on their hands. Steven was certain that there were plenty more of them planning to confront him in the future, or on their way to do so right now. There were just too many people left without closure after Pink Diamond's story had been revealed, and unfortunately, it fell onto Steven's shoulders to provide these people with it.

Steven suddenly felt very tired just looking at the gems in front of him.

This time, the gems with a grudge to bare happened to be a Jasper and a Rose Quartz. From what Steven could gather, they weren’t out to shatter, but rather, the two of them had some choice words that they wanted to share with Pink Diamond herself. At first, this had put Steven at ease. It was much easier to handle gems who wanted to get straight to talking rather than just hashing it out first. However, his initial attempts to talk things out with the two of them proved to be futile.

It wasn’t _him_ they wanted to talk to.

Advancing in on Steven, their attempts to grab him and to hold him down soon spiraled into the fight that Steven was hoping he wouldn’t have to deal with today. Forced to face the gems, the majority of the fight consisted of Steven defending himself, blocking attacks with his shield and protecting himself within bubbles all while he tried to talk the two of them down, to get through to them, to convince them that Pink Diamond was really _gone._

However, neither gem seemed to be listening to him. In fact, neither gem seemed to be focused on Steven at all, actually, let alone what he was trying to say to them. Even if they were listening, Steven doubted that either of them truly believed him, anyways. Constant swipe, and jab, and messy attempt to grab at his gem eventually made it painfully clear to Steven what they were trying to do.

They wanted his gem. _Just_ his gem.

The moment that the realization hit him, Steven felt his body break out into a cold sweat, stomach twisting up into knots as bright, intense flashes of a long-since buried memory now played throughout his mind.

_White Diamond- Fully convinced that his mother was still there. Still alive. Buried and hiding somewhere inside of him. Fully convincing **him** of the idea, too._

_Her head ship- Sparkling. Spotless. Humming in the still, tense silence after **it** had happened._

_The Crystal Gems- Devoid of color. Devoid of life. Speaking in **her** voice. Mocking him with **her** laughter._

_Her hand- Digits curled tightly around his body, squeezing the breath out of him as he struggled. Sharp, black nails steadily drawing closer._

_His gem- **It was-…!**_

It was enough to make Steven lose his focus.

Knocked to the ground while he was distracted, Steven was pulled free from the memory as he fell back into reality. He barely had enough time to throw a shield over top of himself before angry fists were colliding with it, repeatedly banging down on it's surface and effectively pushing Steven lower and lower to the ground. Before he could be pushed too far down, Steven managed to slip out from under his shield. Fight-or-flight instincts kicking in, Steven took off through the woods and away from the gems, with the Jasper and the Rose immediately giving chase to him.

Taking advantage of his floating powers, Steven jumped high up into the trees, shaking as he hopped from branch to branch, climbing higher and higher into the foliage before he finally managed to escape from the gem's sight, momentarily losing them. Once he was certain that it was safe, and the gem's voices were nothing but angry mumbles down below, Steven slumped down onto a branch, taking a moment to catch his breath. Steven squeezed his eyes shut and rested a hand over his racing heart, still reeling from the memory he had just been forced to recall.

It was a memory shared solely between White Diamond, Connie, and himself. The others, although present, were left without memory of the event, White Diamond’s mind control having effectively blocked it from their minds. The story was eventually shared with the Crystal Gems afterwards, but as to whether or not White Diamond had chose to tell Blue and Yellow, Steven had no idea. However, he _did_ know that the event wasn’t common knowledge amongst any other gems. As far as he knew, the only people who were aware of it were the people who had been there when it happened. Well, them and his dad.

With that in mind, Steven reminded himself that these gems didn’t truly believe that Pink Diamond was gone. They wanted to _see_ her for themselves, to talk to her, face to face, just like White had wanted to. They had no idea that it wouldn’t work, because they had no idea that her gem had taken on a new form, a new _life_ , as Steven's other-half. Steven didn't know how exactly his other-half worked, let alone how he would begin to explain it to the two revenge-crazed gems down below. However, he did know that those gems wouldn't believe him unless they saw it for themselves, and that was something Steven had no intention of letting them do.

Literally shaken from his thoughts, Steven sat up quickly as the tree he was perched in began to vibrate, loud thumps sounding from it's base as the gems repeatedly struck it. Within no time, the gems had managed to split through the wood, and the tree fell into a slow sway before eventually toppling over, sending Steven jumping up into the air to avoid the fall. Landing back onto the ground, Steven found himself within sight of the gems, who immediately turned to face him. Fight-or-flight instincts kicking in for a second time, Steven found himself settling into a fighting stance, opting to hit back this time rather than to run or to defend himself. If he could just manage to poof the two of them, he could bubble them and bring them back to the temple. It would be safer to deal with them there, with Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl around. They would be able to help talk them down, as well as provide backup if things were to go wrong again.

With a game-plan in mind and two angry gems approaching, Steven actively began throwing shields and swinging bubbled fists, holding his own against the sudden barrage of attacks from the Jasper, who had manifested a hammer-esque weapon from her gem before swinging it at him. Steven managed for a few minutes, narrowly dodging swings and nearly landing a few of his own before a familiar, electric-buzzing sensation jolted through his body, catching him off guard.

He immediately recognized the feeling – _It was a destabilizer -_ The Rose Quartz had managed to get him with it while he was focused on the other gem, stabbing him square in middle of his back. Whether or not the two knew Steven was immune to poofing, it didn’t matter. The destabilizer only managed to stun him for a moment, more out of sheer surprise than anything else. However, that one moment was all that the Jasper needed to land a blow to the side of Steven’s head, and that was all it took to take him down.

The hit sent Steven flying across the woods, only to be halted as he slammed back-first into a tree, falling before collapsing heavily onto the ground, breathless. Sprawled out in the dirt, Steven desperately gasped and wheezed in an attempt to take in air, unable to retrieve all that had been knocked from his lungs. The frantic attempt to regain his breath only aided in growing the dark spots now clouding his vision. Between the blow to his head, the struggle for oxygen, and the steadily declining adrenaline in his system, Steven struggled to stay conscious. The attempt to pick himself off of the ground only aided in welcoming an intense dizzy-spell to wash over him, sending him crumpled back onto the dirt floor, where he wound himself up into a tight ball.

As the gems made their way over, Steven finally managed to suck in a breath, quickly heaving in as much of the air as his lungs would allow. Far too quick and far too eager to breathe, Steven found his vision growing darker and darker with each erratic intake of air. With an icy pit now forming in his stomach, Steven knew that he wasn't going to make it. With one last ditch effort to defend himself, he enveloped his body within a glossy, pink bubble, falling limp inside of it as the gems came to stand before him. With a hand cradling his temple, and the other pressed protectively over his gem, the sounds and vibrations of the gems attempting to break their way through were the last thing that Steven could register before blacking out.

* * *

The first thing that Pink Steven registered after bursting into consciousness was that his other-half, laying motionless on the ground, was being blocked from his line of sight by the two gems who stood before him, the two gems who had _attacked_ them both a moment ago. The gems in question, who were now attempting to speak directly to him, were quick to blur from his line of sight as he zeroed in on whatever parts of Steven that he could see. The Jasper and the Rose's words fell onto inattentive ears as they spoke, at first confused by their supposed Diamond's appearance, but swiftly shifting into intense and unbridled anger towards him.

_Something about a war. Something about the friends that were lost within it. Something about the trauma that it had caused. About how it was all **Pink’s** fault. Because she had wanted to run away._

_Something about a bubble. Something about the time that was lost because of it. Something about a stigma that still persisted amongst gems. About how it was **Pink’s** all fault. Because she had pretended to be one of them._

Whatever accusing stories and pointed blame that the two were trying to cast his way, they didn’t matter. Not one bit of it mattered. He was not the same Pink Diamond that they spoke of in their stories, and therefore, their troubles were none of his concern. There was only one person whom he felt concern for, only one person who mattered to him, only one person who he cared about, and that was the person lying unconscious on the ground, just a few feet away from him.

_Steven was his first, and only, priority._

Taking a step towards his human-half, the gem attempted push past the Rose and Jasper blocking his path, only to be shoved back by them. The two gems demanded that Pink Diamond answer them, react to them, _apologize_ to them. However, the only response that they received was an empty, uninterested stare from the gem. His eyes held no recognition towards the two of them, nor did they hold any emotion for the stories that they had to tell. As furious and frustrated as the two gems seemed, they didn’t appear to be entirely surprised by his lack of response. Their expressions soon shifted from anger and expectation to visible disappointment. The Jasper turned her attention away from him to face the Rose Quartz.

“Get the rejuvenator.” She instructed.

Sensing conflict arising, Pink Steven summoned up a jagged, geometric shield as the Rose pulled a metal rod from her gem. With a push of a button the weapon burst to life, static popping off the scythe as it burned bright with a dangerous energy. The Rose tossed the other weapon in her grasp, the destabilizer, over to the Jasper. Within a moment after the exchange, the two gems were at him, weapons reverberating off of his shield as they struck it at full force.

The fight didn’t last for more than a minute total, starting with the gems being knocked back by the force of the Diamond's shield. The Quartz was knocked onto the ground, but the Jasper was quick to spring back to life, lunging at him once again with the destabilizer outstretched, ready and eager to strike. Pink Steven hoisted up his shield and threw it at the gem in one fluid motion, knocking the weapon free from her hand as she approached. The destabilizer broke immediately upon making contact with the shield, falling from the gem's hand and down to the ground in several bits and pieces.

Quick to recover from the loss of the destabilizer, the Jasper materialized her hammer-esque weapon once again, furiously swinging it at the Diamond, who was swift and calculated in dodging her attacks. Materializing a jagged, geometric dome around his form, Pink Steven watched as the Jasper stopped, lifting her weapon up and over her head as she prepared to smash the dome with it. Mid-fall, and just moments before her weapon would collide with it, the dome's surface abruptly burst out in a barrage of spikes, catching the Jasper off guard as one of them violently impaled her form, the tip of it pushing through her stomach and exiting out of her back. Letting out a strangled and pained grunt, the Jasper's hammer dematerialized, leaving her hands to fall helplessly onto the spike. She lifted her head to give her presumed Diamond one last hate-soaked expression before her body burst into a puff of smoke, leaving her gem to clatter to the ground before rolling into and resting in the grass.

Catching the Rose Quartz sneaking around in the corner of his eye, Pink Steven's dome began to shrink, re-forming into another shield that came to hover above his arm. Whipping around to send the shield flying, the Diamond underestimated just how close the other gem had managed to get to him. He watched in slow-motion as the blade of the rejuvenator came down, slicing through his form and severing his body from the shoulder to the hip. His eyes met the face of his attacker, just in time to watch as the shield he had flung sliced through her form, cutting her in half straight through the stomach. The two pink gems, in horrified silence, watched as each other's bodies fell apart, bursting into puffs smoke before evaporating into the air, just as the Jasper’s body had done not even a moment ago. 

In the seconds before his form dissipated, Pink Steven reached out an arm towards his other-half, still sitting unconscious and unaware of the situation from so painfully close-by. Pink, outstretched fingers reached for him before exploding into smoke, and the gem of the Diamond dropped to the ground, rolling away from the Jasper, the Quartz, and the rejuvinator that had all fallen before him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next 
> 
> Chapter 2: In which a gem without memories meets someone very special.


	2. Figuring This Out

It became apparent to the gem that he couldn’t remember anything before reforming a moment ago. Everything before that was drawing to a blank.

He turned his head to scan his surroundings. Green foliage and bright blue skies.

_Unfamiliar._

He lifted his hands to his face, turning them over to inspect the glowing, pink skin.

_Unfamiliar._

He looked down to his feet, suddenly aware of the fingertips now settled just a few inches in front of them. The hands, he realized, looked exactly like his own, despite their lack of color and luminescence. The sight of them instantly caused something strange to lurch within the gem's stomach, his body ringing full-blown alarm bells that this was, in fact, something of vital importance.

_Familiar…?_

The gem crouched down to better inspect the person at his feet. They were laying on their stomach, head bowed and hands trembling as they desperately attempted to push themselves further, to get closer to him. From the dirt trapped beneath their fingernails, and the trail of disturbed earth that laid behind them, it was apparent that the individual had drug themselves over to him, unable to pick themselves up for one reason or another. Letting that information sink in, the gem also picked up on the fact that this person was talking, albeit quietly. Straining himself to hear, the gem could make out that they were whispering the same word and/or request repeatedly, although he couldn’t quite tell what it was. Curious, the gem reached down to slide his fingers underneath their chin, intent on lifting the person's head in order to better hear what they were saying.

However, before he was able to fully carry out the motion, the gem was struck by an intense and _overwhelming_ feeling as soon as he made contact with the person. Simply touching them sent what felt like a bolt of electricity through his body, jolting him into sitting upright and freezing his fingers where they had settled. The feeling eventually faded out into a dull buzz, although, it didn't fully dissipate. Instead, it left his body feeling warm and heavy, in the most strange and satisfying way. It felt... it felt like he had become _whole_ again, as if there was an emptiness that had sat inside him before, unnoticed until it had just been filled up. It left him feeling so much more content and at ease within his own body, something that he hadn't realized he had needed.

Apparently, the feeling must have been a shared experience between the two of them, because the moment that they made contact with one another, the stranger on the ground was quick to fall silent. Staring down at them, the gem also came to realize that the stranger's hands had come to stop shaking. In fact, their entire body seemed to have regained a little bit of strength, the individual now finding it within themselves to lift their head up on their own. The gem's fingers followed in suit, unconsciously intent on maintaining contact.

The first thing that the gem noticed about this person face were their brown, tear-filled eyes staring up at him, hopeful and... _pleading_ for something that the gem didn't fully understand. Those red-rimmed his eyes sported prominent, dark circles beneath them, and although the gem had no frame of reference, he couldn't help but feel that this person’s face was abnormally light in color, aside from a faint splotch of red that sat on their left temple, with a few spots of purple seeming to be budding within it. It was an unpleasant sight for the gem, and yet, he didn't even understand _why_ that was. He didn't understand what kind of mark that was, who this _person_ was, or the extent of the obviously weak state that they were in. However, he did understand one thing, and that was that there was something _very_ wrong with this person, and for some reason, it was important _-_ no, it was _crucial_ to make sure that they were okay.

An overpowering urge to be near this stranger, to be _close_ to this person, surged through the gem, and he wasted no time in fully dropping to the ground, pulling the stranger up onto his lap. He allowed the stranger to wrap their arms around his shoulders, and although the gem was confused by the gesture, he returned it, wrapping his own arms tightly around their midsection. He could feel the other’s warm, fast-falling tears on his shoulder, along with their fingers curling to grasp desperately at the fabric on his back.

He didn’t know who this person was, why this was happening, or even exactly _what_ was happening, but he did know, somewhere deep down, that this was a good thing. This was something that was supposed to be happening. It felt so immensely _right_ for the two of them to be holding each other like this. A tension, which he hadn’t even realized his body had been holding, was fast to melt away in the embrace. Every curl and release of the other person’s fingers sent a satisfying thrum throughout his body, and the gem soon found a breath of air escaping from his mouth, reveling in the feeling as he shut his eyes, content to sit like this forever. He hadn't realized that anything was wrong until the person in his arms suddenly spoke up.

 _“Why is-_ …? Why isn’t it working? Why aren’t we fusing?” They asked. Their voice was quiet, soft, and quite obviously confused. The gem loosened his hold on them, allowing the individual to slide out of the embrace so that they could be face to face with one another, still grasping at each other's arms.

_Fusion? Is that what they wanted?_

“Do we- we need to dance? Or- or spin? Like before?” They asked, all to the gem’s confusion. The only response that the gem managed to give back was a puzzled look and a slight tilt of the head, making it clear that “before” wasn’t something that he understood. The stranger's face immediately flashed with concern upon getting that response.

“Do you-... remember before?” They tried again, only for the gem to continue on staring blankly.

The person shifted in his arms, sliding off of his lap and settling onto their knees, hands resting on the gem’s shoulders as they shakily brought themselves up onto one knee. They wanted to stand up. “Here. L-let me- Can you-?”

Wordlessly, the gem placed his hands onto the other's waist, rising to his feet and bringing them up along with him. Despite having appeared to regain a bit of strength, the stranger still clung hopeless onto the gem's shoulders in order to keep upright, their body still fairly weak and unable to fully support itself. However, they kept going despite their difficulties. Wrapping their arms around the gem's neck, they shifted their feet closer to his, hesitantly lifting one up and letting it hover in the air. Their eyes flicked down, uncertain, before rising to meet the gem's gaze.

“Can I-?” Before they could finish the request, the gem’s hands were under their arms, firmly grasping as he lifted the other up into the air and off the ground, only to settle them back down on top of his own feet. The moment that the action was completed, a twinge of familiarity rang through the gem’s body. This, too, felt like something important, something _good_. So, the gem looked back up at the stranger, awaiting their next instructions.

“Good! Okay. Now- now, we spin.” They said, eyes now shining with a newfound glimmer of hope and anticipation. A soft smile suddenly formed onto their lips as they spoke. “… Do you remember spinning with me?” They asked.

And _that_ -… _that_ sent something entirely different through the gem’s body. The absolutely sincerity and sweetness of the other’s voice, of the question in itself, stirred something strange and restless up within the gem's chest. Filled with a new, desperate eagerness to become a part of whatever memory this person was offering, he gripped at their sides a little tighter, and spoke for the first time since bursting into consciousness.

 _“… Show me.”_ He requested. His voice came out soft, echoing in a ghostly manner. The reflection of it was lively, full of emotion, but the sound of it was robotic, detached and unnerving. It was an odd combination and a strange sounding voice, but this didn’t seem to faze the stranger. Their arms slipped from the gem's neck down to his shoulders, adjusting so that they could look back down to their feet once again, shifting theirs on top of the gem’s in an attempt to lead.

“Okay, we just- start moving- in a circle- like this.” They said, and with slow, gentle guidance, they leaned against the gem and lead him into a delicate spin, allowing him time to get the hang of it before they picked up a little speed, spinning in quick, fluent circles while keeping each other grounded. The two of them could feel a warmth spreading throughout their bodies, fast and exciting and peaceful all the same. Baffled by the feeling and dazed by the experience, the gem’s eyes shifted from the spinning environment around them to land on the other’s face. The stranger's eyes were shut tight as a result of the wide smile that had grown on their face, laughter steadily bubbling out of their mouth and shaking their entire body. Upon seeing this, bright flashes of a forgotten memory burst through the gem’s mind.

_His form- Bursting to life after having been disturbed. Shifting into a variety of shapes and sizes before finally settling on and manifesting into himself._

_Someone- Bright and tall and angry. Demanding his attention. Attacking him after having failed to receive it._

_A person- A wet, tear stained face. Pale skin and sunken eyes. Pleading. Reaching out to him._

_And then- This. Spinning. Crying. Laughing. Light. The feeling of becoming whole again._

Coming to from the sudden memory, the gem's attention immediately snapped to the other’s face with a rejuvenated intensity. Everything began slowly clicking into place.

_This person in front of him… was a human._

_And he… he was a gem._

_A gem, like any other gem, with a purpose._

_And his purpose… was to be whole._

_To be whole with his other-half._

_And this person, right here, was his other-half._

_Together, they were one, whole person._

_Together, they created an incredible warmth- an indescribable kind of love that overwhelmed the both of them into bubbling laughter and warm tears._

_They needed each other._

_They needed to be with each other._

Reveling in the realization, the gem also came to realize that the expression his other-half wore mirrored his expression straight from his memory. However, the look was placed over top of a slightly different, slightly _older_ , version of the boy’s face.

_How long ago did that memory happen?_

_How long had it been since he, himself, had existed?_

_How long had it been since he was stood in front of his other-half?_

_Able to look at him?_

_Able to hold him?_

_Able to-…?_

Utterly lost in thoughts and questions about the person in front of him, it took the gem a moment to realize that he, himself, was smiling, spilling the same bubbling laughter that his other-half was. Longing to stare at the human's face, but even more desperate to be close to him, the gem tore his eyes away in order to engulf the other into a tight hug. Spinning and laughing, the gem felt hot tears leak from his own squeezed-shut eyes. Gradually, a bright light emanated from and surrounded the two of them, engulfing them both until nothing but light remained between their two forms. He hugged with a renewed vigor as the light blinded the world around them. A deep tug at the core of his being urged him to get closer-

Get closer-

_Get closer-_

**_Get closer-!_ **

… but he couldn’t.

It wasn’t enough. He could feel his body aching, longing to utterly melt into the other’s being as the light that once shone brightly around them now began to dim. He could feel the momentum of their spinning bodies coming to a slow and steady halt, and he could hear the human’s sobs and laughter slowly dying down as well, only to leave soft, breathy laughs and gasps in their place. The gem watched as his other-half slowly settled down against him, face pressed deep against his chest and eyes shut peacefully, the last few tears that clung to his lashes now making their way down his face.

Stunned, blissful silence engulfed the two of them before the human finally found himself able to blink his eyes open again. The gem watched as those blissful, shining eyes slowly adjusted to take in reality, steadily filling with a sudden realization and confusion. The soft, peaceful look on his face disappeared as a look of concern took over in it’s place. He took notice of how the other’s pale skin and dark under-eye bags were slowly starting to fade back in once again.

“Wha-What happened? Why didn’t we fuse?” No longer the strong, bubbling voice it had been just a moment ago, his other-half was back to sounding just as soft and weak as he had before. The human looked to his gem, unsure eyes searching for some sort of answer. The gem, however, simply stared back with the same blank expression as he had before. He was just as clueless as his other-half was.

“Don’t know... ” Was all he said.

After stewing in confusion for a moment longer, the human twisted around in the other’s arms, scanning the surrounding area in hopes of something that could give them an answer. At first, the gem had accommodated the motion, shifting his hold on the other in order to allow him to turn. However, the moment that he felt his other-half make a move to step away, he abruptly pulled him back into a tight embrace, arms squeezing around his torso with far too much force. With an _”oof!”,_ the human found himself being hugged sideways, his hip and shoulder pressed firm against his gem’s body, an uncomfortable position that the gem refused to shift out of. He couldn't help it. The gem was struggling with a deep, instinctual urge to be closer to his other-half, and so he squeezed harder, desperately attempting to get closer.

Closer.

_Closer._

**_Closer!_ **

The harsh reality that they could not, in fact, get any closer than they already were eventually broke the gem free from his desires. Well, that, along with the strangled sounds of distress that he was practically squeezing out of his other-half. He quickly loosened his grip on the other, allowing him to take in a much-need breath of air, and to shift into a much more comfortable position.

“H-hey. Hey. It’s okay. I-I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” The human reassured, voice gentle and empathetic as he looked to his gem-half, flashing him a quick smile. The gem’s eyes bore into him, soaking in his face and revealing in his words. He believed him, although, he still couldn't bring himself to let go of the human anymore than he already had, an underlying concern resting behind his pink irises that his other-half would leave him. For a moment, they stood in place together, with one half itching to stay exactly as they were, and the other half gently coaxing them to do the opposite.

With soft eyes and a kind smile, the human rested his hand on top of his gem's arm, giving it one quick, reassuring squeeze. He repeated his “I promise.” once more, and that was enough to break the tension that had built up between them. The gem found his grip on the other loosening once again, allowing his human-half to turn away from him, back to whatever had caught his attention beforehand. Wrapping his arm around the gem's neck, the human relied him for support as he made his way towards... what appeared to be two gemstones, formless and nestled within the grass.

“I know you want to fuse back just as much as I do.” The human-half said, lowering himself down into a kneeling position, with his gem following in suit. “We’re gonna figure out what’s wrong, don’t worry. We’re gonna fix this.” He assured.

Having now settled onto the ground, the human began to unhook his arm from around his other-half's neck, needing it in order to retrieve the fallen gems. Before the motion was fully carried out, the gem had already coiled an arm around his human’s waist, pressing him close to his side to make up for the impending loss of contact. The human didn't mind, nor did he protest it. He understood the need for contact, and so long as his gem was maintaining it, he could focus his full attention on the gems sitting before them.

The gem-half watched as his human handled the gems with care, taking a spare moment of time to brush off any dirt or brush that happened to cling to their surfaces. Resting them together in his palm, the boy held up them in the air for his gem to see. “Can you bubble them?” He asked.

Although he didn’t have a clue as to who these two gems were, nor as to why his other-half wanted them bubbled, he complied with the request. Using his free hand to hover over the gems, he formed a pink, glossy bubble around the two, only for it to abruptly pop open a moment later. Slivers of pink dissipated into the air, leaving the gems exposed within the human’s palm once again.

Immediately hit with a pang of panic, the human watched in silent fear as his gem attempted to make another bubble, only for absolutely nothing at all to form this time. The two of them turned towards each other, one face thick with concern and while the other was heavy with confusion.

 _“Our powers aren’t working.”_ The human stated, and before the gem could even respond, the human abruptly sucked in a startled breath, something else having now caught his attention. That something in question happened to be the two weapons that the gems had brought along with them. A few feet away from the pair laid the first weapon, the destabilizer. Broken into pieces, the object was out of commission and no longer of concern. However, the sight of the second weapon surged a sickening familiarity within the pit of the human-half's stomach. The gem could feel him tensing up within his hold.

A quiet, panicked _“Oh no.”_ escaped from his lips as he made a move towards the object, mindlessly shifting away from his gem. Slipping loose from the other’s arm, and without the strength to hold himself up, he fell, stomach-first onto the ground with a thud. The gems tumbled out of his palm and rolled back into the grass.

It was only a fraction of a second before the gem was yanking him back into his arms again, pressing him protectively and aggressively close against himself. Despite the wide, blank stare that still stood prominent on the gem’s face, his body was struck ridged, flooded with panic from the brief moment without contact with his-human half. It would be a lie to say that said human’s body hadn’t been flooded with panic in that brief moment as well.

It was just a moment. One, quick moment without contact, but within that moment, the petrifying fear and helplessness of losing his gem, the feeling that had engulfed him all those years ago, the feeling that he had just been forced to relive a few moments ago, had been quick to overtake his body once again. It was within that moment his body had become impossibly heavy, practically immobile. It was within that moment his vision had turned bleary, and the sounds of the woods suddenly became muffled in his ears. It was within that moment the pain residing in his temple was quick to pulsate with an agonizing pressure, and his heart raced in fear of his sudden ailments.

He furiously blinked back the budding tears in his eyes, taking in deep breaths as the immediate relief of being held by his gem washed over his body. His body still felt weak and unsteady, but it no longer felt as heavy as it once did. His bleary vision steadily cleared up, and his stifled hearing gradually turned sharper. The pressure bumping inside of skull faded out into a dull headache, and his heart beat steadied itself once more into a reasonable rhythm. The only issue still persisted in his system was a pit that ate away at his stomach, aching for his body to get closer to his gem.

Closer.

_Closer._

**_Closer!_ **

_“Please-“_ He found himself breathlessly begging, face pressed hopelessly against his gem’s shirt. He didn’t know why he was begging. He didn’t know why the word had tumbled out of his mouth. He knew that his gem powers weren’t working. He knew that they were incapable of fusing back together at the moment. He knew that if the second weapon was what he suspected it was, then it would be a good while before they could even consider fusing back together. However, the request tumbled from his mouth regardless, and the moment that it did, he found himself swallowed up into a bone crushing hug. It was both suffocating - too tight, and frustrating - not tight enough.

It wasn’t enough.

_It wasn’t enough._

**_It wasn’t_ ** _**enough!**_

Both of their bodies ached from the strain and itched with frustration. They were forced, once again, to face the reality that this wasn’t going to happen. The human was the first to make an attempt at regaining his composure.

“Okay. _Okay._ I’m okay. _I’m okay.”_ He repeated, eventually managing to calm himself down enough to slacken his grip on the other. His head remained bowed for a moment, pressed against his gem’s chest to indulge in one more minute of recuperation. Eventually, he managed to bring his head back up, looking to his gem with tired, glassy eyes. “Are you okay?” He asked, worry etched into his voice.

 _“Okay.”_ The gem stated, staring down at his human-half. His voice was quiet, and although his mouth was still settled into a neutral line, his eyes were incredibly intense. The human didn’t miss the way that his gem’s hands seemed to unconsciously curl and uncurl around his arms, as if reassuring himself that he was, in fact, making contact with his human-half.

_It looks like both of them were pretty shaken up over this._

The gem watched as his human flashed a quick look back over at the weapons. Before he could even speak a word about them, the gem silently hoisted him up into his arms, much to his surprise. Once secure in the hold, the gem made his way over to each of the various scattered objects, taking a knee in front of each one, and lowering his human-half down just enough to pick them up.

With the two gems, along with the various pieces of destabilizer, now settled in his arms, the human reached down to pick up the very last object, the red, metal stick with a single button and a single opening. He didn’t need to activate it in order to recognize what it was. It was rejuvenator, the same weapon that Spinel had brought to Earth and used against both him and the Crystal Gems nearly two years ago.

“It’s a rejuvenator.” He stated, partially to reaffirm the fact to himself, and partially to inform his other-half. He looked back up the pink version of himself, a fresh expression of worry blooming on his face. “Did they hit you with this?” He asked. The gem stared back blankly, a single blink being his only response. Although it wasn’t much, that alone was an answer enough.

_He didn’t remember._

The human shifted the rejuvenator, along with the other objects, into the crook of his arm, lifting the other one up so he could rest a hand on his gem’s shoulder. A frown settled onto his face as he scanned the pink, glowing eyes staring down at him. He searched for any signs of recognition, of emotion, of _anything_ other than the emptiness or the confusion that he had been showing _._ “Do you remember anything…?”

The gem was quiet for a moment, eyes having shifted to fixate on the hand now atop his shoulder. After the brief moment of silence, he crooked his neck to the side in order to rest his cheek on top of the hand, eyes shutting peacefully at the new form of contact. “… Remember fusing.” He mumbled.

Slightly surprised by the gesture, but much more focused on the information, the human flipped his hand over in order to cup the other’s cheek, gently tilting his head back up, prompting the gem to open his eyes again.

“Is that all that you remember?” He questioned. The gem stared back once more, racking his mind for information, for memories, for anything else that might be left up there other than the one memory. After searching for a moment, the gem’s eyes became half-lidded, and the blank stare he’d been sporting suddenly became much softer. “… Remember _you.”_

“You remember who I am? Who _we_ are?” The human eagerly prompted, however, his questions fell onto deaf ears. The gem’s eyes were shut once more, zeroed back in on their contact. He only gave a small hum in response.

“ _Steven._ Our name is Steven. Did you know that?” Steven tried again. The gem’s eyes opened slightly at the newfound information.

“Steven…” he tested, softly, fondly. _“_ _Steven…”_ He spoke again, whispering. His voice, to Steven's surprise, sounded as if he had just discovered one of the most incredible things in the whole wide world. It sounded _amazed_. It sounded starstruck. “Steven…” With the third and final affirmation of the name, the gem tried to wrap his mind around why it sounded so utterly wonderful to him.

It was because it felt so utterly _right,_ the gem concluded. It felt familiar, in an overwhelmingly comforting sense that he couldn’t quite describe. Like... a puzzle piece, that had just found the spot that it fit so snugly into.

It felt like _home._

 _Steven_ was the name that they had called themselves.

 _Steven_ was the name of his other-half.

And said _Steven_ in question watched as something close to a smile tugged at his pink self’s lips. “… ‘s nice.”

Despite the positive reaction, it was painfully clear that the name wasn’t something that the gem had previously remembered, nor did it seem to evoke any new memories out of him.

_That wasn’t good._

Disappointed, and just the slightest bit frustrated, Steven made the move to pull his hand away, only for the gem’s shoulder to jerk up, keeping the hand firmly pressed against his cheek. Steven froze, wide-eyed and taken aback by the action, all while the gem continued to stare at him, eyes bright and intense. There was no malice or anger behind the stare, however, the message behind it was crystal-clear to him.

**_Don’t._ **

Baffled by the behavior and completely unsure as to how to go about it, Steven complied, leaving his hand exactly where it was. After a beat, the gem seemed to have realized what he had done, an expression close to shock crossing over his face. As if taken aback by his own actions, the gem lifted his head and lowered his shoulder, freeing Steven’s hand from it’s previous position. Steven cautiously drew his hand back, cradling in within the other as the gems and weapons shifted and clinked together between his arms. The two stared at each other for another few beats before Steven decided to clear his throat, his eyes darting away from the pink version of himself. He tried to work past the awkward tension creeping up between them.

“W-we need to head back home. We can start getting your memories back there. The Crystal Gems can help us.” He stated.

The gem holding him tilted his head to the side once more, eyebrows slightly furrowed. The phrase “Crystal Gems” didn't seem to strike unfamiliar, and along with that, the gem began casting unsure glances around the area, shuffling in place as if debating on which direction he should be facing towards. It became painfully apparent to Steven that his other-half didn’t recognize where they were at, either.

Steven was quick to shift up in the gem’s arms, pointing him in the direction that he had remembered running in from. “Here, we came in from that way. I can lead us back to the house.” He said, and with that, the two were off, making their way through the woods and back to their home, where the long journey of becoming whole again would await them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next
> 
> Chapter 3: In which Steven's family loves him very much.


	3. Discovering New Things

To say that the Crystal Gems freaked out upon seeing the pair would be a very polite understatement.

Carried up the house steps by his gem, Steven was met with casual banter that swiftly shifted into shocked, stunned silence upon stepping through the door. Said silence dragged on for a long, heavy moment before the three gems exploded into absolute hysterics, bolting up from their respective seats and flying over to his side. It took Steven the better part of five minutes to get the gems calmed down enough to where he could speak, having been bombarded by their desperate hands grasping at him and frantic question after question tumbling out of their mouths. Steven’s gem watched the fiasco go on with a blank, empty stare as the human in his arms fumbled to explain himself.

Eventually, Steven was successful in assuring the gems that he was alright, and that the pink version of himself who had carried him inside was, in fact, his gem. Taking in the information, the gems eventually managed to settle down, giving Steven a little space and taking a step back, where they finally took in just what kind of state that Steven's body was in.

His face was paled to a sickly shade of white, leaving the bags under his eyes and the blotchy bruise forming on his upper left temple to stand out more prominently. His eyes were tired, his cheeks were stained by tears, and his clothes were stained by dirt. It was evident that Steven was weak, given the fact that he had been carried in and cradled by his gem, unable to make his way up the house steps by himself. Disturbed and concerned, the three quickly coaxed Steven and his gem over to the couch, taking the various objects from his arms before helping him get comfortable.

Once both of the poofed gems had been bubbled, the weapons had been put away, and Steven was comfortable, the three gems settled down into their respective seats besides the pair, eager for the full explanation as to what had happened. One long, weary story later, and Steven found himself leaning his full body weight against his gem-half, the physical and mental exhaustion from the day having finally caught up to him now that he was resting, adding onto his already weakened physical state. The dull ache that resonated in his head was the only thing keeping him awake as he continued talking.

“He doesn’t have our powers, or our memories.” Steven stated, causing the Crystal Gems to each cast a look over at his gem, faces varying between concerned, upset, and confused.

“But that doesn’t make any sense! When you got hit with the rejuvenator before, the only thing that you lost were your powers! Your memories shouldn’t be gone, let alone _his!”_ Pearl stated, desperately trying to understand the issue at hand.

“But that’s the thing, _I_ wasn’t hit with the rejuvenator. At least, I don’t remember being hit with it.” Steven explained, shifting his head to look up at his gem, who returned the stare with blank look of his own. “I think only _he_ did, after they took him out of me. I think he got reset, just like the three of you did.”

At that, it was Amethyst’s turn to chime in. Up until now, she had been restlessly drumming her fingers along the coffee table, attempting to get a hold of her various emotions as she took in the information. “But when _we_ got reset, we all turned back into our old selves, back when we all had jobs and purposes and junk.”

“But Steven didn’t _have_ a purpose! His gem was _Rose’s_ , and she-…!” Whatever words Pearl had intended to say quickly died off on her tongue. The others seemed to have understood what she had meant, as each one of them now cast an apprehensive glance at the pink, glowing entity sitting on their couch.

“So, does that mean…?” Amethyst started, suddenly suffocating on the heavy atmosphere now building up in the room. Although everyone’s focus was on the pink gem, he didn't seem to take mind of it. He returned their stares, unblinking and unconcerned with their growing suspicions.

_“So…_ Stev- uh… _Pink_ _Steven_. Do you-… remember what kind of gem you are…? What your old purpose was?” Pearl questioned, albeit hesitantly. It was evident that she didn't want to be asking these questions, but she needed to. They were necessary in order to have a solid grasp of the situation that they were dealing with, whether or not they liked the answer to it. If their fears were to be confirmed, then they might have been in for more trouble than they had originally thought.

Pink Steven glanced downwards, his eyes landing on the location of his gem, and his hand moving to settle on top of it. Without much need to think it over, he answered the questions. “Diamond… I am a Diamond.” He stated, lifting his eyes to meet everyone else's, who stared at him with a growing anxiety. “My purpose…” he began, turning his head to stare at his other-half, who had now settled into an upright position of his own, wearing the same rigid expression as the others. The gem slid his hand over on the couch until it came to rest on one of Steven's, giving it a quick, reassuring squeeze before continuing. “… is to be whole. To be Steven’s other-half.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, the atmosphere in the room lightened considerably, everyone letting out sighs of relief from the breaths they had been holding in. They all drooped from the release of their built-up tension.

Well, that was one problem out of the way.

“Good, good." Pearl sighed, sitting up a little straighter and folding her hands together, composing herself. "Now that that’s settled, we can set our focuses on getting your memories and powers back.” she affirmed.

“Once we do that, you’ll be able to fuse again.” Garnet added, a small smile now sitting on her face. The tone of her voice was heavy with relief.

“So, what was it that worked for you back then, Steven?” Pearl asked.

Steven shifted in his seat once more, leaning back onto his gem’s shoulder now that he was sure everything was alright. He allowed his gem to intertwine their hands together as he got comfortable. “It had to do with the fact that I changed as a person, from all of the things that I’d been through over the years, and all of the things that I’d learned. But…” Steven began, an uncertain look settling onto his face. “I don’t think that’d work for him? I mean, a big part of what brought my powers back was remembering that my human-half had powers, too. That I had the ability to grow up, y’know?”

The gems each exchanged concerned looks with one another, fretful that the situation might take a bit longer to fix than they had hoped.

“Well, we’ll just have to go over as many things as we can, then. As many memories as we can.” Garnet stated.

“Would that even work? That’s 18 _years_ worth of life lessons and experiences! We couldn’t possibly go over it all!” Pearl exclaimed.

“Yeah, and even if we did, it would take _way_ too long. Just look at Steven!” Amethyst added, her hand gesturing over to the boy. He had shown no signs of improving since he and his gem had first walked through the door, the only sign of change being that Steven now looked much more tired than before. From the way that he was slumped over onto his gem-half, it was apparent that he had little energy left to work with, too. “He can’t stay like this forever! Isn’t there something _faster_ we could do?” Amethyst insisted. Although her voice was coming off as harsh, it was very apparent that the outburst was only coming from a place of concern. Amethyst's love and protectiveness for Steven was shining through, bright and angry.

“Well, I suppose we could try something else, but-...“ Pearl started, frowning as she looked over at the pair. “… I don’t think that there’s many other things that could fix a situation like this. He needs his gem powers back so that they can fuse, and in order to get those back, he needs his memories.” She stated, an uncertain look creeping onto her face, and her voice suddenly dropping to become low and quiet. “At least, I _think_ that’s what he needs.” She added.

Garnet watched as Steven's face fell at the comment, his gaze now casting to the floor. She watched as his hand nervously fiddled with the pink, glowing fingers between his own. He looked so weak, so tired, so... _scared._

Unable to stand the sight of it, Garnet slapped her hands onto her knees and abruptly stood up from her seat, causing both Amethyst and Pearl to fall silent. She stepped past the two of them to stand in front of Steven, who looked up at her, surprised and confused by her sudden action. Before he could ask her a thing, Garnet reached down to rest a hand atop of his head, ruffling his hair for a moment before allowing her hand to slide down his face, gently gliding over the bruise on his temple as it made it's way to his cheek, stopping only to caress it.

Steven shivered at the touch, the cool feel of Sapphire’s gem on his face, and especially on his injury, being awfully nice. His human body was working overtime to remedy the loss of his gem, although there was nothing that could be done to help it. His face was warm and sweaty, his body was flooded with fatigue, and it felt an awful lot like being sick. The sudden gesture of affection from Garnet felt an awful lot like the caring touch of a mother, something that Steven couldn’t help but crave.

Just a year or two ago, Steven had gone through a phase of being embarrassed by the gem’s motherly displays of affection, just as most teenagers are destined to feel embarrassed by their parents from time to time. However, after a handful of touchy situations, hurt feelings, and heart-to-heart conversations, he was quick to outgrow the phase. Steven was willing to embrace the gem’s affection, and the gems were willing to treat Steven a little more like a grown up. Although, as an eighteen-year-old, Steven still had some trouble allowing himself to be weak or vulnerable in front of the gems. He wanted to show them that he could take care of himself now, that they didn't need to worry about him so much anymore, and that he was capable of handling his newfound responsibilities as an adult and as “Savior of the Galaxy” on his own. However, in his miserable state, Steven couldn’t help but swallow whatever pride he held onto, allowing himself to fully lean his face into Garnet’s palm, shutting his heavy eyelids for just one moment. Just one moment to rest.

Just one moment of weakness.

And in that moment, Garnet’s heart melted. It was rare that she’d get moments like this with Steven anymore, and so she soaked it in, affectionately brushing her thumb over his cheek. She took the moment she had been given to look over in his features, noting all of their subtle changes. _So much older now,_ and yet, it still felt like just a day ago Steven was the goofy, bubbly 12-year-old boy, begging to come along with them on their gem-adventures. Garnet didn't know if that was because human time went by so quickly, or because all parents were fated to feel this way.

But now... Now, Steven looked so tired, so worn out, so _fragile_ with the loss of his gem. Despite the peaceful look now resting on his face, his eyebrows still remained faintly furrowed, tense against the strain that his body was being rung through. Despite the soft, deep breaths that drew in and out of his mouth, Garnet couldn’t help but notice how they were escaping through his teeth, his jaw unconsciously stiff, showing off just how wound-up the boy really was. Garnet wondered if he looked this pained, this drained, this _ghostly_ back when it had first happened. Back when he was just a kid.

The reminder that she had been there when it happened, standing mere feet away, oblivious to the attack and unable to protect him from it made something hot and furious start to bubble up inside of her. She could feel her hand starting to tense and tighten over Steven’s cheek, and she promptly removed it in fear of squeezing him too hard.

“… Everything is going to be alright. Pink Steven will keep you safe until we can fix this. We’ll work as fast as we can.” Garnet stated, her voice coming out much more stiff and low than she would've liked. It very clearly displayed the emotion she was trying so hard to conceal, the frustration that was steadily building up inside of her. "There's no need to worry, Steven." She added, softening her voice as much as she could. She offered Steven a reassuring smile, to which he immediately returned, grateful.

"Thanks, Garnet." He said, seeming to have been effectively calmed down and reassured by her efforts.

_“Oh!_ I can go dig up some of your old baby boxes! We can go through those for a start!” Pearl exclaimed, excitement building up in her voice as she stood up. She began to ramble, explaining how it had been so long since she’d been through those boxes, and how many things they had managed to save back from when Steven was little. Garnet nodded through her talk, gently ushering her off to retrieve the items after it was evident her talking wasn’t going to slow down anytime soon. Amethyst took her eyes off the two of them in order to look back at Steven, the frown on her face showing off that she still wasn’t completely convinced by the idea.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be alright? I mean, you’re okay as long as Pinkie’s here, right?” She asked, skootching closer from her spot on the floor until she was able to rest a hand on top of Steven’s knee. He gave her a small, half-smile, and it was evident that he was too tired to pull off the full thing. At the very least, he was trying his best to assure her that he was okay. "Yeah, I-I think so. I feel better when he's around, definitely."

As the two continued talking, neither of them took notice when Steven’s gem copied Amethyst’s gesture, setting his free hand onto Steven’s other knee with a light, curious touch, a strange expression forming onto his face.

“Okay, dude. If you’re sure you can tough this out, we’ll do the memory thing. We’ll get yours back for you, just like you did for us.” She said, a newfound determination growing in her voice. Steven smiled back in appreciation, and Amethyst couldn’t help but bite down on her tongue, stopping herself from saying anything more.

It absolutely killed her to see him like this, so sick and weak looking. It wasn’t how things were supposed to be. It wasn’t fair that things were like this.

_It wasn’t fair that things like this kept happening to him._

He didn’t deserve any of it. He didn’t deserve to have the pressure of living up to Rose. He didn’t deserve the responsibility of piecing together her story for her. He didn’t deserve to be hunted down and _hated_ by so many people for the things that _she_ did.

He shouldn't have been expected to fix everything, he shouldn’t have been expected to be everyone's therapist, and he shouldn't have been expected to be the galaxy's savior, but here he was, _Mr. Savior of the Galaxy_ _himself,_ trying to reassure her that he was alright, despite the fact that he clearly _wasn’t_ alright, how it was _okay_ to if he wanted to admit that he wasn’t alright.

Amethyst hated how with Steven’s growing age, he was becoming less and less willing to open up about his problems, about how stressed out that he was, about any of the things that he had been quietly bottling up over the past few years.

Amethyst hated how much Steven reminded her of herself.

Well, this time, _they_ were going to save _him_ , not the other way around. This time, Steven was going to sit back and take it easy while the gems handled the problem. Amethyst was going to make _sure_ it happened that way.

As if sensing her emotions building up, Garnet stepped back over to the others, placing a hand on Amethyst’s shoulder. She gave it one good reaffirming squeeze before looking down at the three of them, determined and ready to help.

“Alright. Let’s get to work.”

* * *

The gems had spent the rest of the day showing off Steven’s belongings to his gem-half, telling him stories, and walking him through the beginning of Steven's life. They talked about the day Steven had first moved in with them, his first mission with them, his first time fusing with them, every old and fond memory that they could recall.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, everyone was quick to find themselves laughing and smiling over the past memories, shifting into a laid-back and lighthearted mood as they went around in a circle, bringing up anything and everything that came to mind. There were so many stories to tell, so many moments to recall, and they barely got through any of them before the afternoon had shifted into night, leaving Steven growing more and more weary as the sunlight faded out from the windows.

Unable to keep awake any longer, Steven passed out with a warm smile on his face and his head settled onto his gem's shoulder. The Crystal Gems continued to tell their stories to his gem-half, voices hushed and laughter soft. However, they weren't able to get much further before Pink Steven's attention drifted away from them, and over to his human-half. He observed Steven's sleeping form intently, and the gems didn’t miss how something soft and warm began to glow within those pink eyes upon doing so. Their stories might not have brought back any of the gem's powers yet, but they were kindling something else, some form of emotion, and that was enough to satisfy the three of them for now.

Agreeing to call it a night, considering Pink Steven didn't appear to be fully listening anymore, the gems got up and got to work putting Steven to bed, his gem-half trailing closely besides them in order to keep contact. After a little while, only Pearl and the pink gem remained within Steven's bedroom, the other two each having made their way to their respective parts of the house at some point. Pink Steven stood at the very end of the bed, hand resting over-top of the covers and directly over Steven's foot, watching as Pearl finished up her work, tucking his human-half into bed and gently adjusting the covers around him.

Staring down at Steven, Pearl found herself hit by the realization that it had been _years_ since she had last tucked him into bed. As he got older, Steven had grown to become more and more independent, no longer needing her help with tasks such as this anymore. Although it was supposed to be a normal, natural progression for humans like himself, Pearl found herself struggling with the changes, and adjusting to Steven's constantly shifting needs. She was certain that if he was awake, Steven would be whining about how he could put himself to bed. Back in the day, it would have been the other way around, with Steven begging her to tuck him in, and Pearl awkwardly complying with his requests.

Slowly, she found herself dwelling on the fact that she had spent so many years resenting Steven after he was first born. How, once Rose was gone, she’d spent so much time avoiding Steven, refusing to interact with him, and refusing to form any sort of emotional connection to him, because he was the thing that had taken Rose away from her. _He_ was the reason that she was gone.

Pearl remembered how she couldn’t even bare to look at him sometimes, because she was afraid of what she might do if she let her anger get the best of her, if she let her grief take over her, if she... Pearl shook her head and blinked the tears back from her eyes. She thought about how long it had taken her to start feeling any way other than that, how long it had taken her to start healing past the pain she had felt back then, how long it had taken her to truly start caring for the boy in an honest manner, to start loving him the way that Rose had intended her to, the way that she had hoped everyone would.

Overwhelming shame and regret washed over the gem. Heck, even the baby box she had been so eager to pull back out today hadn’t been accumulated by her. That was all _Greg’s_ doing. He had been the one to insist they hang onto most of those old things, as mementos, he had said. At first, Pearl struggled to understand why he was so insistent on keeping so many of the things that Steven outgrew. Nowadays, Pearl had trouble when Steven so much as wanted to donate or throw away anything at all. The only thing that kept her from hoarding each and every one of Steven’s discarded belongings was the fear that her room would soon be akin to Amethyst’s if she did so.

Pearl stared down at Steven... Greg's son... Rose’s son... _Her_ son, and pulled the blanket up a little higher over his shoulders. She wondered how many things she must’ve missed out on during those years, how many more times she would have been able to tuck him into bed like this, had she been willing to, had she not been so bitter.

_If only she-…_

Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Pearl's eyes now widened in surprise, taking notice of how Steven's face had suddenly become pinched and distressed. He rolled slightly under the covers in an uncomfortable fit, letting out a small, strained moan, something within his mind or his body causing him obvious discomfort. Pearl’s face flashed bright with concern, and she immediately brought her hand up to his hair, smoothing it back in slow, soothing strokes. "I-it's okay... It's okay..." she assured, voice breaking slightly as she attempted to get a hold of her emotions.

After a few more attempts at this, Pearl had to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t working, and that her touch and her voice were doing nothing to provide Steven with the comfort that she was so desperately trying to give him. Eyes darting over him in worry, she eventually caught sight of the pink, glowing gem at the end of the bed, who's eyes were wide and zeroed in on her hand atop Steven’s head. Although his expression was blank, his eyes radiated with curiosity.

Pearl smiled wearily at him, his appearance a perfect reflection of her Steven, but his demeanor and glow so distant and off-putting. She took a step back from the bedside, gesturing at the gem to take her place. With a slight tilt of the head, Pink Steven took the steps necessary to stand in her place, looking up at Pearl for confirmation. After receiving an encouraging nod from her, the gem slowly lifted his hand to rest atop Steven’s head, just as she had done. Immediately, Steven seemed to relax, his pinched features quickly smoothing over, and his body soon stilling underneath the covers. Just the light touch from his gem, skin to skin, rather than through the bed-sheets, seemed to be exactly what he needed in order to rest in peace.

Face visibly brightened, the pink gem tested the contact by flexing his fingers, gently curling and uncurling them between the locks of Steven’s hair. Steven let out a faint sigh, his face deepening in sleep as his breaths became slower, more restful.

Pearl smiled warmly down at the two of them, whatever skepticism she had held towards the gem now completely dissipated. She gently reached down to take the gem’s hand, pulling him alongside the bed and ushering him up into it as well. Slowly, she helped the gem get settled into place alongside Steven, his hand reaching back up to nestle in his hair once comfortable.

Pearl smiled, pressing a kiss onto both of their foreheads and whispering a goodnight. She exited the room, and the soft patter of her footsteps slowly faded out as she made her way to the back of the house, entering into her room through the temple door. Pink Steven continued with the slow, gentle movement of his fingers through his other-half’s hair, watching as the human’s face grew more and more at ease with the touch.

An affectionate smile passed over the gem’s mouth, and he experimentally drug his hand down the side of Steven’s face, settling it on top his cheek and brushing his thumb over the area, just like Garnet had done earlier. As he tested the new form of contact, his eyes wandered to rest on Steven’s forehead, on the spot where Pearl had pressed her lips up against both of their faces.

As the Diamond continued to stroke Steven’s face, he wondered, just briefly, what that gesture had meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next
> 
> Chapter 4: In which the thing that you all clicked on this fanfic for finally starts happening.


	4. Making An Effort

The gems had been busy at work while Steven was asleep.

Having made multiple phone calls and warp pad trips throughout the night, they had the entirety of the day planned out for Steven and his gem. First, they would be heading over to Little Homeworld, where Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot would reintroduce themselves to Steven's other-half, recall their own memories with Steven, and hope that their stories might evoke a few new memories or powers out of the Diamond. The three of them had been given the entire night to prepare themselves, as well as to plan out anything that they wanted to do or show him that could be of help. As of now, the trio were currently stationed at Little Homeworld's warp pad, waiting and at the ready to help jog the pink gem's memory once he arrived.

The second half of the day would be spent back at home, so that Steven could rest and recuperate if the first half proved to be too exhausting. This part of the day would be Greg and Connie’s turn with Steven's gem, as well as their turn to both look after and care for Steven. This was because, if the Little Homeworld trio provided no results, the Crystal Gems would be using this time to make a few trips of their own, attempting to find something else that could possibly aid in the situation, as per Amethyst's request for a 'faster' solution.

However, before they could even start the day off, the morning had proved to be very difficult for Steven.

He woke up feeling only mildly better than he had the day before, although he could hardly feel relieved by that, considering the injury he had suffered gifted him with a lovely headache upon awakening. He was lucky that he hadn't suffered a concussion, although, with the way his head painfully throbbed, he might as well have. Slowly breaking free from the haze of sleep, Steven came to realize that his gem was laid loyally besides him, staring at him with unwavering pink eyes, and grasping at his hand with one of his own. Steven offered his other-half a warm, tired smile before the two of them got up, and Steven slowly but surely got ready for the day.

Unfortunately, Steven found that he still struggled support himself upon standing, even with the contact from his gem. Even worse, the simple task of changing into a fresh pair of clothes proved to be an enormous chore for him. Steven eventually came to realize that constant contact and assistance from his gem-half were a _must_ if he was going to make it through the day, and luckily for him, his gem seemed nothing less than eager to help. Working together, the two managed to get him sufficiently dressed, and Steven found himself scooped up into his gem's arms before they made their way downstairs, where the Crystal Gems were waiting for them both with breakfast and cheerful smiles.

Although Steven hardly felt hungry, which he suspected was due to his gem-situation, he managed to stomach at least half of the protein shake and a couple bites of the scrambled eggs they had made for him. Despite the gem's blatant concern over how little Steven had eaten, they chose not to press him too much over it, silently accepting that he had done the best that he could, and resigning themselves to simply being grateful that he had managed to eat anything at all. After Steven had finished eating, and Pearl had finished cleaning up, the group made their way over to the warp pad and headed off to Little Homeworld, where they hoped Pink Steven could remember a little more about the person he had once been a part of.

* * *

Peridot had insisted on going first.

Prompting the group to follow her to the country-side, she was intent on showing off the location where the barn had once stood, although nothing but a large crater and broken piping were left in it's place. As she lead everyone to the spot, she spoke with Pink Steven along the way, taking him on the long-winded story of how her and Steven had met one another. She spoke about the Homeworld-issued duties that she was carrying out on Earth, about how the Crystal Gems had tried to stop her on numerous occasions, about the creation and the fate of the cluster, and about her loyalty and eventual betrayal of her Diamond. Just as the story was beginning to get a bit too self-centric, Peridot backtracked, and begun to explain all of the things that Steven had opened her eyes up to. She spoke about all of the things he had taught her about the Earth, all of the hidden beauty within the lifeforms that flourished here, all of the little things she had never even stopped to notice before, and most importantly, all of the things that she would have never gotten to discover and learn about herself had it not been for Steven. Peridot was given the chance to grow, and to change, and to experience all of the things that the Earth had to offer, all because Steven had believed in her, had wanted to be her friend, and was willing to help her along the way as she learned.

With her story having finished, and the group having arrived at the crater, they all turned to Pink Steven, curious as to whether or not the story and the scenery had any effect on the gem. Unfortunately, neither of those things seemed to have worked. Pink Steven was still without his powers, and only seemed to hold a faint recognition for the memories that he had been reintroduced to. So, the group moved on, making their way back to the warp pad, and onto the next gem.

Next up was Lapis, who wanted to bring the group down to the ocean to recall her story. Taking a seat in the sand, Lapis revealed to everyone that this was, in fact, the very spot where Steven had pulled her gem out from the mirror. She recalled the war, where she had first been poofed and imprisoned within the object. She recalled being passed down from gem to gem, either to be interrogated as a traitor, or to be used as a tool, only to be ultimately left behind, abandoned, and stored away for thousands of years. She explained how Steven had been the first, the _only,_ person to have shown an ounce of kindness to her in all that time, to have treated her like a person _,_ to have been genuinely curious about and concerned for her well-being. He had rescued her from her prison, and had allowed her to leave at her own free-will, even standing up against his own friends when they had attempted to stop her. She talked about how she had willingly imprisoned herself again, through fusion, on his behalf. She talked about the long, winding road of trauma, progress, relapse, and healing that Steven had so patiently walked her through once she was freed. No matter how many times she lashed out, no matter how many times she ran away, no matter how many times she messed up, Steven was always there, waiting for her with open arms, and ready to talk without any anger or judgment. He was the only person to have ever given her the freedom to make her own choices, and to have respected those choices once she had made them.

Wrapping up the tale, the group turned their attention towards Pink Steven, hopeful that Lapis's story had evoked something new within him. However, her story had provided the same results as the last, with no progress of his powers or his memories to come of it. So, the group got up, and they moved on once again.

Last but not least, it was Bismuth’s turn. She had requested to take everyone down to the forge, where she would recount her own tale of meeting _Steven Universe_ himself. Once they arrived, Bismuth began telling Pink Steven the story. She took him through her old purpose back on Homeworld, meeting Rose Quartz, becoming a member of the Crystal Gems, and fighting alongside them in the war. She recalled the Breaking Point, and the events that lead up to Rose bubbling her away over it. From there, she talked about how Steven had discovered her bubble, released her, and reconnected her with the remaining Crystal Gems. She talked about hearing Rose’s story for the first time, and learning of the lies she had told everyone about ‘losing' her on the battlefield. She talked about taking Steven to this very forge, where she had introduced him to the Breaking Point as well, and where she had a disagreement with him over it, just like the one she had with his mother. She admitted to believing Steven was Rose in disguise, admitted to attacking him, and admitted that she didn't realize Steven was his own person, different from his mother, _better_ than his mother, until he was forced to poof and bubble her away, just like his mother had. Despite everything that had happened, and regardless of what she had done, Steven still found it within himself to unbubble Bismuth once again, graciously inviting her to Garnet's wedding with no hard feelings or callous revenge attached. Once again, he had proven to be a better person than his mother was, not only finding it within himself to forgive Bismuth, but to consider her a friend, still viewing the two of them as equals rather than him being above her in any way.

With the third and final story told, and the first half of the day completed, Pink Steven was left with a clearer image of the person he was a part of, and of the people who had surrounded him in his daily life. Unfortunately, despite everything he had learned, none of the memories seemed to have brought about the gem’s missing powers. The Homeworld trio escorted the Crystal Gems back to the warp pad, disappointed, but not yet defeated.

* * *

The gems had already warped off to their next destination by the time Steven received the text from his dad.

Said message informed him that his dad would be a little late getting to the house, since he was going to pick up some dinner for the four of them after he picked up Connie. Steven shot back an understanding response before sliding his phone back into his jacket pocket. It was just him and his gem in the house now, and the two of them were currently sat on his bed, watching the TV. Steven had clicked on a few reruns of Crying Breakfast Friends, a show he had once loved, to serve as a quick memory-jog for his gem. Despite the fact that the show was fairly entertaining, it was really just serving as a means to pass the time while they waited for the two to arrive.

Somewhere in-between episodes, Steven happened to notice that his gem looked... upset. His shoulders seemed to be tense, and his eyebrows were faintly furrowed as he stared at the TV screen, although he didn’t really seem to be watching it anymore. Steven also took note of the way his gem’s hand, intertwined with his own, had been repeatedly squeezing and relaxing against his palm, as if he were trying to relieve a bit of built-up stress.

“Something wrong?” He asked, and almost immediately, his gem was turned to face him, quickly forgetting about the cartoon in favor of looking at his human-half. Going off the response, Steven guessed that his gem must have been fairly eager to talk.

“They hurt you…” He stated, his voice echoing quietly. Both anger and concern were reflected in it's tone, and Steven had to blink back his surprise at the statement.

“What?” He asked, a puzzled look now settling onto his face. He sat up a little straighter, curious.

The gem shifted his body to fully face his human-half, intense eyes making it clear to Steven that this was something that _seriously_ bothered him.

 _"They hurt you.”_ He repeated.

Steven let that sink in. Was he talking about Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot? He had to of been, Steven reasoned. They had just spent the majority of the day with those three, and the information that the trio provided him with had to be still fresh on his mind.

If that were the case, then-… yes, that was true. The trio had each, at one point, attempted to hurt Steven in the past. It was something that had been touched on in each of their stories. Peridot had monitored the destruction of his planet, Lapis had almost drowned him, and Bismuth had straight up attempted to shatter him. None of those things were to be taken lightly, however, they _were_ all things that everyone had already moved past, had made up for. They were small in comparison to everything else that had happened, all of the struggles that everyone had faced, all of the _progress_ that everyone had made.

“Was that all you took away from their stories?” Steven asked.

“No.” His gem replied, just before lifting his hand up to Steven's face, and resting his palm against Steven’s cheek. Steven's eyes trailed down to the appendage before flicking back up to his gem, confusion heavy on his face as his other-half continued.

“I learned…” The gem began, brushing his thumb over Steven's cheek, just beneath his eye. Just like he had tried last night. _Just like Garnet had shown him how to do._ “… that you are very kind.” He finished, a softer, warmer tone having made it's way into his voice and onto his face.

Steven stared back at his gem, utterly baffled. The gem continued to stroke at his face, and it took Steven a moment to snap out of it before he unlaced their fingers, removing his gem's hand from his face and holding it steady between both of his own. He was quick to retaliate the other’s statement.

“S-so are _they!_ All of that stuff happened a _long_ time ago. We’ve all moved past it now. We’re all _friends_ now.” He explained.

“Did they apologize?” The gem inquired, fingers curling around the hands now clasped over his own.

Now that… _that_ was a question that caught Steven off guard.

Had the gems ever apologized to him? Had he ever heard a direct “sorry” from any them for everything that had happened? For everything they had done?

Well, no, he hadn’t.

But he didn’t _need_ one. Their changed behavior was an apology enough- It was _better_ than an apology. They had actually learned from those things and had taken the action to grow and to change as a result of it. Everyone had made their mistakes, and everyone had grown from them, including Steven himself.

“… T-they feel bad about what they did. They wouldn’t ever try to hurt me, or anyone else, ever again. They’ve _cha-…!”_ Steven’s attempts to defend the three were abruptly cut off as the gem’s hold on his hand became firmer, and his face leaned in just a little closer. There was no malice behind the actions, but Steven couldn't help but feel intimidated by them.

“… Did they _apologize?”_ He repeated, pink eyes shifting to scan over his other-half's face, waiting for an answer.

Staring wide-eyed at his gem, Steven didn’t have time to respond as a knock on the front door interrupted their conversation, with Greg and Connie stepping inside just a moment later, calling out for him.

This was something that was going to have to wait until later.

* * *

It had taken a little time for his dad and Connie to get adjusted to the bright-pink, glowing version of himself in the room. However, it had taken significantly less time for them than it had for the gems.

Greg, who was used to showing up in the middle of strange and bizarre gem-related situations, was quick to accept the oddity, resigning himself to the sidelines to do whatever it was he could to help. Connie, on the other hand, was already familiar with the gem, having been one of the sole three people to have experienced his presence all those years ago. She reintroduced herself to him, and with a quick run-down of how she knew him, the gem seemed to have gained some level of familiarity with her, now vaguely remembering her face somewhere within the memory of him and his human-half fusing.

So, armed with items to show off, stories to tell, and a pizza to be eaten, Greg and Connie took a seat on the couch and got to work with Pink Steven. Connie had brought along with her a bag full of items that she hoped could help. Inside the bag, she had her glow-stick bracelet, a few photographs of her and Steven together, and a couple of books and movies that two had enjoyed together when they were younger, such as Dog-copter and Unfamiliar Familiar. Greg had taken the time to put together a box of things from his storage unit as well. Mainly, he brought with him a photo album of Steven's various birthdays, an old Mr. Universe CD of his, and one of Steven’s staple reddish-pink star t-shirts, which he had sadly come to outgrow not too many years ago. 

Their attempts to bring back Pink Steven’s memories lasted well into the night, and the bunch found themselves cozied into the couches as the sky grew dark, pizza box mostly emptied, and stories mostly told. The gem was still, unfortunately, without the ability to fuse, and the Crystal Gems still hadn’t returned from their various destinations. So, Greg and Connie opted to spend the night in order to keep an eye on Steven, despite the boy insisting that he would be fine.

With Connie nodding off during one of Greg’s tales of parenting, and Steven not too far behind her, Greg wrapped up his story and got to work helping his son to bed. They made their way up the stairs, where Steven promptly plopped himself into bed. The moment that his head had hit the pillow, the boy was asleep, his body exhausted from having powered through another day without his gem. Greg stared down at his son with a frown, running a hand back over his head and fingers through his hair.

He couldn’t help but feel utterly useless in this situation, in _any_ gem-related situation, really. He wanted so desperately to be there for Steven, to make things better for him, to be the wise-old-man that his kid could go to for advice in hard times. Unfortunately, Greg found himself feeling more like a bump on a log more often than not. He was just one guy, one _human_ man. He had the money to support his son and the human heart and mind to offer him life advice, but that was it. There was only so much that he could do for Steven in regards to his gem powers, and one of those things was just… _being there,_ at the ready to help. He would never be able to solve these things for him, let alone be a key-factor in helping solving them.

This afternoon, Greg had choked up a handful of times while recalling stories about his son, with both Steven and Connie being quick to console him. Steven, who soaked up other people’s emotions like a sponge, teared up right alongside his dad, mentioning how much he missed the old days with him, too. Greg didn’t have the heart to tell his son that _'missing the old days'_ wasn't the reason behind his sudden emotion. Although he did miss the days when Steven was little, the real reason he found himself crying were the pink, empty eyes staring back at him, soaking in information without reacting to it. The stories that Greg was pouring his heart into retelling were having absolutely no effect on his son’s gem, and therefore, he was making absolutely no progress in helping his son get better.

Greg Universe had been through a lot during his lifetime, living through his fair share of experiences and hardships. Looking back over it all, Greg swore that there was no feeling, in the entire universe, _worse_ than having to watch your own kid suffer, and being able to do _nothing_ about it. There was **_nothing_** that could make a person feel more _helpless_ , more _useless_ , more _angry_ , and more _heartbroken_ than that... and Greg had experienced that feeling _far_ too many times while raising Steven.

There were far too many times where the gem’s adventures racked him with the fear that he was never going to see his son again. There were far too many times where Greg felt like he was losing his son to the gems, like they were better suit to take care of him, like Steven held more love and respect for the gems than he did for his own old man.

As much as Greg loved the gems, as much as they felt like family to him. and as much as they meant to his son… There were far too many times where Greg had envisioned him and Steven in another life, where he could whisk his son away to some space-adventure-free place where he would be safe, where he could grow up like a normal kid, where he could’ve had a normal childhood, without all of the responsibility and danger that he had been put through in his own.

With overwhelming warmth and love in his eyes, and admittedly, a few tears, Greg leaned down to give his son’s forehead a quick kiss. Upon rising back up, the man met eyes with the pink, glowing version of his kid, settled into a sitting position on the other side of the bed, with a hand resting on Steven’s upper arm. The gem was staring at Greg intently, eyes just as wide and as blank as they had been earlier this afternoon. Greg was quick to turn away, the reminder that he had been of no help, yet again, to his son being too much to handle. However, Greg made an effort to swallow down his emotion, flashing a quick smile at the gem, and giving his pink hair a quick ruffle as he walked past him.

“Take care of my boy, okay?” Greg asked, voice quiet and thick with emotion. Upon receiving a simple nod from the gem, Greg gave his glowing shoulder a quick pat before heading down the stairs, sniffling as he did so.

Pink Steven watched as Greg made his way back down to the couches, gently draping a blanket over a sleeping Connie before grabbing one for himself. He clicked off the living room lights and made himself comfy on the smaller side of the couch, settling in for the night.

It wasn’t long after that Pink Steven found himself surrounded by three different sounds of snoring. Without the need to sleep, nor the desire to, the gem resigned himself to laying down atop the comforter, watching as his human-half’s chest rose and fell with each intake of his sleeping breath.

The gem drug his hand down from Steven’s arm to rest over his chest, careful not to break contact while re-positioning. He could feel Steven's heartbeat in a faint, steady rhythm underneath his palm, and the gem shut his eyes in order to fully focus on the sensation.

_Badump._

_Badump._

_Badump._

Vaguely, slowly, eventually, he remembered the feeling of sharing that heart with him. He remembered feeling it, swelling up with love for the people that Steven held dear, such as the people he had been introduced to today. Bismuth, Lapis, Peridot, Connie, his dad, the Crystal Gems... He remembered the feeling of loving those people, remembered just _how much_ love Steven held for each and every one of them. There were so many people who were so _important_ to his human-half.

With a soft smile now settling onto his face, Pink Steven remembered just how much that they, themselves, loved each other, too. He recalled the feeling of them fusing, warm and fast and exciting and overwhelmingly beautiful. It was the only form of love that he _truly_ remembered feeling. The stories from the past two days were helping him to remember- to remember everyone and to remember loving everyone, but he had yet to truly experience that for himself. Steven was still the only person that he truly felt close to.

Smile drifting away, Pink Steven opened his eyes to once again stare at his human-half, mind coasting into other thoughts. The gem couldn’t help but feel upset about some of the information he had learned today- some of the memories he had been reintroduced to. The truth of the matter was that he did not feel comfortable around the three gems he had met at Little Homeworld. He couldn’t get over the fact that the three of them had tried to destroy Steven's home, had tried to hurt Steven, had tried to _shatter_ Steven. He couldn’t help but feel angry, because in his eyes, he felt that those things had been swept under the rug. It was like the three of them were oblivious to how terrible the things that they had done really were. It was like they got off easy because of how overly kind and understanding of a person Steven was.

In reality, the gem knew that he wasn’t supposed to be seeing things this way. He knew that this wasn’t how his human-half viewed the situation, and therefore, it wasn’t how he should be viewing the situation, either. The gem knew that things weren’t clicking into place the way that they were supposed to, despite the fact that he had been given so many of the pieces. He had heard so many stories, and although each one rang familiar, none of them particularly felt like things that he, himself, had been a part of. He could visualize a few things, but it didn’t feel like he was viewing them through his _own_ perspective. It felt like he was watching them through _Steven’s_ eyes, like they belonged to _him,_ like the love he had once felt towards the other’s were _Steven's_ emotions.

Despite the fact that these memories were supposed to be reconnecting him to his human-half, he couldn’t help but feel that they were doing the exact opposite, because the more that he remembered, the more that he felt, and the more that he thought about things on his own… the more detached he became from the person he was supposed to be a part of.

Pink Steven curled his fingers into a fist on top of Steven’s chest, refusing to break contact, but needing to relieve stress. He couldn’t help but feel different from the person laying in front of him, sharing a bed with him, having once shared a _body_ and a _mind_ with him. It didn’t even feel like he was staring at his own body anymore, despite the fact that he still longed to be a part of it. Steven’s body radiated familiarity and comfort, but he was beginning to feel comfortable within the glowing, pink light that he called a body, too. He wasn't sure if he originally had a mind, a personality, or an identity outside of Steven before, but they had been separated for so long now, and he couldn't help but feel like one was developing.

A part of him felt terrified at that. The gem in him screamed that his purpose was to become whole again, to become _Steven_ again, something that he was utterly failing at and unable to achieve. The other part of him felt… oddly content with this, with being able to lay besides his human-half, able to look at him, able to _touch_ him. It felt _exciting._

Maybe it was just because they had been separated for too long. Maybe he was mistaking the feeling of excitement for something else. Maybe, once they found the one memory that they needed, the big revelation would happen, and he would go back to feeling like Steven again.

Eyes dragging over Steven’s face, exploring his sleeping features, the gem also wondered if, maybe, his human-half was feeling different at all, too.

Eyes eventually trailing up to Steven’s forehead, an entirely new thought popped into the gem’s mind, about the gesture he had seen before, the one that both Pearl and Greg had now partaken in. The gesture seemed to be one of affection, pressing their lips up to Steven’s face. There was an itch at the very corner of the gem’s mind, nagging at him to remember what it was. He knew that it was a simple thing, something very natural that was now coming off to him as foreign. He assumed that the gesture was something human, because if it had been some sort of gem-type ritual, he was sure that it wouldn't have seemed so strange.

Continuing to dwell on the subject, the gem eventually recalled something that Connie had done earlier. Somewhere in the middle of their conversation, Connie had been discussing when she and Steven had first 'gotten together', _something that the gem still didn't quite understand,_ and had managed to fluster him during a few points of the story. Teasing Steven throughout it, Connie had eventually leaned in and pressed her lips up to his cheek a few times, and at one point, had purposefully pressed her lips up against Steven's mouth. The two of them had pleasantly melted into the contact before breaking apart, continuing on with their stories with red cheeks and happy smiles.

He didn’t understand why, but each form of contact that he witnessed seemed so different from one another. When Greg and Pearl had pressed their mouths to Steven’s forehead, it was affectionate, parental, and protective. When Connie had pressed her mouth to Steven’s cheek, it was also affectionate, but… so different than when it was mouth to mouth. That one seemed more… recreational? More… _something._

The gem spent the next few minutes mulling over the information as he stared at Steven’s face, illuminated softly by the pink glow of his own. With curious intent and nothing but time on his hands, he decided that he would try it. Slowly, quietly propping himself up onto his elbow, Pink Steven lifted a hand to rest on his other-half’s temple, leaning in to press his mouth against Steven’s forehead, just as the two had done earlier. At the contact, something strange and warm began to bloom in the gem’s chest, followed by a burst of memories that blew through his mind of… _kissing._ Right. That’s what this was. It was another form of intimate contact. It was another way to show that you were close to someone, to _feel_ close to someone.

Close...

That’s what he wanted to be.

 _That’s_ what this was accomplishing.

Lifting his face to hover above Steven’s, the gem reveled in how immensely satisfying that the gesture had felt. It was like hugging, in a way. It felt similar to when the two of them had embraced each other in an attempt to get closer, in an attempt to feel and to become whole again. Desperate to fall back into the feeling, the gem lowered himself back down and pressed his lips against Steven’s face again, and again, _and again,_ trailing his mouth down to press a kiss onto Steven’s temple, his cheek, his jaw, _his-…_

…his lips. Upon making contact, mouth to mouth, something strange and warm began blooming once again, although this time, within the gem’s stomach. Along with the warmth, there was an overwhelming feeling that accompanied it, weird and exciting and unbearable all the same, like butterflies furiously swarming around somewhere deep inside of him. It felt… _so similar_ to what he felt while spinning, while laughing, while fusing with Steven.

It felt like… _love._

 _That must have been what is was,_ he reasoned. Suddenly, he was feeling it for himself again, _love._ It wasn’t another phantom feeling that he remembered from being Steven. This time, it was _his own._ It was just like what he had experienced when he had first met Steven, when he had first fused with him, and it was _incredible._

Completely and utterly indulged by the feeling, the gem eagerly continued on with his endeavors, pressing his lips repeatedly and more firmly against his human’s mouth with each attempt. Sliding his hand between Steven's cheek and the pillow, the gem hooked a thumb under Steven’s jaw to keep his mouth from falling open, which allowed him to deepen the contact. He shut his heavy-lidded eyes, and let his mind wander and get lost somewhere deep within the mesmerizing new feeling.

Unfortunately, the intense contact was more than enough to stir Steven from his deep sleep, and to the human-half's horror, _that_ was what he woke up to.

 _“ **Mmpph!!** ” _Startled, Steven wrestled his head free from the gem’s grasp, squirming upright into a sitting position and putting some distance between the two of them, breaking all forms of their contact. It only took a moment for the world became heavy, forcing Steven to slump forward, leaning on both of his arms in order to keep himself upright. He couldn’t tell if the pounding in his head and the racing of his heart were a result of the loss of contact, or from the intimate contact itself. _Probably both?_

Breathless, stunned, and flushed red, he asked. “What th- _What are you doing!? What the heck was that!?”_

His gem stared back at him, wide-eyed and apparently startled by Steven’s outburst. He reached out a hand towards his human-half, but Steven was quick to swat it away. He knew that the gem needed contact, that _both_ of them did, but he absolutely did _not_ want his gem touching him right now. Not until he figured out what all of _that_ was about.

After a moment of tense silence, Steven attempted to crawl out of bed, slowly but surely intent on getting some space, or some fresh air, or _something._

 _“Wait.”_ His gem said, voice level, but clearly desperate by how rushed the word had come out. He was quick to reach out for his human-half, grabbing at the back of his shirt and pulling him back over. The action, however, was carried out with far too much force, and landed Steven directly between his gem's legs, back pressed flat against his stomach and head bouncing off of his gem's chest. At this, Pink Steven’s body went absolutely ridged. He quickly looked down at Steven, who's eyes went wide and who's face grew noticeably redder. In his absolute embarrassment, Steven looked up at his gem, and couldn't help but notice how the pink pupils immediately expanded upon making eye-contact, with something so impossibly close to a blush creeping up on the gem's already pink face.

For one, brief moment, the two of them didn't move, bodies tense and minds frozen as they took in the situation, both overcome by different emotions. However, the moment that Steven saw his gem's face begin to drift downwards, towards his own, he bolted out of the bed. The contact with his gem and the adrenaline pumping through his body were enough to get him onto the floor and over to the stairs, where he was sent stumbling for a few steps before he could get a hold of his balance. As soon as he did, however, the broken contact with his gem was swift to kick whatever strength he had built up straight out his body. Said body was quick to collapse over the stairs, tumbling down them after Steven failed to stop or to catch himself.

The loud thudding of his body rolling down the steps was enough to wake both Connie and Greg from their sleep, thrusting the two back into consciousness. The two shot up in their seats, exchanging alarmed looks between one another before Steven’s groaning sent them running to the stairs, where he laid in a crumpled ball at the bottom.

 _“Steven!_ What happened!? What’s wrong!?” Connie asked, panicked as she hooked her arms underneath Steven’s, hoisting him up into a sitting position.

“Oh geez, kiddo. You really banged yourself up there.” Greg stated with a frown. He kneeled down in front of his son, reaching out his thumb to brush a bead of blood off of his face.

The action brought about a stinging pain on Steven’s forehead, just above his eyebrow. Apparently, going by the blood now smeared on his dad’s thumb, he had nicked himself on his tumble down the stairs, and according to the multiple aching spots along his arms and legs, Steven guessed that he had probably bruised himself up a bit, too.

_Great. As if his body needed any more wear-and-tear right now._

“Why aren’t you with your gem? Did you try to get out of bed by yourself?” Connie asked, both hands wound tightly around one of Steven’s, a deep expression of worry edged onto her face.

“I- _uh…_ ” Well, what was he supposed to say? That he woke up in the middle of the night to his gem _making out_ with him? Was that even what was going on? Honestly, this was all starting to feel like some sort of hazy, crazy dream, and Steven was still trying to wrap his head around all of it all. It had happened so fast, and the only thing reminding him that he was, in fact, not dreaming was the touch of pain that now pulsated above his brow.

 _“…Yes?_ I- uhm… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you guys up like that.” He said, awkward and deflated. He’d just have to keep this to himself for now, until he could figure out what had happened, and why his gem was doing... _that._

“Don’t worry about us, kiddo. Let’s get you cleaned up.” His dad said, getting up from the floor and making his way into the bathroom. Steven could hear the cabinets being shuffled through and the faucet running briefly as his dad spoke.

“If you need to head to the bathroom or get a glass of water, just shout for us! I don’t want you walking around by yourself in this state, or without your gem-half.” He called out, making his way back over with a wet washcloth and a bandage in hand.

_Speaking of his gem-half._

Steven and Connie turned their attention to the top of the stairs, where his gem was now on his way down. Steven tensed upon seeing him, his stomach pooling with dread as the gem stopped in front of him, dropping to a knee to be closer to eye-level. Steven sat frozen in place, eyes squeezing shut as his gem reached out, placing his hands on either side of his face before leaning in to press a soft, careful kiss onto Steven’s injury.

Steven opened his eyes back up as the gem pulled away. He held his breath, waiting for his dad and Connie to say something, to freak out, to call out how utterly _weird_ it was that his gem had-

“Doesn’t look like your healing powers are working just yet, kiddo. Here, let me take care of it.” Greg said, kneeling down once again in front of his son, using the wash cloth to wipe the blood from the cut. Connie shifted to give Greg some room, and his gem stared on, unblinking and unsuspicious to the others.

It became painfully apparent to Steven that neither Greg nor Connie found the gesture strange, and instead, took it as a simple attempt to use his healing powers. He didn’t know whether he should be grateful or upset at the fact that they were oblivious.

While his dad was at work, Steven glanced over at his other-half, uneasy. He knew that the two of them couldn’t see it, but Steven felt that healing powers weren’t the real reasoning behind the kiss, or at the very least, not the _full_ reasoning. His gem returned the stare, and to Steven’s distress, the pink glow of his form, which once came off as comforting, now felt eerie and unnatural to him. In his banged up state, Steven wasn’t able to tell if there was an actual change that had happened to his gem, or if the events from before were just throwing him off.

As if to rub insult to injury, Greg began unwrapping a small, _pink_ bandage before he stuck it over the cut, smoothing it over. “I know you’re not used to the old-fashioned way,” He said, retracting his hands as he finished his work. “but this’ll have to do for now.” Crumpling up the wrapper in his hand, Greg gave Steven a pat on the shoulder and a warm, tired smile

“Let’s get you back to bed, kiddo.”

* * *

Although Steven was hesitant to fall back asleep, his gem-less body refused to let him stay awake for too long. He felt sleep tugging at his mind soon after he was put back to bed, and he was forced to accept that he wouldn’t be able to fight it off. However, before letting himself give in, Steven requested that his gem lay facing away from him, so that the two of them wouldn't be face-to-face with one another. To Steven’s relief, his gem complied without a word, and the two now laid back-to-back with one another, their shoulders and the backs of their heads being the only parts of their bodies that were touching. The slight contact was enough to keep the gem at ease, as well as providing Steven with enough peace to drift back to sleep. Steven slept soundly through the rest of the night, and his gem laid still in place, staring off at the wall and letting his mind wander around in his thoughts. He made no further attempts to kiss his human-half that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next 
> 
> Chapter 5: In which Pink Steven gets the wrong idea.


	5. A Long Long Day

The gems returned early in the morning while Steven was still asleep.

Filing into the kitchen, the gems were met with a warm welcome back from Greg, who was currently in the middle of cooking up some breakfast. The bunch exchanged information with each other, with Greg letting the gems know that the show-and-tell last night had been a bust, Steven had suffered a tumble down the stairs, and Connie was currently in the bathroom freshening up. The gems, in return, shared their own news, informing Greg that none of their various pit-stops from the night had ended up being successful. In the end, all they had to show for their efforts were an armful of last-minute drugstore goods. To Greg’s amusement, the gems had brought back with them various essential oils, vitamins, boxes of tea, cold and flu medicines, and funny enough, a bottle of menstrual-relief pills. To combat Greg’s roaring laughter, the gems fought back that Steven’s gem _was_ located in his abdominal area, and that _maybe_ the pills could provide him with a bit of relief.

Greg smiled as he flipped his bacon over in the pan. As much as he wanted his son to start feeling better, he doubted that most of those things would do him any good. But, it did feel kind of nice that the gems were looking towards some more _human_ solutions for once. If they were considering Steven's human-half, then it made him feel like they were all on an equal playing-ground for once, like they were all an equal amount of lost. They were all in this together, and just this once, Greg felt a little less like just an oaf on the sidelines.

However, amongst the drugstore goods, there was one other thing that the gems had brought back with them that rang interesting to Greg, and that was the plastic water bottle that Amethyst had carried in. With a couple of rose petals floating around inside of it, it was apparent that the original water had been emptied out and refilled with something else. Upon pointing it out, the gems explained that Rose’s Fountain was the closest thing to a gem-solution that they could think of, although they weren’t even certain that it would do anything useful, at least for the fusion situation. All of these things they had managed to scrounge up were just temporary relief, things that they hoped could keep Steven at bay until they were able to get his gem's powers back. As much as it frustrated them, they had to accept that this was the best that they could do for now.

Just a few moments later, and Connie emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and happy to greet the gems in the kitchen. She took a seat and eased into their exchanges, with Greg serving both her and Amethyst a plate before making one for himself. The five continued to talk as they ate, bouncing ideas back and forth with one another while the morning lazily passed them by, and the boy at the center of their attention laid asleep in the room upstairs.

* * *

Steven would’ve slept most of the day away, had it not been for Pearl stepping into his room, gently informing him that there was a light lunch waiting for him downstairs if he was hungry. After she had gone, Steven cast a bleary glance over to his alarm-clock.

1:12 p.m.

Steven sighed, the first thought running through his sleep-hazed mind being how he and his gem were going to need to-...

His gem.

Last night.

_He-...!_

Eyes snapping open wide, Steven quickly turned to look at his gem, who was laid facing away from him, in the same position that he had been requested to last night. Steven's hand rose to his forehead, where his fingers wandered until they found the small, pink bandage still plastered to his skin, informing him that the events from last night had not, in fact, been a dream.

Feeling his movement, the gem shifted in bed as well, rolling over to face his human-half. Upon seeing Steven's face, the blank expression that he wore considerably warmed, and the corners of his mouth curved up slightly, leaving a small smile adorned on his face.

"Up?" The gem asked.

"Uhm... y-yeah."

Allowing himself to be assisted out of bed by his other-half, Steven and his gem got to their feet together, and began making their way across the room, over to the closet to change. As they walked, Steven felt as though his mind was a million miles away, unable to focus on anything other than the idea that his gem, last night, had _kissed_ him. The fact refused to settle in, hovering somewhere in his mind and waiting to be proven wrong. However, as each minute passed him by, and as his gem gradually helped him into a fresh set of clothing, the reality of the situation finally begun sinking in, forming a heavy pit inside of his stomach as it did so. Suddenly, Steven felt uncomfortable, his skin reacting extra sensitively to his gem's touch. Out of nowhere, it was as though his gem's hands were pressed against him too firmly, were lingering on him for too long, were-

Steven blushed furiously as his gem tugged a clean shirt over his head, hands dragging down his sides and coming to rest on his hips as he smoothed it over.

Oh, this was going to be a _long_ day.

After he had finished, Steven found himself scooped up into the bright pink arms, cradled against the gem's chest as he was carried down the stairs. It was something that had never bothered him before, being carried by his gem, but now, Steven couldn't help but feel somewhat embarrassed by the embrace. What had once felt safe and secure now felt demeaning, and Steven desperately tried to get a hold of his emotions as they made their way down to the kitchen, where lunch was, indeed, waiting for him.

Taking a seat at the counter, Greg and Connie brought out a sandwich and cup of water for Steven, saying their 'good-mornings' and asking him some general questions about how he was feeling. Steven responded in short, dismissive answers, visibly tense and distant as he spoke. If that didn't concern Greg and Connie enough, Steven still didn't appear to have much of an appetite, seeing as he only nibbled and picked at the food that they had offered him. Watching from their spots on the couch, the Crystal Gems began exchanging worried looks between one another.

As much as everyone wanted to let Steven rest, they knew that the sooner they got to work getting his gem's memories back, the sooner Steven would be able to fuse and feel normal again. They would've gladly done just that while Steven slept, however, they faced the issue of Pink Steven, who refused to leave his other-half's side, let alone pay attention to anyone else while he was asleep. So, waking Steven up was an unfortunate must if they wanted to get anywhere. However, in better news, the group had already decided that this next session would be done from the comfort of their living room once again, that way, Steven could remain comfortable throughout the day while they did what they needed to do.

Having stomached as much lunch as he could, the gems ushered Steven out into the living room, getting him comfortable on the couch and preparing him a mug of tea from the box that they had brought back. Once Steven was settled, and everyone had filed into the living room, the gems revealed that they had decided... that it might be a good time to start talking about Rose. She had been briefly mentioned in their various other stories, however, they figured that the next best thing to try would be Rose's full story. Since Pink Steven used to be her's, and their stories about Steven's life weren't providing any results, they figured that this could be the thing that they needed, something a bit more tailored to the gem, rather than to Steven.

Although no one seemed too terribly thrilled to be talking about Rose again, and even though Steven had visibly tensed at the mention of her... he had agreed to go through with it. It had already been two days, and nothing that they had tried had worked so far. So... if this was the thing that was going to do it, then alright, they would do it. Anything to start feeling normal again. Anything to make his _gem_ normal again...

Steven glanced over at his gem, still feeling weary of him. Their arms and legs were the only parts of their bodies touching as they sat besides one another, with Steven reluctant to lean his full body weight against him like he had done before, despite how badly he wanted to. His fingers twitched with the urge to hold his gem's hand, and Steven firmly curled them around his mug of tea, suppressing the temptation. He didn't want to get any closer to his other-half than was necessary, too afraid of giving off the wrong signals, too afraid that he would take it as an invitation, or as a sign that everything was okay, because everything _wasn't_ okay, and Steven knew that sooner or later today, he would have to confront his gem about what had happened last night.

The moment that his gem returned his stare, Steven looked away, his focus now settling onto the floor. Steven was quick to begin emotionally distancing himself from the story as Pearl begun telling it, starting with his mom's life on Homeworld, as a Diamond.

* * *

The story went about as well as it could have, at the very least.

The afternoon had proved difficult for all of them, with each of them recounting their own experiences with Rose, and each of them coming to terms with the mixed feelings that they held for her now. Despite how emotionally straining it had been, they had all managed to power through it, telling Rose's story to the gem with as much detail as the bunch could personally muster up. In the end, Pink Steven had lifted up his shirt to reveal his gem, still devoid of light, still devoid powers, and still unable to fuse back together with Steven. The story that they had recounted proved fruitless, yet again, and this time, it had left everyone with much less energy than they had before. Even worse, it had left everyone with a significant damage to their spirits. 

However, it had left Pink Steven with a significantly different demeanor than he had before. Throughout the story, Steven could feel his gem repeatedly tensing, relaxing, and repeating that cycle with each new bit of information that he soaked in. At first, Steven had been hopeful that it was a sign this was working, that his gem was remembering, that his powers were starting to come back to him. However, he had eventually come to understand that wasn't the case, the tenseness in his gem simply being an emotional response to the story he was being presented with. Whether he was experiencing good emotions or bad ones, Steven didn't know. It was hard to read his gem going off of the blank expression that he usually wore. Although, his gem's eyes had remained bright and intense throughout the entire story, proving to Steven that he was, in fact, feeling something.

Steven could only hope that was a good thing.

Once they had finished, Connie, who had been sat on the other side of Steven throughout the story, emotionally supporting him through it, had announced that she had to leave, with her parents requesting that she come home for dinner tonight rather than spend another night at the Universe household. Giving Steven a quick hug, and pressing a quick kiss onto his lips, Connie had wished him well and requested that he keep her updated. Passing out goodbyes to everyone else, she took her leave, promising to come back as soon as she could. 

As soon as she had left, Steven found his gem's hand falling onto his shoulder, a gesture that most would pass off as comforting, however, it came across to Steven as... _wrong._ From the unnecessary force that the hand was gripping him with, it wasn't coming across in a comforting manner at all, rather, it was coming off as...

The concern blooming on Steven's face must have been apparent, because Greg was quick to get up from his seat to take over Connie's old spot. He smiled sympathetically as he began rubbing a hand up and down Steven's back.

“I’m sorry that turned out to be a bust, kiddo. But hey, we’ll figure this out. We managed to get the gems memories back, didn’t we? It'll happen, we just need a little more time.”

Steven was beyond grateful for his dad's presence, and he immediately slumped over onto him, pulling away from the hand on his shoulder and leaving his leg to be his only form of contact between him and his gem. He could feel his other-half immediately tense at the slight separation, quickly making up for it by grasping at Steven's knee, holding onto it firmly.

Why was he being so clingy all of the sudden?

Shutting his eyes and trying his best to ignore it, Steven focused in on the soothing feel of his dad's hand on his back, melting into the comfort that it provided.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just… tired of feeling so weak, dad. I feel terrible…” He explained, his voice deflating a little more the longer that he spoke.

It absolutely broke Greg's heart.

A deep frown settled onto his face, and concern for his son welling up in his eyes, Greg brought his hand up from Steven’s back to rest on his head, gently scratching at his scalp through his thick, dark curls. “You’re not looking too hot either, shtewball. Do you need to head back to bed?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing as he ran his fingers through his son’s hair, realizing just how greasy and sweat-soaked that it had become over the past two days. “Or… maybe take a shower? A bath might help you feel a bit better.” he suggested.

Steven had to admit, a shower sounded absolutely _amazing_ right now. He hadn’t taken one since he had been separated from his gem, a change of clothes here and there being the only thing to keep him feeling somewhat fresh over the past two days. However, as much as he hated to admit it, the idea of showering with his gem in the room made him feel... _very_ uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the kiss from last night, or from his gem's sudden change of behavior just now, but Steven was starting to feel that when he looked at his other-half, he wasn't quite staring at _just_ himself anymore... and he didn’t know what to make of that.

Mulling it over, Steven knew that he was overreacting. His gem had already helped him get dressed before, and this wasn't too different from that. All that he needed was a little contact, something to keep him from accidentally falling in the shower or drowning himself in the bathtub. But... he couldn't help it. He was just too uncomfortable with the idea to go through with it. He wanted to relax and wash himself off, but... there were other ways that he could freshen up without taking a full bath or shower. Just a little bit of something would be better than nothing at all.

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Thanks, dad.” Steven said, looking up to give his dad a small smile.

Greg returned the expression, giving Steven's hair a quick tousle before releasing it, taking the now-cold mug of tea from his hands. “No problem, bud. I’ll get started on making us some dinner. How does that sound?”

Steven rose up from his spot on the couch, his gem’s hands immediately and attentively settling on his hip and under his arm to assist with the movement. Although Steven wasn't particularly fond of the contact, he allowed it. It wasn't like he could do anything without it, anyways.

“Can't promise I'll eat much.” Steven stated.

"That's alright kiddo. Eat whenever and whatever you can. I just wanna make sure that there's something there for ya when you do."

After Steven flashed him an appreciative smile, Greg made his way out of the living room and into the kitchen, and the Crystal Gem's watched as Steven and his gem slowly took their leave as well.

 _"Wait!_ Hold on a sec!" Amethyst called out, jumping up from her spot on the floor and running into the kitchen. Steven stopped in his tracks, watching curiously as Amethyst grabbed something off of the counter top, running back over and eagerly handing it over to him. Upon taking it, Steven realized that it had been a water bottle filled with... mom's fountain water?

"Worth a shot, right?" She remarked, giving Steven a cheeky smile. She was trying to pass herself off as nonchalant, although the worried and slightly hopeful tint to her voice were easily giving her away. Steven knew that all of these failed attempts to bring back his powers were starting to take their toll on her, _on everyone,_ and he couldn't help but feel absolutely horrible for making her feel so worried.

Steven gripped the bottle a little tighter, offering Amethyst the best smile that he could muster up. He made an attempt to stand up a little straighter, hoping to look a little bit more put together than he really was. "Yeah, worth a shot." He repeated.

With that, Amethyst made her way back over to the others, and Steven made his way into the bathroom, with his gem promptly shutting the door behind them.

* * *

Jacket and shirt thrown over the towel rack, jeans rolled up to his knees, and washcloth in hand, Steven sat down on the toilet-seat and got to work. His gem stood besides him with a hand on his shoulder, providing him with the bit of strength that he needed to pour the fountain water out onto a rag, and to begin wiping down all of the sweat and dirt that had built up on his body.

To Steven's surprise, the fountain water had actually worked. Well, not with their _big_ problem. He and his gem still remained separated, however, the various cuts and bruises that littered his body were quick to wash away with the water. Soon, there was no evidence left behind of his fight with those gems, nor his tumble down the stairs. Reapplying the water to the rag, Steven was relieved to find that the injury to his temple was soothed away in a single swipe, and he promptly remove the little pink bandage from his forehead, taking care of his nick from the night before.

Although he had cleaned himself off fairly well at this point, Steven still couldn't help but feel... well, _unclean._ The scent of roses now clung to his skin after using the water, and after a moment of deliberation, he grabbed a new washcloth from the counter, running it under some sink water before attempting to rub the smell off of himself. Steven didn't know if it was an over-reaction or not, but he didn't care. The smell, light as it was, was far too overwhelming for him. He couldn't handle the scent of roses, not with what it reminded him of, and not with the story he had just been made to listen to.

After having thoroughly dulled down the scent, and effectively rubbing his skin red and raw, Steven got up from his seat, and began the process of washing off his hair and face in the bathroom sink. Unfortunately, his gem had opted to stand behind him for this, hands pressed firm against Steven's hips to assist in keeping him upright, a position Steven couldn't help but feel immensely uncomfortable with.

It was frustrating. It really, really was. There was nothing inherently wrong with what his gem was doing, but from all the signals he had been giving off today, and from what had taken place between them last night, Steven couldn't help but feel that there was an ulterior motive behind the helpfulness. Along with that, Steven was dealing with a constant conflict inside of his body, with his physical urges to be touched by his gem, and his emotional urges to distance himself from him, being in constant rivalry with one another.

Steven splashed the hot water over his face a little more force than necessary, unintentionally acting out from all of the emotions stirring up inside of him. He knew that he should finish up soon, and that he should take the chance to talk with his gem and address the issue while they were alone, but... he just couldn't bring himself to do it. It was too... _weird!_ Too _embarrassing!_ Steven couldn't help but want to put it off.

He wondered how long he could keep his face buried in the sink, hidden beneath the running water, before anyone would tell him to stop. He figured he could last about an hour tops before someone would physically drag him away from it.

Begrudgingly, Steven got up to reach for a towel, wiping down his face and ruffling his hair before he came to stare at himself in the mirror. Upon meeting eyes with himself, Steven could see just how ashen his face had become since his gem had been torn away from him. He ran his fingers over the dark bags under his eyes, taking a moment to silently soak in just how exhausted he truly looked, how he had been _stuck_ looking for the past two days... His dad was right. He didn’t look so hot right now.

Steven could only revel in his withered physical state for a moment before his gaze shifted in the mirror, over to the reflection of his gem-half behind him. His eyes, as pink and as bright as ever, were staring straight at him through the reflection, causing a pang of surprise to ring through Steven’s heart. He quickly averted his eyes, instead, focusing in on the mess he’d made of the bathroom counter. Water had been splashed across most of it’s surface, and the bottles of shampoo, face wash, and rose water still sat nearby, caps left opened and exposed. The towels he’d used to both wash and dry himself were draped over the counter, dripping a small puddle of water onto the floor. A few feet away, his shirt and jacket hung over the towel rack, wrinkled, but safe from the watery bathroom mess.

The first thought that crossed through his mind was how disappointed Pearl would be if she were to lay eyes on this.

 _Or, maybe she’d be happy,_ Steven reasoned. Despite the many times Pearl had scolded both him and Amethyst for having made a mess, Steven could always see the peace and contentment that crossed over her features when she cleaned up after them. It was something that genuinely seemed to put her at ease, and Steven wondered if-

Before he could finish his thought, Steven felt the hand he’d been leaning on slip over the watery counter mess, panic gripping at his heart as his face begin to free-fall towards the counter top, destined to collide with it _and-...!_

The impact never came.

Steven opened his eyes to find himself in his gem's embrace, his face hovering an merely and inch away from the counter, and his would-be collision. The pink arms wrapped around his midsection were slow in tilting him back upwards, until he was standing upright once again. Once there, the gem carefully spun Steven around to face him. His hands slid from Steven's shoulders and made their way down his arms, stopping only once they arrived at his elbows. It was a simple, harmless gesture that radiated nothing but care and concern, but Steven couldn't shake the fact that it felt _far_ too intimate for his liking, an unwanted shiver forcing it's way down his spine in response. Apparently, his gem must have picked up on that, because his hold on Steven arms tightened ever so slightly, and his thumbs rubbed at the exposed skin in a comforting manner.

“… Okay?” Pink Steven asked, eyes scanning over his other-half's face, ensuring that he was alright.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine, thanks.” Steven stuttered, quickly brushing the gem's hands off of him. Unfortunately for him, that spur-of-the-moment decision would end up making things _one-hundred percent_ worse.

Hands dropping from Steven's arms with no where else to go, they came to settle on the counter top behind him, effectively pinning Steven in. Hands no longer providing contact, the gem's foot quickly shifted to make up for that, his leg now coming to settle between both of Steven's, thighs touching in an sensual manner.

The moment that the two-halves shifted into place, they froze, a silent, tense standoff between the two of them beginning once again, just like it had last night. 

Steven swallowed back the lump in his throat, stiff, stunned, and horrified by his body’s eagerness and desire to let this happen. Continuing just like it had last night, Steven watched as his gem leaned in for a kiss, sending Steven ducking to the floor in an attempt to escape it. Without contact, Steven all but collapsed onto the tile, suddenly hit by a wave of nausea that threatened to push his lunch back to the surface. Desperate to keep himself from throwing up, he grabbed a hold of his gem's leg, hugging it tight and taking in deep breaths, letting his stomach slowly begin to settle, and his body slowly begin to feel less heavy.

Steven kept his forehead pressed against his gem's leg and his eyes shut tight. He knew that his gem was staring down at him, more likely than not with the same, blank expression that he always wore. Steven didn't want to speculate what emotion might be laying behind it. He didn't want to take the chance to look up, not from this angle, not with his other-half literally towering over him from his standing position. 

“Wh- _why do you keep doing that!?”_ Steven demanded, his voice coming off strong despite the pathetic position he was in.

At the question, Pink Steven lowered himself to the floor, crouching until he found himself at Steven's level, leg still trapped within the embrace. Reaching out to take a hold of his human-half's face, Pink Steven tilted his head back until they were looking at each other, intense pink eyes reflecting into frightened brown ones. With heavy lids and a light blush spread over his cheeks, the gem responded.

"Feels like… being closer… to you…” He explained, a silky, dazed tone in his echoing voice.

Steven was... taken aback at that. Was that it? _Being closer?_ Well, if that was the case, then it certainly explained a lot, like the clingyness his gem had suddenly been showing. He knew that they were both dealing with the same instinctual urge to be close to one another, but Steven hadn't even considered how it might be effecting his gem. Without memories, and without a proper frame of reference, his gem probably had no idea that what he was doing was wrong. He probably hadn't even stopped to consider it, because Steven had to admit, the idea of kissing his gem... seemed like it might accomplish something that just _hugging_ each other wouldn't. It would be a little more satisfying for the both of them. _It would-_

Steven pushed those thoughts down fast and hard, the sheer shame and embarrassment at the idea of making out with _himself_ fought and won against any of the instinctual urges that he felt. He quickly grabbed at his gem's wrists, prying the pink hands off of his face.

“We’ll be close when we fuse again. I understand how you feel, and I know it's frustrating, but this is _wrong._ ” He explained.

In one of the rare events, Pink Steven's face emoted, his features wrinkling to highlight his confusion. “... You kiss people that you love." He stated.

Steven quirked an eyebrow, confused and uncertain as to where this was going. "Uhm..."

"Don’t we love each other?”

_Oh._

“T-that’s different! I just- It's not the same as-!” Steven fumbled, attempting to find the words to explain the rules and regulations of kissing to his gem... which he never expected he'd have to do in his entire life.

Man, what a fucking day.

Upon not receiving a straight answer, the gem's eyes turned half-lidded once again, and Steven watched as that glowing, pink face lowered down towards his own. Another attempt to try and kiss him. Steven was quick to whip his head to side, his lips now out of range and his voice now fast and panicked as he spoke. _“We just need a few more memories, and then you’ll understand! You’ll-!”_

Steven was cut off by three quick knocks at the door, his dad's upbeat voice following in suit after them. “Hey, schtewball! Doin’ alright in there?” He asked.

The two halves froze, their eyes trained on the door for a moment before whipping back to look at one another. A silent tension was fast to build up between the two, both of them apprehensive as to which direction this was going to take them.

Steven wanted to bolt, and he knew that his gem could feel it. The situation was beyond weird and uncomfortable, and the gem seemed nervous that Steven would take the opportunity to run to his dad, away from him, while he could. Although that was exactly what Steven wanted to do, the overwhelming embarrassment of the physical situation overpowered his emotional discomfort. What was he supposed to say to his dad? That his gem wanted to kiss him? That he needed to be given a talk about consent? What would his dad think if he knew what the problem was? It didn't even matter if he would be understanding or not, because Steven would be completely and utterly _humiliated_ if anyone were to find out.

Steven took in a deep breath to calm his nerves. _Everything was fine._ His gem was struggling with the same instinctual desire to become whole that he was. These were just misguided attempts to cope with what they were both feeling. Steven could handle that. Steven could fix this on his own.

“Y-yeah! I’m fine! What’s up?” Steven called back, desperately trying to make his voice sound as normal as possible, although it might've cracked once or twice. If Greg noticed it at all, he didn’t mention it, most likely chopping it up to Steven’s weakened physical state.

“The gems had to run down to Little Homeworld for a bit. There was a problem back at the school they needed to help out with, but they said that it shouldn't take them too long." He explained "Anyways, I’ve gotta head out for a minute, too. We don't have all the stuff here that we need for dinner. You and Pinkie gonna be alright until I get back?”

His instinctual politeness and desire to not burden others took over. Before Steven could even register the words coming out of his own mouth, they were out.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine! What’cha making?" He asked.

The entire time that he spoke, Pink Steven's intense eyes bore into Steven’s nervous ones. As Greg continued talking behind the door, the gem leaned in for another attempt to kiss him. Steven jerked his head away, resulting in the gem’s lips landing directly onto his neck. Physically choking down a gasp of surprise, Steven was quick to whip his head back around, frantically trying to push the gem away from him. However, having decided he quite liked this newfound form of contact, the gem eagerly crawled on top of Steven, pinning him to the floor and pressing him against the cabinets with his body. Assertive yet gentle, Pink Steven tilted his human-half's head back and to the side, allowing himself free reign over the other's neck. Steven’s face flushed furiously as he squirmed beneath his gem, kicking and pushing as much and as quietly as he could in order to get the other off of him. The struggle happened near-silently as Greg continued on with their conversation.

“Well, I was gonna grill us up some hot dogs, just like old times, but Pearl mentioned that you might not be able to stomach something like that right now. So, I’m gonna go pick us up some stuff for soup instead. That sound good to you?”

Steven bit down hard on his tongue in an attempt to choke back the loud, heavy breaths that struggled to escape his throat. He threw an arm up between his neck and his gem’s face in order to block off the contact, but Pink Steven was quick to grab the arm and pin it back against the cabinets. While grasping the appendage, the gem rubbed a thumb back and forth over his wrist, a gesture heavy with affection. Steven squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to focus in on the conversation, all while the assault on his neck picked back up again.

“Yeah! S-sounds great! Love you!”

“You too, kiddo. My phone’s on if you need anything. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

 _“Alright! B_ _ye dad!”_ Steven said, his response coming out far too rushed, but Greg didn’t seem to mind. Steven listened for his dad as he shuffled behind the door, grabbing what sounded like his car keys before eventually heading out the front door, shutting it behind him. As soon as Steven was sure his dad was out of the house, and soon as he was positive that he was out of ear shot, Steven was quick to burst into a full out struggle, thrashing around as much as his weakened limbs would allow.

 _“GET OFF OF ME!!”_ He shouted, finally managing to push his gem-half away. Almost instantly, the gem was at him again, attempting to climb back on top of him, only to be stopped by Steven's foot on his chest, effectively halting him in his approach. Steven stared up at him, cheeks burning red with embarrassment, eyes bright with anger, and chest heaving as he struggled to regain his composure. Despite the fact that the gem had a physical advantage, could easily push Steven’s leg out of the way, and could easily continue on with his endeavors... he remained where he knelt, staring back at Steven with wide eyes that scanned over his face. The bliss that filled them slowly drained to be replaced with confusion, and he took a seat on the floor, with Steven's foot following him as he did so. He sat, watching Steven with an attentive gaze, and waited for him to say something.

Steven felt a small wave a relief wash over him as his gem finally backed off. He swallowed the spit in his mouth and took another moment of recuperation before he spoke.

 _“Stop trying to kiss me.”_ He requested. "It's _wrong,_ and I _don't_ want you to do it anymore. Okay?"

“... They kissed you.” Pink Steven stated.

Steven shot him back a puzzled expression. _"Who_ did?" He asked, only for his gem to turn his head towards the door, silently indicating who he was talking about.

Behind the door? So... his dad? The gems? Okay, sure, but they had only ever kissed him on the cheek or on the forehead before, never-!

“They- they didn’t do it like _this!”_ Steven explained.

“Connie did.” The gem corrected. 

Oh.

“W-well that’s- that’s because we’re _together!_ We’re in a _relationship!”_ Steven clarified.

“We were together.” The gem shot back.

“Oh my _God.”_ Steven said, exasperated. He let out a frustrated moan as he slumped back against the cabinets, burying his face into his hands. “N-no, that's not... That's not the same thing as...” He mumbled, folding in on himself a little more, palms pressed firmly against his eyes in an attempt to stifle his frustration. "How do I explain this...?"

Pink Steven stared down at him, a frown slowing growing onto his face. The longer he looked at Steven, upset, unhappy, uncomfortable all because of _him_... the more distressed he became.

 _“… Is it me?”_ He asked, his voice having shifted to become low and quiet, heavy with emotion.

“What?” Steven asked, uncovering his face to look at his gem again.

“Because I was hers?” He inquired. He was starting to look frustrated. He was starting to sound _hurt._

Steven blinked in surprise, quickly shuffling to sit upright once again, panicked at what his gem was suggesting. “What!? _No!_ No, that’s not it! I-“

“Because you hate her?”

“No I- _I don’t-!_ _I just- I-!”_ Steven stuttered frantically, desperate to try to console his gem through his scrambled thoughts about the situation, about his other-half, about his _mom._ However, Steven found himself falling silent once again as his gem reached out, placing a hand over top of his stomach. Right where his gem once was. Right where his gem _should_ be.

“I remember... what you felt... about _her."_ He explained, his eyes slowly hardening as he stared at the spot. "What _they_ made you feel.” He breathed, hatred heavy in his tone as he spoke. He gave the spot one last squint of the eyes before he looked up to Steven, his expression softening ever-so-slightly upon seeing him. “... They don’t deserve you.” He stated.

 _“What...?_ What are you _talking_ about!?” Steven asked, now more confused than ever as to what was going on in his gem's mind. 

“They hurt you.”

_This again?_

“I told you, that was _years_ ago! They’re our _friends_ now, and the apology thing isn't-!” Steven started in his rant, only to be cut off.

“Not them.” His gem corrected, eyes shifting back to the door once more, glaring. “The others.”

“... Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl?” Steven prompted.

“They made you feel… _bad.”_ Was all that the gem managed to say.

The idea that the gems had made Steven feel _bad_ about his mom was… well, it wasn't a lie. In fact, it was almost an embarrassing understatement.

Steven recalled feeling like the gems might've resented him for being born, might've silently blamed him for his mom’s death, might not have wanted anything to do with him had it not been for the fact he could potentially wield his mom’s powers... Steven knew that those things weren't wholeheartedly true, and he knew that the gems loved him more than anything, but... those were the things that Steven had grown up thinking, had grown up feeling... Those were the things that the gems had unintentionally implied to him on a number of occasions throughout his life.

Steven knew that his birth had been difficult for everyone. It was hard to celebrate the life of a new person when it coincided with the death of a loved one, especially when it was someone like his mom who had died. Because of that, Steven's feelings of guilt had twisted into a desire to make up for the grief he had caused everyone. He felt a constant pressure to live up to his mom’s legacy, to her person, to her expectations. He spent so long trying to become her, and trying to fill the hole that she had left behind in his family, because subconsciously, he wanted to prove to himself and to everyone that he was _worthy_ of the life that she had given up for him, because if he wasn't, then...

On top of that, the gems were constantly holding back information about his mom, and although they did it with good intent, they had left Steven to piece together her story all on his own. It wasn’t enough that he grew up not knowing who his mom truly was, but he also grew up helping the gems heal from the scars his mom had left in them. He became the therapist for his family, and eventually, he became the therapist for himself, bottling up all of the complicated emotions that he felt towards Rose.

Worst of all, after everything he had been through, after everything he had worked for, after everything he had discovered about his mom... Steven was left feeling terrified that he was _too much_ like her. Every single aspect of himself that reminded him of his mother threw him further and further into a pit of self-hatred, scared that he was becoming, or already was, someone similar to the person who had hurt so many people in his life.

So, yeah. The gems and his mom _had_ made Steven feel bad, as simple as the statement was.

However, Steven could tell from the distant look in his gems eyes that there was so much more emotion and complexity laying behind what he had said, but it was all the gem-of-few-words could manage to get out. It was the easiest way to sum up the absolute mess of a life Steven had lived through. 

Steven understood it though, where his gem was coming from. It had taken him _years_ to finally get a hold of and start moving past those emotions, and he _still_ hadn't fully managed to do so completely. The topic of his mom was still a sore subject, if the story from his morning had been any indicator. He knew how badly these things had effected him over the years, and he couldn’t begin to imagine how it must have felt for his gem, being flooded with all that information and emotion in just _one afternoon._

No wonder he was so upset.

As if on cue, the gem turned face Steven, expression pinched in distress as he asked “… Why aren’t you angry?”

Steven took a moment to take in the question before he exhaled, letting his body deflate and rest against the cabinets once again. _What a loaded question._ So loaded, in fact, that it sucked whatever energy Steven had left in him straight out. He was exhausted, the emotional whiplash from today's events, both inside and outside of the bathroom, being more than enough to wipe him completely out.

Steven considered just skipping dinner tonight and heading straight to bed. He really didn't want to be awake right now. 

“… I was angry. I _am_ angry.” Steven admitted, his eyes now downcast, his face now somber. 

“I've spent the last few years of my life being nothing _but_ angry about it... doing nothing but avoiding it... constantly having outbursts about it... It got to a point where I just had to accept that… she changed." He said, giving a little half-hearted shrug. "She messed up, and she hurt a lot of people, but she… was really trying to be a better person. The same goes for the gems, too. They didn’t mean to make me feel all those things, and they’ve grown a lot since then.” Steven explained, lifting his eyes back up to his gem, who now wore an unreadable expression. “And so have we. They’re not the only one’s who've made mistakes... We're not the same person that we used to be, either.” He concluded.

After he was done, Steven's gem remained silent, staring back at his human-half with a strange look on his face. The conversation seemed to have stirred something up within the gem, because his eyes now glowed in a strange manner, intense and focused, as if he was thinking about something... as if he was processing something.

Within that moment of silent reflection, the two halves picked up on sounds of commotion. The Crystal Gems were finally back home, and were just making their way through the front door.

Steven figured that this was about as good of a place as any to end their conversation, and so, they did. Leaving it at that, the two of them slowly made their way up from the bathroom floor, and quietly picked up where they had left off, cleaning up the mess they had made of the bathroom counter top.

* * *

Steven stared down at the bowl of soup in front of him, grazing his spoon over top of it before dragging the utensil along the edges of the bowl. His eyes grew heavy as he watched the movement, and his mind steadily drifted between the conversation happening around him, and the thoughts running through his head.

“Why aren't his powers back yet? It barely took Steven _a day_ to fix all of us." Amethyst stated, letting out a frustrated huff as she slumped over the kitchen counter, resting her chin on her palm. "Why isn't anything working...?" she asked, her voice deflating as she spoke.

“Steven has had many pivotal moments in his life, all of which make up who he is now." Garnet explained, coming to lean on the counter besides Amethyst, resting a comforting hand onto her arm. "Whether he needs to remember them all, or whether there’s one crucial one we’re forgetting, we’ll find out. In time.” She assured. Despite how strong and confident Garnet always came off, it was apparent to everyone that the lack of progress was beginning to take it's toll on her. She was just as worried and frustrated as everyone else, and the way that her other hand curled into a tight fist on the counter top served as a visual reminder of that.

"Yeah, but are we sure this whole 'memory' thing is what he needs? I mean, we weren't really even brought back by _just_ memories. Pearl got fixed by making Greg disappear, and _you_ got fixed because of something to do with truth...? I mean, I just think that-... are we even sure we're going about this the right way?" Amethyst asked, causing Garnet, Greg, and Pearl to begin exchanging looks between one another. They were quiet for a moment as they let Amethyst's words sink in.

Maybe... there was something else to this that they were missing.

"Well, I suppose you're right. I mean, if simply retelling stories was the answer, I'm sure one of them would've worked by _now."_ Pearl stated.

"So, we should start... acting stuff out, then?" Greg suggested, a bit confused as to what they were getting at.

"Possibly." Garnet stated, a concentrated look on her face as she thought this through. "... We need to start going about this differently. If Pink Steven doesn't need to remember the important moments from his life, then maybe he needs to re-live them, re-discover them." She offered. "That's closer to what happened with us."

Amethyst turned towards Steven, who's eyes were still fixated on the bowl in front of him. "You said that you tried fusing with your gem, right? The same way you did before?" She asked, only to be met with silence. Steven remained focused on his soup, fingers twirling his spoon to spin around inside of it. He was completely tuned out of the conversation, his mind having wandered off who knows how long ago.

Amethyst frowned, leaning forward to snap her fingers in front of his face. _"Yo!_ Steve-o! You in there?" She asked, causing Steven to jump in his seat. His eyes snapped open wide as he was abruptly brought back to reality, and his gem was quick to hold onto him a little tighter, ensuring he didn't fall over.

"Huh?"

"Steven? Is everything alright?" Pearl asked, her voice soft and concerned. She leaned over the counter to try and meet his gaze, but Steven was quick to avert his eyes away from her.

He couldn't look at anyone right now. Not with the kind of thoughts that were on his mind.

Hand unconsciously trailing to his neck, Steven rubbed at his skin before lightly dragging his fingernails over it, right in the spot his gem had-...

"Y-yeah, everything's fine. What were we talking about?" Steven asked, eyes shifting to look at his bowl once again. He could feel everyone's gazes on him, worried and silently prompting him to look up at them. Steven held his ground, however, taking a few bites of the soup in an effort to fain occupation. Amethyst was the first to break the tension, letting out and sigh and resigning Steven to look at whatever he wanted to.

"I _said,_ you tried fusing with your gem, right? The same way that you did back in White's head?"

Steven nodded, swallowing the food in his mouth before picking back up in his previous _exciting endeavors_ in soup-stirring.

"Yeah."

"And that ended up somewhat working, right?" She asked.

Now that prompted Steven to look up. His eyes flicked between his _still unfused_ gem and Amethyst, eventually settling on her with a quirked eyebrow, as if asking her _'really?'._

Amethyst rolled her eyes. "No, dude. I mean, it helped with the memory situation, didn't it?"

"Oh." Steven said, eyes drifting away from her once again. "Uh, sort of. He remembered our fusion after that, and being a part of me, but that was it, really."

"But that's been the most effective thing so far." Garnet stated. 

Steven paused for a moment, casting a glance over to his gem as he thought it over. However, once his gem stared back at him, blank yet attentive, Steven found that he couldn't hold his gaze for long before he had to look away, cheeks already beginning to burn. He couldn't think about his gem. He didn't _want_ to think about his gem. "I-I guess so." He awkwardly agreed, eager to end this part of their conversation.

"Alright then. Tomorrow, we can start re-creating Steven's memories, see if that works any better." Pearl stated, just before attempting another look at Steven, offering him a small, tentative smile. "... Is that alright with you?" She asked.

Steven opened his mouth to respond, only to find himself speechless, his attention now fully focused on his shoulder, where his gem's thumb did a few, quick sweeps over it. A small, comforting gesture, and yet, it made Steven feel so much more uneasy. 

He just wanted this to be over with.

"Yeah, that's fine with me." Steven stated, gingerly pushing the bowl away from himself, having lost the rest of his appetite. Pearl nodded, picking Steven's bowl up from the counter top before bringing it over to the sink. Steven watched, and couldn't help but notice the frown that formed on her face upon seeing how little of it he had eaten. He was immediately racked with guilt, mentally kicking himself for not having tried to stomach more of it. Pearl and his dad had put so much effort into making that for him this afternoon, and _everyone_ had been putting so much effort into trying to help him these past two days... Steven couldn't help but feel horrible for making everyone work so hard, and for making everyone feel so hopeless, all for _his_ sake.

But Steven had been doing that since he was _born._ He had seen, first-hand, just how much everyone had struggled because of him, how hard everyone had tried to figure out how to raise him, to figure out what was best for him, to figure out what he needed...

Feeling more deflated than ever, Steven excused himself from the kitchen to turn in for the night. He shifted out of his chair with the help from his gem, and to everyone's surprise, he made his rounds around the kitchen, giving everyone an individual thank you, and mustering up as much of a hug as his body would allow. He left the four of them, who now wore misty eyes and warm smiles, as he to made his way back to his bedroom, where he settled into bed without so much as taking off his jacket.

Upon laying down, Pink Steven hesitated, waiting to see if his other-half would instruct him on how to lay down, like he had done the night before. However, upon receiving no instructions, the gem took full advantage of his freedom. He shifted as close to Steven as he could, forehead coming to rest on the back of his neck, and arm lifting to wrap around his midsection, effectively hugging Steven from behind. 

Steven was too tired to fight it off, too exhausted to care, and too upset with himself to feel that he deserved to voice what he was and wasn't comfortable with. Shutting his eyes tight, Steven gave into the embrace without a fight, and let his mind wander to all that had happened today.

He knew now that his gem had been picking up signs of affection from those around him, putting them to practice with Steven in a misguided attempt to deal with their separation. From the way that his gem was currently snuggled up to him, it was apparent that he was now exploring his own ways showing affection, as well.

Steven tried not focus on the warm breath that spilled out over his neck.

 _His gem was confused._ That was all. He was confused without Steven's full set of memories, and he didn't know any better without a human frame of reference. Everything would go back to normal once they got his memories back, and they were so close to doing just that! They had already exhausted most of their options, and there was only so much more that they could try before they eventually found the thing that they needed. It was _going_ to happen, Steven just had to hold on until then.

But, since that was the case, it left Steven to wonder what would happen _after_ they had fixed the problem, _after_ they had fused back together.

Would things still be the same?

Even if they managed to get his gem's memories back, to make him normal again, to make him _Steven_ again... They couldn't do anything to erase what had happened today. They couldn't _undo_ the fact that his gem had gotten sensual with him, had touched him, had _kissed_ him... With or without his old memories, these new memories would still remain, and Steven didn't know if that would effect him in any way once he became whole again.

Steven gripped the comforter between his hands, his face scrunching up in frustration.

It was _okay!_

His gem didn’t know what he was doing! He didn't know any better!

They would show him! They would help him remember!

He could change! He _would_ change! _He-…!_

Hey…

Maybe…?

Well, it wouldn't hurt to try. Plus, it would be better to nip this in the butt while he still could. Steven knew that he couldn't keep himself awake for too much longer.

So, shifting in the bed, Steven steadily managed to flip himself over onto his other side, where he came face-to-face with his gem, who greeted him with a curious expression.

“Hey, do you remember when Spinel hit us with the rejuvenator?” Steven asked.

His gem gave him a puzzled expression, taking a moment to think it over before he responded. "... Those two gems?" he asked, vaguely recalling the Jasper and Rose who had attacked them with their own rejuvinator.

"No, no. It was a different gem, and it happened about two years ago." Steven explained, and slowly, he told his gem the story of Spinel, of the rejuvinator, of the Crystal Gems, and how they had all been reset once before, too. He explained who the gems had been before, how they had grown, how they had changed, how they had overcome their struggles and challenges in order to become the people that they were today.

"They've changed so much over the years, and so have we! We're all _completely_ different people now." Steven said, a smile playing on his face. His gem stared back at him while he spoke, interested, but just as equally confused.

"I just- I just want you to know that you can change, too, just like everyone else has, and when you do... you don't have to beat yourself up too much over any of the mistakes you might've made, because it's okay to make mistakes. That's how we learn, and how we grow, and... and just keep that in mind, okay?" Steven said, resting a hand on top of his gem's and giving it a quick squeeze. "It's okay to forgive yourself for things that you did when you didn't know any better." He concluded.

Pink Steven absorbed the information, letting it settle in for a moment before he returned the squeeze, and gave Steven a steady nod of the head. "... Okay."

Steven smiled, hoping that this would be enough to let the two of them fuse together peacefully once the time came, without any awkward feelings attached. His eyelids slowly began drifting downwards in an attempt to shut his tired eyes, only to flutter back open as he tried to keep himself awake.

"Good, good. I just... I think that... you might... you... " Steven spoke, struggling to focus on the words coming out of his mouth as his mind was tugged deeper and deeper into sleep.

Pink Steven watched as his other-half struggled to speak, something close to amusement stirring up inside his chest. It was obvious that Steven had over-exerted himself in order to have this conversation, and now that the bulk of it was over, he was barely able to keep awake. His sleepy attempts to continue talking with him were... _very_ cute.

Reaching forward, the gem gently pulled his other-half's eyelids down, using his middle and index fingers to manually shut them himself. "Goodnight..." He said, effectively ending the conversation for him. 

To Pink Steven's absolute astonishment, Steven let out a soft, breathy laugh at the action, sending a furious swarm of butterflies through the gem's stomach, _warm and fast and exciting and-...!_

-and it was happening again, _love,_ just like when they were fusing, just like when they were kissing.

With a mumbled "Goodnight" of his own, Steven rolled over in bed, facing away from his gem and getting settled in for the night.

With a hand resting on his other-half's hip, and his eyes trained on the back of his neck, Pink Steven was left to stew in his thoughts, and to replay the sound of Steven's laugh in his mind over... and over... and over again.

Steven was... okay with him changing.

That seemed to be the main point of the story he had told, that he was okay with him becoming... a different person?

Pink Steven was immediately brought back to the thoughts he had been having the night before.

Because if that were the case, then those things he had been thinking, those things he had been feeling, the disconnection between him and Steven, and the contentment of being _besides_ him rather than _a part_ of him were all... okay. 

There wasn't anything wrong with him. He was just... changing.

According to Steven, that was okay. Changing was a _good_ thing.

So... maybe _this_ was a good thing.

Maybe it was good that he didn't feel like Steven anymore.

Maybe he was okay with this situation, with being separated.

_After all…_

He thought, pulling Steven a little closer towards himself, eyes shutting as he rested his forehead against the back of his neck, taking in a deep inhale. Despite how hard Steven had tried to wash it away, he still smelled faintly like rose water, and the gem thought that the scent couldn't be any lovelier on him. 

_He really, really enjoyed getting to hold Steven like this..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next
> 
> Chapter 6: In which everything goes horribly wrong, and you start getting what the tags advertised.


	6. Troubling Revelations

The plan for the day had already been set.

The Crystal Gems would be taking both Steven and his gem-half to Homeworld today. There, they would pay a visit back to White's headship, where _it_ had happened, where Steven and his gem had fused for the first time, and where they hoped the setting would be enough to make their fusion work this time. However, before they made the trip over to Homeworld, the gems decided that they would give Pink Steven a quick run-down of the Diamonds, just so that he wasn't walking in completely blind.

Pink Steven listened intently as the gems spoke, explaining to him who the three people he would be meeting today were. He listened as they briefly explained the Diamond's authority on Homeworld, the dismantled empire they had once ruled, and the relation that they held with Steven's mom. They went over bits and pieces of their persons, although none of them seemed too enthralled to be doing so. The Crystal Gems didn't appear to hold any warm feelings towards the Diamonds, and in complete honesty, Pink Steven couldn't say that he felt anything warm towards them, either. 

The exact opposite, really.

Over the past few days, the stories that he had been told had given him a clearer understanding as to who his human-half was, who his loved ones were, and what his life was like. They provided him with vague visions and phantoms feelings of events from Steven's life. He could recall short moments from Steven's childhood, feelings of love, feelings of sadness... feelings of _fear._

_That_ was what he remembered in regards to the Diamonds.

That was _all_ he remembered in regards to them.

He could recall the absolute terror that Steven had experienced because of them. Visions of being a prisoner on a spaceship. Visions of a trial. Visions of running, and of fighting, and of attempted shatterings, and... and of his gem, _himself,_ being removed from Steven.

_That was a piece from his first memory - His memory of fusing with Steven._

_It was one of the Diamonds who had been there, who had attacked him, who had..._

As soon as the pieces started falling into place, the conversation had shifted into talk of the Diamonds 'changed' behavior, of Steven’s two years that he spent reforming them, of everything - being swept under the rug - _once - again._

The pink gem couldn’t help but feel enraged. After everything he had learned over these past few days, the one thing that stood out to him the most was how Steven was constantly helping, and caring, and _loving_ so many people who had hurt him so _badly,_ so _wrongly,_ and so _much._ If the things he had remembered about Rose Quartz yesterday didn't infuriated him, then the things that he remembered about the Diamonds today sure as hell did.

Was there _anyone_ here who hadn't hurt Steven before?

If it wasn’t the gems from Little Homeworld, who had attempted to kill him on multiple occasions, then it was the Crystal gems, who had caused him an unbelievable amount of turmoil over his mother's passing. If it wasn’t the Crystal Gems, then it was any other gem out there, like Spinel, who wanted to hurt him over things that someone else had done entirely. If it wasn’t gems at all, then it was humans, like Greg and Connie. Although the two hadn’t particularly done anything to peeve-off the gem, Pink Steven strongly felt as though they were unfit to protect Steven from the various dangers in his life, such as the Diamonds, and if they couldn't protect him from them, then _he_ would.

Pink Steven had made up his mind.

After everything he had learned, after everything he had remembered, and after everything he had felt... He didn’t _want_ to fuse back together anymore.

No. He wanted to stay _here._ To stay _separated._ To stay where he could _protect_ Steven.

If Steven didn't want to put his own well-being before anyone else's, then _fine._

He would do that for him.

"Alright, let's get a move on." Pearl announced, turning on her heel and making her way over to the warp pad, with Garnet and Amethyst following in suit.

As the three gems stepped onto the warp, Steven made a move to stand up and join them, expecting his gem to assist him in the motion. However, confusion and surprise were quick to spread over his face as the gem pulled him back down onto the couch, wrapping an arm around his waist in order to keep him in place. Steven shot him back a puzzled look.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked.

“I don’t want to go.” The gem stated, his voice quiet and stern.

“What was that?” Pearl asked, turning back around to face the two of them, Garnet and Amethyst casting their own curious glances back the pair.

_“I don’t. want. to go.”_ He repeated. Louder. Firmer.

The four all stared at Pink Steven in surprise, silence filling up the room for a moment as they exchanged confused looks between one another.

“Well, um... Why's that?“ Pearl questioned.

“I don’t trust them." The gem stated, an angry bite to his tone. "I don't _like_ them." He clarified, his eyes hardening as his hold on Steven tightened, causing the human to wince and shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“Oh, um, well…” Pearl began, only to find herself at a loss. Amethyst was quick to step in for her, walking over to the pair with an empathetic smile on her face.

“Hey buddy, I get it. We're not exactly _best friends_ with the Diamonds either, but we’re not really goin' there for them, y'know? We're goin' there for you." She said, placing a hand onto Steven's shoulder, flashing him a quick smile. "We're goin' there for Stev-"

Pink Steven immediately snatched Steven from his seat, pulling him into his arms before standing from the couch, putting some distance between the two of them. The action left Amethyst's hand lingering in the air, and an offended look on her face.

"Wha- uh, _hey!_ What gives?" Amethyst asked, taking a step forward, only for Pink Steven to take a step back, glaring at her as he did so.

Steven sat baffled in his gem's arm, looking back and forth between his gem and Amethyst, who continued shooting each other nasty looks. Garnet and Pearl stood and watched the situation with surprised expressions, and after another tense beat of silence, Pink Steven turned on his heel began towards the door, leaving the gems with dumbfounded looks on their faces.

"Hey! _Stop!"_ Garnet demanded, taking a step after the two of them.

“Uh- D-don’t worry guys! I’ll have a talk with him!” Steven offered, awkwardly staring back at the gems from over his gem's shoulder. Garnet stopped in her tracks, although an uncertain expression remained on her face.

“Sure you don’t need any help, dude?” Amethyst asked, visibly worried.

“We’re good! Be back in a little bit!” He called back, just before being carried outside. The door was left open and ajar behind them as the gem stomped past it, promptly making his way down the house stairs. As they made their way down, Steven could see the gems filing outside, stopping to stand on the balcony and watch them as they left. Eventually, the three turned towards one another to exchange words, obviously trying to determine what the issue was amongst themselves.

Turning his attention back to his gem, Steven attempted to ask what the problem was, and where they were going, only to be met with stone-cold silence. However, he didn't have to wait too much longer to get his answer, because as the gem began making his way up the hill of the temple, the only possible destination in their sights was the lighthouse on top of it. As Steven gazed up at the building, he noticed the overcast weather billowing behind it. Light gray clouds blanketed the sky and blocked out the sun, with clouds of darker shades steadily creeping up in the horizon, promising that rain would soon be on it's way. 

As cliche as it was, Steven couldn't help but have a _very_ bad feeling about all of this.

The two made their way up to the building, where Pink Steven eagerly pushed open the door and stepped inside, clicking it locked behind him. A cold, dark room was what greeted them upon entering, with only patches of light filtering through the windows, dim and dull from the cloudy weather outside. The lighthouse furnishings were still there, neatly placed and still in good condition. However, most of their surfaces had collected a thin layer of dust from their time without use, a spider-web or two decorating the a few available corners.

Steven frowned as his eyes scanned over everything. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been up here, and apparently, none of his friends had used this place as their hang out spot in quite some time, either. Absentmindedly, Steven wondered where they liked to hang out now. He wondered if any of them remembered the good times they'd had up here, together, back when he was younger...

The gem payed no mind to the somewhat dirty interior, nor the sentimental value that this place held. He made his way over to one of the couches, promptly taking a seat on it. The action sent a puff of dust billowing up from the cushion, and Steven coughed back the particles while his gem swallowed him up into a strange hug, arms wrapping around his chest and legs wrapping around his stomach. Once there, the gem then proceeded to bury his face into the crook of Steven’s neck, letting out a deep, frustrated huff into the collar of his jacket, falling both still and silent as he made himself comfortable.

Steven sat there awkwardly, his cheeks steadily tinting pink upon realizing the position he was being held in. With his back was pressed against his gem’s stomach, it felt _far_ too similar to the position he had found himself in two nights ago. However, as uncomfortably intimate as the position was, Steven could feel that there nothing sensual about it this time. His gem honestly seemed to be upset about something, the weird, four-limbed hug only being a means of comfort to him. Steven could literally feel the frustration wound up in his gem’s body, tense and angry.

He was just trying to calm himself down.

“Hey... What’s the matter?” Steven asked.

His gem didn’t reply, and only buried his face deeper into Steven’s body, hiding himself away. Steven frowned at that.

“Did the Diamonds really upset you that much? I mean, if they did, I get it. They’ve done a lot of bad things in the past, and they’re still not the easiest to-“

“It's not just them.” The gem mumbled, shifting to drag his forehead down Steven’s shoulder, his eyes now staring down at the dusty floor.

Steven sighed. “Are you still upset at the others? Didn’t you understand part of the talk we talk last night?”

“I did.” The gem stated.

“Then why are you still so-?“

_“Steven.”_

Steven froze, the rest of his sentence immediately dying off on his tongue.

_That was new._

In the past three days, his gem hadn't called him by his name too many times before, not asides from when he was first testing it out. To be completely honest, Steven didn’t really know why he found it so surprising. Technically, they were both Steven, despite the fact that the others had started to refer to his gem as ‘Pink Steven’ or ‘Pinkie’. Steven couldn’t even remember what he had been calling his gem by, if had been calling him by anything at all. Either way, it wasn't a big deal.

So then, why did it feel so... _wrong_ when he said it?

“Uh...” Steven paused, falling silent as his gem’s limbs suddenly tightened around him, the comforting hug now turning into something much more... _possessive._

“They don’t deserve you.” Pink Steven stated in a low, angry tone.

Steven couldn’t help the bit of anger bubbling up in his chest. That was, what, the third time his gem had said something along those lines? Had implied that the gems, his friends, his family were _below_ himself somehow? Steven couldn't help be feel absolutely furious at the implication.

_“Stop. Saying that.”_ He demanded, the words escaping out of his mouth through his tightened jaw.

However, the words seemed to have flown by the gem, because he was quick to dismiss them and continue on. “You don’t need them.” His gem growled, hugging Steven closer. “They can't take care of you.”

Steven grunted as he started to shift between the limbs that held him, frustrated with his gem and now eager to get some space. “They don’t _have_ to take care of me! We all take care of _each other!_ And yeah, sometimes they make mistakes, but _we all do!_ They’re my family and I love them! And I know that _you_ love them, too!” Steven explained, pulling at the hands on his sides.

“No...” His gem breathed, one of those hands beginning to trail up Steven’s chest, to his neck, where it caressed his face. From there, he gently turned Steven's face towards his own, pink, half-lidded pink eyes soaking in Steven's upset expression.

“I love _Steven..._ ” He corrected.

Steven immediately attempted to twist his face out the gem’s grasp, but the fingers pressed against his cheek refused to budge, refused to let him go. So, he stared back his gem, eyes bright and angry. “You _are_ Steven!” He shot back.

“No.” The gem said, pressing his lips against the corner of Steven's mouth as he spoke. “I’m not."

Steven froze, his blood turning to ice at the undeniably intimate contact. 

This wasn't right.

This wasn't good.

His gem was getting worse, and he needed to stop this. _Now._

_"Yes! You are!"_ Steven stated, frantically picking back up in his struggle. "You're Steven, _just_ as much as I am, and you need to _cut this out_ before-!"

Before Steven could even hope to break free, his gem began to shift, hands firm on Steven's body as he readjusted their position. He turned, pushing Steven down to lay flat on his back, where he promptly settled on top of him, pinning Steven's hips down with the weight of his body. Hands coming to rest on either side of Steven's head, the gem stared down at him, intense eyes zeroing in on the embarrassed expression his human-half wore, eager to get his point across to him. 

_“... I changed.”_ The gem firmly stated, his hand now traveling to rest on Steven's face, fingers curling before gently dragging down the smooth skin, soaking in the warmth that his flushed, pink cheeks radiated. He continued with the motion as he spoke. “... I don’t think I’m you anymore.”

“What...? What are you _talking_ about!?” Steven exclaimed, his hands now coming to grip at his gem's legs, attempting to push the other's body off of him, to no avail.

“I’m not Steven.” The gem explained, shifting to take a hold of Steven's prying hands, gently pinning them down onto the couch.

Steven immediately began tugging against the new hold on him, hands balling into fists as he twisted his wrists and kicked his legs in an attempt to break free.

_“Oh yeah?_ Then who are you supposed to be?” Steven questioned.

“… I’m not sure.” The gem said, quietly. His eyes glanced to side, where he took a moment for himself to think it over. He was silent and unmoving for a long while, his human-half continuing to squirm and writhe beneath him while he thought. Eventually though, the gem's eyes lit up, and he turned back to Steven eagerly.

"Pink." He stated, causing Steven to fall still, his struggling coming to a halt as an uncomfortable expression settled onto his face.

"... What about her?" Steven hesitantly asked. 

"No." The gem said, shaking his head. "Call me Pink.” He corrected, causing Steven's eyes to fly open wide.

“Wha-... _N-no! No,_ I am _not_ going to call you that! That was _mom’s_ name, and I-!“

“No, it wasn’t.” The gem interrupted. 

Steven shot him a baffled look, taken aback and extremely confused by the statement. "Uh... _yes, it was."_

The gem shook his head, looking down at Steven intently. “She _changed._ She became Rose.”

Steven frowned at that. It was true, but... "Okay, but still, she-!“

The gem stopped him, releasing one of his wrists in order to place his hand onto Steven's stomach, right over his navel.

_“She was Rose."_ He began, his hand now gliding up to rest on Steven's chest. _"You are Steven.”_ He stated, removing his hand, only to place it on top of his own chest now. _“I am Pink.”_ He concluded, leaving Steven dumbstruck and speechless beneath him.

Steven couldn't believe what he was hearing. On one hand, this had all come out of nowhere, leaving Steven blindsided by what was being said to him... and yet, on the other hand, Steven mentally kicked himself for not catching this sooner.

Why hadn't it come off as strange to him? The fact that his gem, this entire time, had been upset about the things the gems had done do him. He had never once stated that he was upset with what had happened to _both_ of them. No. He had consistently stated that he was upset over what had happened to _Steven_ _._ He had never mentioned himself in any of those scenarios, as if those things hadn't happened to _him_ at all. It was like he was seeing them as two... different people.

The fact that Steven had never caught on to that, had never brought it up, had never corrected him on it... He had been unintentionally reinforcing that mindset in his gem this entire time. He had been making his gem feel disconnected from himself, from the one, whole person that they were supposed to be.

Lost within the realization, Steven laid there, still and silent as he let it sink in. Apparently, he must've been unresponsive for a little too long, because upon receiving nothing but stunned silence from Steven, Pink's hand fell from his chest and back onto Steven's cheek.

"I am Pink..." The gem stated, his face slowly leaning downwards, lips steadily drawing closer to Steven's until- "... and I love _Steven." -he kissed him._

Steven watched as the movement happened in slow-motion, frozen and stiff as the gem's warm lips moved purposefully on top of his own, horrified by the implication that his gem might be... _romantically_ interested in him.

He couldn't do this.

He couldn't do this on his own anymore.

He didn’t care. He didn’t care how embarrassing that it was, or how humiliated that he felt, or how weird of a situation he was in. He just wanted this to be over with. He just wanted things to go back to normal again. He just wanted his _family._

And so, Steven jerked his head to the side, and he screamed.

**_“HELP!! GARNET!! AM-_ ** _**Mm** pph!!”_

Steven's screams were quickly muffled as the hand on his cheek swiftly shifted to cover his mouth, the gem's eyes blown wide in surprise as he worked to keep Steven pinned to the couch, his struggling picking up once again.

_"Y_ _ou don’t need them!!”_ Pink shouted, his tone desperate, frustrated, strained through gritted teeth.

_“_ _mmmp-p_ _P_ ** _PEEARL!!”_** Steven screamed, managing to rip the gem's hand off of his mouth with his own.

Pink made quick work, gripping both of Steven's wrists between one of his hands, restraining them above his head to keep them out of the way. Using his free hand, Pink caressed Steven's face, trying to get him to look at him, trying to console him, trying to get him to _understand!_

_“Get off of me!!"_ Steven cried, desperately squirming beneath his gem. His hips bucked, his legs kicked, and his wrists twisted in the hold, all to no avail. He was trapped between the couch and his gem, unable to do anymore more than stare up at the pink, alien eyes above him as he futilely struggled.

Pink didn't know what was wrong with himself.

The whole reason he was here in the first place was because he was angry at everyone for hurting Steven, for mistreating him, for making him _unhappy._ He just wanted to get away from them for a moment, and now, here he was, doing practically the same thing by holding Steven down like this. All he wanted to do was _protect_ Steven! So... So why...?

Why was he _enjoying_ this so much?

Pink couldn't ignore the warmth that pooled in his stomach as he felt Steven squirming beneath him. He couldn't ignore how the butterflies reappeared in his gut as he watched Steven's flushed, twisted, and screaming face. He couldn't ignore the overwhelming urge to kiss him again, despite how abnormal and unfitting it would be in this situation. Pink's hand unconsciously squeezed at Steven's wrists with far too much force, attempting to stifle the overwhelming new emotions that were filling up his body. He needed to focus on calming Steven down, on consoling him, on making him understand exactly _why_ he was-!

One particular buck sent Pink absolutely bristling with excitement. 

Was kind of emotion was _this_ supposed to be?

Pink stared down at Steven with a newfound intensity. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, holding Steven like this, enjoying this, but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't bring himself to let Steven go, because he couldn't bring himself to give up the sick sort of satisfaction that he felt at having Steven here, right where he wanted him, and _all to himself._

_Alone, without any of the Little Homeworld gems, Crystal Gems, or Diamonds..._

**_"GUYS!!"_** Steven screamed, his voice cracking under the strain of it's volume.

Pink couldn't help the anger slowly building up in his already emotionally overwhelmed body. Why did Steven want _them_ so bad? Why did he love _them_ so much? Why did Steven still not like it when _he_ kissed him!? _Why!?_

_“They're horrible!!"_ Pink shouted down at him, unable to stifle the harsh, emotional tone of his voice.

_"No, they're not!!"_

_"Yes, they are!!"_

The two continued on with their battle, shouting and struggling with one another for another good minute. Things didn't start to slow down until Steven's weakened body began to give out, his muscles starting to cramp and his body beginning to ache from how much he was over-exerting himself. Eventually, Steven found that he could hardly bring himself to move at all anymore, practically falling limp underneath his gem and within the hold. His face was beat-red, and his chest heaved with his unsteady breath. He shut his eyes tightly, unwilling to stare up at the face, _his own face,_ hovering above him.

_"Why are you doing this...? Why do you hate them so much...?"_ He asked between breaths, his voice now quiet, pathetic and pleading. He had lost almost all of his fight.

Pink slowly started to calm down as Steven stilled beneath him, his expression beginning to soften and his grip beginning to lighten, although he kept Steven's hands firmly restrained where they were, still unwilling to let go as of yet.

“... They _hurt_ you." He repeated, a frown beginning to settle onto his face. "... You don’t care about yourself.” He added.

“But that's... That’s not _true.”_ Steven responded.

“Yes, it is."

"No, it's not."

"You're _lying."_

“What makes you think that I'm lying?” Steven asked, honestly offended by the accusation.

“Because you're not okay." Pink stated, his voice having sufficiently lowered. His angry tone from before had now transitioned into a fairly sad one, a concerned expression now edged onto his face to accompany it. "... Not after everything you went through."

Steven found himself falling silent, looking up at his gem with an... unreadable expression. He offered no response to the comment, and so, the gem continued on.

"... I know you're not happy." Pink said, quietly, gently. The hand holding Steven's wrists together softened just a touch more, with the thumb now beginning to rub affectionately at the now-sore skin. Pink's other hand lightly trailed over Steven's jaw, and the gem stared down at him with a sad glint in his eyes. "... I know you're hurting." He whispered.

Steven didn't know what it was. He didn't know if it was because of how overwhelming this situation was, or because of the things his gem was saying, or... or because someone had finally managed to see through his front, to acknowledge his pain, to touch him, so lovingly, and so comfortingly, and... Whether it was all of those things together, or something else entirely, Steven didn't know, but for one reason or another, he started to tear up. His nose tinted red as his eyes welled up with tears, his mouth pressing into a firm line in order to stifle the way his lips trembled.

Pink's demeanor significantly softened, and he leaned down to press a slow, affectionate kiss onto Steven's forehead, shutting his eyes as he mumbled against Steven's skin. 

"Tell me the truth..." He requested, steadily dragging himself down Steven's face, lips gently ghosting over Steven's mouth.

Steven was quick to turn his head away, screwing his eyes shut. 

It was too much.

_It was too much!_

There was too much going on in his body, too much going on in his head, too much going on in his heart. His emotions were welling up too quickly, and Steven found his breathing becoming ragged as tears started leaking out of his eyes. He tried. He really, really tried, but this time, he couldn't push his emotions back down. He couldn't bottle them back up. They were bubbling over, and Steven couldn't stop the words from spilling out of his mouth.

“Y-you want the truth? That's really what you want? Because _fine, you're right._ I’m _not_ okay! I’m _not_ okay- and I haven’t _been_ okay- and I-! Sometimes _I just-!_ " Steven said, stumbling over his words, his body trembling and his voice shaking with emotion as he spoke.

"I just wish-! _I just-! I JUST WISH THAT SHE WASN’T A PART OF ME!! I WISH THAT I WASN’T HER SON!!”_

Stunned silence engulfed the two of them after that, leaving nothing but Steven’s heavy, ragged breaths and Pink’s heavy, stunned silence.

Pink stared down at his other-half, eyes wide with surprise by the confession. Before the gem could say anything, before he could comment, before he could react...

... his body began to glow.

Suddenly engulfed in light, Pink's body sunk down to blanket over Steven's, melting into him until he dissipated altogether, leaving nothing behind other than his gem, which came to settle within Steven's navel once again. The two of them, within a fraction of a second, had become one, whole person again.

Steven laid on the couch in a daze, blinking back both tears and surprise as he felt his strength slowly returning to his body, his skin filling with color, and his mind buzzing with the return of his powers.

They... had fused...?

_... That_ was what had done it?

It wasn't a memory that they needed to re-jog. 

It wasn't an event that they need to relive.

It wasn't even a life lesson that they needed to rediscover.

No. What they had needed was the harsh reality of Steven's feelings. They needed the emotions Steven had been repressing, the thoughts he had been refusing to share, the problems that he had been reluctant to admit, both to himself, and to everyone else.

Now that he had admitted that he was hurt, and had spoken just a _piece_ of what he had been experiencing... He had gotten his gem-half back, and they had fused again to become one, whole person.

Steven was only given about five seconds tops to process what had happened before he found a scream erupting from his throat.

_Something was wrong._

_Something was very, very wrong._

It was like ants under his skin. A deep-seeded, unbearable discomfort that he writhed around in, frantically kicking and scratching at the couch in an attempt to push it out. It was like there was an itch at the core of his being, making his skin crawl and each and every one of his nerves tingle uncomfortably. He finally had his full strength back to move, to kick, to flail, to rub at his arms and to dig his nails into his skin, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to fight off whatever it was that was making him go crazy.

It wasn’t long before Steven's gem started to glow, and with blinding light and a loud ‘pop’, it was out again. Bursting back to life, Steven's other-half manifested on top of him, hands and knees falling to rest on either side of Steven's body. Eyes blown wide, Pink stared down at Steven in shock, not having expected them to fuse, not having expected them to unfuse, overcome with the situation and overcome with the fact that... 

He remembered. 

He remembered everything.

He remembered, in excruciating detail, exactly who he was, who everyone was, and most importantly, who the human laying beneath him, with wide and distant eyes, was.

Steven, however, could hardly register the person above him, too overcome by the thoughts and emotions now coursing through his mind.

_It was his mom._

After three days, it was the fact that he talked about his _mom_ that had let him fuse with his gem again.

The fact that Rose Quartz was, _yet again,_ both the problem and the solution to one of Steven's issues caused an overwhelming, guttural, heartbreaking scream to rip free from his throat. Hot, fresh tears spilled down the sides of his face as he sobbed and hiccuped, wet and messy. His hands flew up to press against his eyes, desperate to either stifle his tears or to push them back inside of his body altogether.

Just push it down. _Push it down._ Bottle it up. _Bottle it up._

_It was like he couldn’t even have any problems of his own without her somehow always needing to be a part of it!_

_He could never get away from her! Even though she was dead!_

_None of this would have even happened if his mom hadn’t upset those two gems!_

_If she hadn’t upset all of Gemkind!_

_If her gem wasn’t buried inside of him and trying to assault him!_

Whether it was rational to blame his mom for this or not, Steven didn’t care. He choked back another sob, and felt one of his hands being pulled from his face in a firm yet gentle grip. Steven squeezed his exposed eye shut, desperately wanting to wallow in his misery _alone._ However, a second hand soon settled onto his cheek, cupping his face while it's thumb ran over his eye, brushing the tears out of his lashes and smoothing them out across his skin. The motion continued until Steven felt that there were no more tears left that he could cry, and he was left feeling nothing less than absolutely exhausted.

Steven felt the hand on his face begin to squeeze at him gently, the thumb now moving to brush underneath his eye, applying just enough pressure to prompt Steven to open it up once again.

One look up at his gem-half was enough to make it clear why their fusion didn’t work.

The self-love that he had once remembered reflected in his gem's eyes was no longer there. Instead, Steven could see that whatever love was inside them had been twisted up into something else entirely, something that both looked and felt so blatantly _wrong._

It went beyond the idea of self-love.

It went beyond mere protectiveness for his other-half.

_It felt akin to possessiveness._

_It looked akin to obsession._

But it was all of those things and none of those things at the same time. It was some sort of sick, self-indulgent affection that took advantage of their need to be together. It was a complex instinctual and emotional web that trapped Steven at the center of this intense adoration.

Steven couldn’t stop the fresh batch of tears from slipping through his fingers. He couldn’t help but feel like he was doing this to himself, in some way. He couldn’t help but feel like all of this was his own fault.

_Everything was always his fault._

_Whether he was Pink Diamond._

_Whether he was Rose Quartz._

_Whether he was Steven Universe._

_It didn’t matter._

_He would never be free to just exist peacefully._

_Why couldn’t the universe just give him a break?_

_All he wanted to do was go for a walk…!_

Worst of all, Steven couldn’t help but feel, with the absolute absurdity of the situation, that the idea of loving himself was so, incredibly **_stupid._**

Then, a knock pulled him free from those thoughts.

_“Steven!?_ Steven, are you in there!?” The voice called, frantic.

_Pearl! It was Pearl! She was-!_

_“Yo, the door’s locked, I can’t get it to budge!”_ The second voice chimed. Worry was thick in their tone as well.

_Amethyst!_

_“Move.”_ The third voice, Garnet, instructed. A moment later, Steven and his gem felt the ground beneath them shake as something heavy suddenly collided with the door, sending it flying through the room and crashing into the wall behind them, splintering into pieces.

Steven beamed.

_They found him! They knew he was in here! He was going to-!_

Before Steven could celebrate, he felt himself being yanked off of the couch and pulled into a protective hold by his gem. The color pink blurred his vision as a shield formed in front of them, large and jagged and tinting the forms of the three gems who stood in the doorway, mouths agape and expressions stunned as they took in the scene before them.

To the Crystal Gems, it was a lot to process.

Steven and his gem-half were, indeed, inside here.

Pink Steven's powers were back, but for some reason, the two of them were still unfused.

Steven was upset, crying, apparently being held against his will by the gem at his side.

The three of them had no idea what to make of it, but they knew with overwhelming clarity that Steven was in trouble, and that was all that they needed in order to spring into action.

Lunging towards the pair, the three made an attempt to strike at the shield, only to be knocked back by the reverberation. Pink was quick to move while they were down, dissipating the shield and making a break for the exit. In one fast and fluid motion, Amethyst tugged her whip from her gem and flung it towards the Diamond, the weapon looping around his ankles and tripping him in his run. Pink fell to the floor with a thud, and Steven tumbled out of his arms, rolling out the front door and into the grass outside.

The four gems paused, each stopping to stare at Steven before exchanging glances with one another. It wasn't a second later that the four were scrambling towards the door after him, each desperate to get to him first.

Pearl was the one who managed to maneuver past the bunch and get to him, eagerly and protectively scooping him up into her arms. "I got you Steven! I got- _Woah!"_ Pearl ducked down as a jagged shield came flying her way, just barely dodging it in time as it as it flew over her head. Looking back towards the door, Garnet and Amethyst were attempting to hold Pink back by his arms, however, from his gem, the Diamond began to grow a pink dome around himself, effectively breaking their holds on him and pushing them backwards. Once they were far enough away, the dome exploded, sending the two of them flying backwards and skidding against the ground. 

Pink kept his eyes trained on Pearl the entire time, and with Garnet and Amethyst now out of his way, he began moving towards her, eerily silent and overwhelmingly tense in his approach.

_"Stop it!_ You're going to hurt someone!" Steven pleaded. Pink's eyes flicked over to him for a moment before returning to Pearl.

“Leave him _alone.”_ Pink demanded.

Pearl shot him a baffled look, hugging Steven closer to herself as she took a step backwards. “What? What do you mean _'leave him alone'?_ _You're_ the one he doesn't want to be around!" She called back, quickly dodging another shield that was thrown her way. She and Steven shared a brief look of concern with each other before Pearl took off down the hill, swiftly jumping over the fence and leaping over the edge, falling until they landed in the sand below. Pearl barely had time to get both feet settled on the ground before Garnet shouted at her from above.

_"Watch out!!"_

Suddenly, a pink, spiked ball came crashing to the ground besides her, making her stumble with the force of it's landing and sending both her and Steven toppling over into the sand. Steven found himself ripped away from Pearl's embrace almost instantly, and colors and shapes whirred past him as Pink took off with him, only to suddenly stop when Garnet stood in their path, gauntlet-clad fists outstretched and refusing to let them pass.

"Put him down. _Now."_ Garnet demanded. 

Pink's arms curled possessively tight around Steven's body as he glared at her. For a moment, neither of them made a move, their intense glares rivaling one another's as Steven watched, helpless from within his gem's iron hold. All it took was one little movement, just a quick, little shift of Garnet's arms to completely set the Diamond off. His blank yet intimidating stare immediately contorted into something absolutely terrifying, shooting a pang of fear through the fusion as he screamed.

“He’s. ** _MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_** _ **”**_

The boom of his voice created an explosion under his feet, sending an incredible amount of sand bursting up from the ground and flying up into the air. The sand puffed up in thick, heavy clouds, engulfing and blinding everyone inside of it. The sand was slow in it's fall back to the ground, and as it settled, Steven and the gems let out near simultaneous cries, the grains easily making their way into everyone’s eyes. Rubbing sand and tears from his face, Steven could feel his gem launching them both straight into the air, floating powers gently settling them back down on top of the roof of the house. Before Steven could even manage to open his eyes, they were flying again, towards the lighthouse and heading well past it, into the town, away from the gems.

_“Put me down!”_ Steven demanded, wrestling in his gem’s grasp as the town flew past them. Wind blew furiously over Steven, tangling his hair and whipping the hems of his jacket as they jumped from roof to roof of Beach City buildings, quickly reaching the end of the small ocean town. The world ahead of them offered nothing but black winding roads, tall grassy fields, and thick patches of woods. The gem skidded to a halt as they settled in front of the view, pink eyes flickering over the environment, taking in their options.

_“Let go of me!”_ Steven shouted, attempting to pry the gems tightly wound fingers off of himself. He looked back to the town behind them, desperate to catch a glance of Garnet, Amethyst, or Pearl on their way to his rescue, however, there was no one was there to meet his eyes. Suddenly, the town he was looking at began to move further away from him, his gem having apparently chosen a direction for them to head in.

“Wait- _Stop!”_ Steven pleaded, desperately reaching out for his town, for his home, for his _family._ “Where are we going!?”

“Away.” Was Pink’s answer, short and sweet. Shifting his hold, the gem adjusted to rest one of his hands on Steven’s back, rubbing at it in small, comforting circles. “Somewhere else.”

With that, a cold weight began to settle in the pit of Steven’s stomach, the realization hitting him that Pink, too, had no idea where they were going.

Steven watched as Beach City grew smaller and smaller in the distance, and his cries for help when unheard by any of it's residents. The Crystal Gems were nowhere in sight, and Steven was left to struggle futilely in his gem's hold, unable to stop him from taking him wherever he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next
> 
> Chapter 7: In which Pink gets what he wants.


	7. Aimless and Determined

It had been well over an hour since they'd started walking.

The overcast sky from the afternoon had come through with it's promise of rain. Thunder rumbled the ground below while lightening flashed in the clouds above. The rain fell down in harsh and heavy sheets, violently colliding with the bright pink shield hovering above the two of them, protecting them from the majority of the elements as they made their way through the damp woods.

Steven could hear the whirring of cars driving past on a road nearby, although he'd lost track of which direction the sounds were coming from quite some time ago. He couldn't tell if the road he was hearing was the main road that lead into Beach City, or if they'd made their way deep enough into the woods to have come across a different one. Pink refused to get close enough for Steven to tell, and without any way to keep track of which direction they were walking in, Steven was completely lost as to where they were. Along with that, it was starting to get dark out. Night was beginning to fall somewhere behind the thick layer of storm clouds, and it was getting difficult to see the wooded area that surrounded them. The only thing that kept the two of them from tripping over rocks or slipping down inclines was the glow that both Pink and his shield radiated, illuminating the ground below them in soft, pink light. 

Steven shivered as a particularly harsh gust of wind blew past them, chilling his skin through the soaked clothing that hung from his body. 

Throughout their walk, Steven had repeatedly attempted to wriggle free from Pink's hold, landing himself in the sopping grass and wet leaves a total of three times. Each time he managed to get himself there, he was unable to do more than drag himself an inch or two before he was promptly scooped back into his gem's arms, leaving him with nothing but mud smears on his shirt to show for his efforts. After Steven's third escape from his gem's arms, Pink's grip on him had significantly tightened, fingertips pressing into him with an uncomfortable amount of force, causing him to wince and writhe in discomfort. That writhing soon turned into struggling, with frustrated screams escaping from his mouth to accompany the motion. He went into what appeared to be a full blown tantrum, kicking and squirming in Pink's hold, demanding to be put down, demanding to be taken _home._ In response, Pink simply hugged Steven closer to himself, strictly holding him there as Steven’s arms pushed at his chest, trying to force a bit of distance between them. Pink paused in his walk, waiting until Steven had successfully screamed and struggled himself into a tired, panting mess. Only once the gem was certain Steven had given up did he begin in his stride once more, continuing on his way to their undecided destination.

Steven slumped in his gem's arms, closing his eyes and attempting to steady his breathing. He could feel a headache beginning to form from the stunt he had just pulled, and Steven had no choice but to resign himself to Pink's whims, accepting that he wasn’t physically capable of fighting back, let alone getting home, on his own. For a moment, he considered calling out for help, hoping that one of the cars he had heard might be able to hear him. However, he decided against it. He knew that even if he were to get someone's attention, he would be putting them in danger if they were to try and help him escape. His gem had already shown that he willing and capable of hurting other people, as per his fight with the Crystal Gems, and Steven wasn't willing to risk anyone getting hurt on his behalf. He would just have to wait until the Crystal Gems found him themselves. 

... The gems would be able to find him, right? Surely, they would. They had to be out and looking for him right now. In fact, Garnet had her future vision! There was a possibly that she already knew where they were, and were headed towards them right now!

But… his gem had chosen a random direction to run in back there. Even now, Steven was sure that they had no real destination in mind, and by choosing directions on a whim, it was anyone’s guess as to where they’d end up. There were so many possibilities...

The thought that they were now in an unforeseen timeline, one of many that branched off into many depending on which way Pink had chosen to run, left Steven’s stomach twisted up into knots.

Garnet probably had no idea where they were.

Or, even worse, she was following the wrong timeline trying to find him.

And that left Steven alone.

Steven could feel his headache intensifying as he sunk lower into his gem's arms, scared and horrified at the realization.

But... i-it was okay! He’d just have to come to some sort of understanding with Pink. What was stopping him from just talking things out, like he usually did? He’d done it plenty of times before with other gems. He'd done it with lost gems, vengeful gems, even gem _dictators!_ He could handle talking things out with-... with himself.

_Oh boy._

That thought alone frustrated him. He was practically dealing with _himself_ here. This wasn't some peeved-off gem who had been hurt by his mom or by the fall of the empire. No, this was a reflection of himself, fueled by the very same struggles that he had gone through in his life, the very same issues that he, himself, had not yet managed to work past.

So, where did that leave him? Steven had spent so many years focusing on other people's problems, had spend so much time helping other people through their issues, that he had no idea how to even address his own anymore.

With that in mind, Steven didn't even know how to _begin_ consoling his gem.

But, despite the fact that they had the same issues, the same memories, the same body... Steven couldn't help but feel that the person carrying him really _was_ an entirely different person now. Granted, he wasn't exactly a full person, either. His gem was both thinking and feeling independently now, forming his own opinions and making his own decisions without Steven's input. He had even picked out a new name for himself. However, despite all of that, he still lacked a real personality of his own. As of now, Pink was just an empty shell of Steven, going off of misguided feelings of anger and affection, and-...

... and that was about as far as Steven got in his inner ramblings before sleep started tugging at his mind.

After putting himself through three bursts of no gem contact, and after screaming and struggling himself into exhaustion, Steven could barely grasp at the thoughts lingering in his mind as his body begged him to give in, desperate to recharge itself after the stressful day he had been through. Along with that, Steven found himself being lulled to sleep by the various sensations around him. The pitter-patter of the rain that fell onto Pink's shield coaxed him into shutting his eyes, urging him to listen to the sound. The gentle bouncing of Pink's body as he walked eased him into the gem's embrace, unable to deny that he was relaxed by the motion. The soft light that resonated from Pink's body was like a night-light, gentle and comforting in this hectic situation he found himself in. Steven only lasted a few moments longer before his mind went blank and his vision went black, leaving him limp and unconscious within his gem's arm, unable to protest his body's needs any longer.

The moment that he felt his human-half go slack in his arms, Pink stopped in his tracks, staring down at Steven with eyes wide in astonishment. He was... _not_ expecting the rush that he felt as Steven passed out in his arms. At first, he thought that it was just a wave of concern, something he had felt plenty of times for Steven before, but... this was _different._ It was... a powerful feeling. It was sick sort of gratification at the fact that Steven was so helpless, so vulnerable, so... _dependent_ on him now.

It was exactly what Pink wanted - To be the one that Steven depended on. To be the one that Steven needed.

_To be the one that Steven wanted._

Pink took note of the warm, furious swarming in his stomach. The butterflies were back again, a furious flurry in his gut as he stared down at Steven's unconscious face. His cheeks were pink from straining himself. His hair was slicked back by the rain. His body was unconsciously curling in towards Pink's body, desperate for the small bit of warmth and comfort that it provided. He was... absolutely _enticing_ like this.

Pink gingerly leaned down to press a kiss onto Steven's forehead, mumbling a soft “Will protect you...” against his damp skin. It was a soft, sweet promise, and Pink was wholeheartedly intent on keeping it.

Looking back up, the gem could tell that the rain wasn't showing any signs of letting up. Steven was already soaking wet, and that put him on a timer to find refuge before his human-half ended up getting sick. With that in mind, Pink was on his way once again, navigating through the dark and damp wooded area for someplace that he and Steven could possibly stay.

* * *

It was a small town, meant for people passing through on their way between cities.

It only consisted of a few things, mainly: a gas station, a bus stop, a rest stop, and a handful of fast-food joints. 

As Pink stood at the edge of the woods, staring out at the small town in the distance, he weighed his options.

He looked towards the gas station. Without a car, there was nothing at that place that would prove useful to him right now. That option was out.

He turned towards the fast-food restaurants. Although useful, food wasn't a main priority at the moment. Steven was out cold, and most likely would be for the next couple of hours. He wouldn't need to worry about getting him something to eat until he woke up. So, that was out.

Next, he eyed up the rest stop. A brightly lit building with a handful of people walking about inside. It looked warm. It would provide them with the shelter that they needed from the storm, a place to dry off, and a place for them to rest. It was a good option, but not nearly as good as...

The bus stop. A bus could take them to another city, as well as offer them all of the same things that the rest stop did.

As long as Steven was asleep, and as long as he had the time, Pink wanted to put as much distance between them and Beach City as he could. He knew that the Crystal Gems were probably still out looking for them, but he had no way of telling just how close that they were at this point. They could very well be back at the temple right now, but they could just as likely be mere minutes away from finding the two of them. Plus, if they were to recruit the Little Homeworld trio or the humans into their search party, then Pink would end up with even more trouble on his hands. 

So, the more distance he could put between them, the better. He could get Steven food and a bed in whichever city they ended up in.

The only issue now was... 

Looking down at Steven, Pink shifted his hold on him, hands fumbling to reach inside of his various pockets. Inside, he managed to find...

Steven's keys. Without the Dondi, they were practically useless to him. He quickly pocketed them and moved on.

Steven's phone. Pink frowned, clicking on the little round HOME button and watching as the screen lit up with life. It displayed the time, 8:43 p.m., along with the 10 new messages that Steven had received since the two of them had fled from town. Pink gave the device a quick, irritated scowl before shoving it into his jacket pocket. Steven didn't need to talk to those people anymore. It was just going to be the two of them from now on. _No one else._

Calming himself down, Pink picked out the very last thing that Steven had on his person, and that was his...

His wallet. Opening up the little pouch, Pink rummaged around through it to find a few wrinkled twenties, some business cards for his dad's car wash, some business cards for Little Homeschool, and... _Steven's debit card._

Pink grinned.

Greg Universe, as rich and as kind as he was, always made sure that his son had more than enough money on his card for his day-to-day expenses, including the things that Steven frequently bought for the gems down at Little Homeschool. Pink didn't even need to think twice if there would be enough on it for them to get by.

With everything falling into place, and nothing standing in his way, Pink gleefully slid down the incline and into the town below, bus stop in his sights and excitement in his chest. He hugged Steven closer as the wind and the rain pelted them on their descent, chilling the already cold clothing that Steven wore, causing him to tense and curl into himself as he slept.

He would need new clothes, Pink noted, but that was alright. He could buy Steven anything that he needed. He could take Steven anywhere that he wanted. He could do absolutely anything his heart desired now that they were about to be home-free. They had a whole life waiting ahead of them, and Pink couldn't wait to get started living it.

* * *

Well, that statement proved to be a little too true.

Pink was beginning to get antsy. He'd been standing under the bus stop for nearly fifteen minutes now, and the rain was only beating down harder on the shelter above him as the time passed by. Steven was starting to tremble from the cold, leaving the gem to clutch him closer in an attempt to keep him warm.

As the gem stood there, staring down at Steven, his eye's couldn't help but wander down to Steven's wrists, where underneath his jacket sleeves, he could see the red, irritated skin poking out, still sore from where he had grabbed him earlier.

A frown was quick to settle itself onto Pink's face, and he gingerly lifted Steven up a little higher, leaning his head down and licking at his lips before pressing a kiss against the red skin, soothing the burns away with his healing powers.

Pink couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself.

He was supposed to be better than the people who had hurt Steven. He was supposed to protect him. He was supposed to make him _happy,_ and somewhere deep down in his heart, Pink knew that Steven wouldn't be happy with him, out here, like this. He would be happiest back with _them,_ with the people who quite obviously loved him, but had done so many terrible, terrible things to him in the past...

Was he doing a terrible thing right now?

Was this really what was best for Steven?

... Should he go back?

Just as Pink was beginning to eye up the woods that they had come through, the bus finally arrived and pulled up, with both smoky exhaust and exhausted looking people spilling out from it. 

Pink watched as a handful of passengers filed out, with some of them giving both him and Steven strange looks as they passed by, while the others were far too tired to acknowledge either of them, sluggishly stalking past on their way down the sidewalk and up to the rest stop. Pink paid them little mind, passive and uninterested up until an older, sleepy looking man made his way past them, bumping into Steven's legs that dangled over Pink's arm. The motion knocked one of his flip-flops off of his foot and onto the ground, where it landed in a shallow puddle below.

Pink instinctively clutched Steven closer to himself, fingers curling tightly around his body as he turned to shoot a pointed glare at the man, who simply mumbled a quick 'sorry' before continuing on his way. Pink held his glare as the man drifted off, only stopping to shift his gaze down to the fallen article, kneeling onto the ground in order to retrieve it. The act required him to adjust his hold on Steven, and at the movement, Steven began to stir. Mumbling something quiet and incomprehensible, Steven curled himself tighter against Pink's chest, trying to get comfortable once more in the newly shifted position.

Pink immediately felt an intense flush of anger pass through him, frustration welling up in his chest towards the man for having disturbed Steven, branching off and leaving Pink upset with the whole lot of passengers.

He didn't like any of them. None of them were fit to be around Steven. _No one was._

Whatever doubts that he was having were quick to melt away, and Pink now knew, wholeheartedly, that this was what he wanted to do. He was beyond eager and ready to get as far away from these people as possible. Soon, it would just be him and Steven. No one else.

No more Little Homeworld gems. No more Crystal Gems. No more Diamonds. No more vengeful gems from space. No more stumbling strangers on buses.

_Just him, and just Steven. That was it._

That was all he wanted.

Whether it was wrong of him or not, he didn't care.

He was going to make it work.

Finally stepping onto the bus, Pink found, to his relief, that he and Steven were two of the only passengers on board, with only three other people joining them on their journey. Choosing the spot furthest away from them, Pink ignored the odd glances cast his way as he settled into his seat, getting Steven adjusted on his lap as the bus took off.

To Pink's satisfaction, the steady rumble of the bus, the gentle hum of the engine, and the soft thumping of rain against the window were all more than enough to ease Steven back into a restful sleep, his head lulling to the side before coming to rest in the crook of Pink's arm. Unfortunately, the bus's air conditioning only aided in chilling Steven's damp clothing further, keeping his body wound up in an effort to retain warmth.

Pink frowned, promptly slipping his hand beneath Steven's jacket in order to rub at his bare arms, attempting to warm them up. From there, his hand slid out in order to rub at Steven's hands, his legs, and then... his thighs. 

He paused.

After having fused with Steven, Pink had gotten his full set of memories back. He knew the implications of the things that he was doing now. He understood the human gestures that he had rediscovered over the past few days. He realized what the feelings he had experienced back at the lighthouse were, and now, with his hand on Steven's thigh, he knew that he was delving into sensitive territory. The only thing that he _didn't_ know was why Steven was so uncomfortable with him doing these things.

Why didn't Steven like it when he kissed him, or when he touched him? Pink wasn't a parental figure, a sibling, nor was he any older than Steven himself. Along with that, Pink could now say, with confidence, that he and Steven were two separate people. So, as a person, what was wrong with him? It wasn't like Steven was completely opposed to those gestures overall. After all...

_Connie could do all of that._

Pink's mouth pressed into a firm line, his grip on Steven's thigh tightening ever-so-slightly.

With Steven's memories, Pink knew the full extent of his and Connie's relationship, including the things that they _had_ and _hadn't_ done before. With Connie having come from as strict of a household as she did, and with Steven having never attended a school with other children, they were both left slightly sheltered and shy in their own ways. They were slow in the romantic nature of their relationship, let alone the sexual nature of it. They hadn't gotten _there_ yet, but Pink knew that it was only a matter of time before the two young adults would. Connie would be the first, and most likely the only, person that Steven would ever be with.

Pink couldn't help but feel jealousy overwhelming him.

What was it about her that made Steven so comfortable doing those things? What was it about her that brought out romantic, intimate feelings in Steven? What was it about _himself_ that didn't evoke the same thing?

**_It wasn't fair._ **

He could easily take her place. He could easily be everything that she was. He could easily love Steven in the same way that she did.

And Steven could easily learn to love him the same way.

Steven was _made_ to love other people. He was filled to the brim with the stuff, eager and excited to share it with everyone who entered into his life.

Pink could help but want it all to himself.

As selfish as he knew that was, and as selfish as he knew this whole endeavor was, Pink couldn't help it. He had gotten his memories back, but they hadn't settled in the same way as they had before. His time without memories, where he had given the opportunity to view things from a fresh perspective, and where he had been free to think about things on his own, had left him with a significantly different mindset than he had before. He couldn't help that he had formed a grudge against the other gems. He couldn't help that he had developed feelings towards his other-half. He couldn't help that he had become a different _person_ overall.

A dim light brought him out of his thoughts. Steven's phone was lighting up in his pocket, indicating that he had received yet another text message. Annoyed, Pink took out the device and inspected it. The screen displayed that Steven had gotten another two new messages since the last time Pink had checked it, leaving him with a total of twelve unread texts. Scrolling through them, Pink could see that the messages were from the same three people: Steven's dad, Pearl, and... _Connie._

An ugly snarl forming on his face, Pink entered in Steven's password and began reading through them.

**Pearl:** _Steven, do you have your phone?_

 **Pearl:** _Where are you? Where did your gem take you? Why was it so angry?_

 **Pearl:** _Steven? Are you getting my messages?_

 **Pearl:** _Steven, if you're getting these, please respond._

 **Pearl:** _We're coming to find you, Steven. Don't worry._

**Connie:** _Steven? Are you there?_

 **Connie:** _The gems told me what happened. They're out looking for you right now._

 **Connie:** _Steven, I don't know if you can see these, but if you can, know that we're gonna come find you. Don't worry._

**Dad:** _Steven?_

 **Dad:** _Hey, the gems said that you and your gem ran off? Everything okay?_

 **Dad:** _They seemed really freaked out. Call me when you get the chance._

 **Dad:** _I love you, buddy. Come home safe, okay?_

Pink stared down at the messages, bristling. He shot back a nasty _'Leave us alone'_ to each of the three before shutting the phone off, sticking it back into his jacket pocket. 

He knew that he couldn't trust Steven with his phone just yet. He would try to contact them, to talk to them, to ask them to come and get him. He knew that Steven would go running back to them if he got the chance, and there was no way that Pink was going to let that happen. Just the simple _thought_ of it infuriated him.

 _He_ wanted to be the one that Steven ran to.

 _He_ wanted to be the one that Steven wanted.

He could offer Steven everything that _they_ did. He could protect him like the gems did. He could comfort him like his dad did. He could love him like Connie did. He could be everything that they were and _better._ He would show Steven that he didn't need them anymore.

They weren't fit to be around someone as wonderful as Steven, anyway.

They had their chances, and now, it was his turn.

_It was only fair._

* * *

Having road the bus as far as it would go, Pink stepped off of the vehicle and onto the damp sidewalk below, taking a brief look around the city he had been brought to. 

The driver had stated that this place was called Oakwood. A rather touristy town with plenty of neat little shops and places to visit. Although, at this time of night and with this kind of weather, the there were scarce people still out and about on the streets, the remaining night life seeming to have migrated and taken refugee in the various restaurants and stores around the area, leaving Pink alone on the sidewalk as the bus behind him drove away. 

The storm appeared to have already passed by this area, leaving only a light drizzle in it's wake and scenic evidence of it's presence. The streets were still slick with water, causing the orange glow from rows of lamp posts to be brightly reflected over it's surface. Rain drifted along the curbs, trickling into sewer grates and creating an almost peaceful sort of background noise. Wind blew by and rustled the trees, creating a chill in the air and wafting the musty scent of rain wherever it blew.

As Pink stood there on his own, breathing in the cool night air, and taking in the fuzzy rainy sights, he couldn't help but feel... at peace.

He had made it.

Here he was, with his trophy in his arms, a pocket full of possibilities, and an unfamiliar town to be explored.

In said town, Pink spotted exactly what he had been hoping for. Just a block or two away, he could see the brightly lit sign advertising the "Sleep Easy" motel. The building looked to be in decent shape, not too dirty or small, like some motels tended to be.

It was perfect.

Looking down at Steven's face, Pink watched as a drop or two of rain slid down his cheek. The orange glow from the street lights and the pink glow from his own body softly mixing together to highlight Steven's features, giving a soft shine to his damp hair and lashes.

Pink wondered if Steven had any idea how beautiful he was.

With a warm smile on his face, Pink leaned down to press an affectionate kiss against Steven's cheek, a slight bounce in his step as he started on his way down to the little motel, eager to get settled in for the night.

* * *

Stepping into the building, Pink set his sights on the front desk, where a tired, twenty-something-year-old boy sat, staring off at a desktop computer with a glazed look on his face. Upon hearing the door, the boy sluggishly turned to face them, immediately straightening up once when his eyes landed on the pair. Visibly startled, the employee watched as Pink casually strode up to the desk, stopping to stand in front of it. The gem said nothing, and simply stared down at him with an intense, expectant look on his face.

The boy blinked repeatedly as he stared at the two of them, as if attempting to test the reality of what he was looking at. He was silent for a moment before he cleared his throat, finally finding the nerve to speak up and address the strange duo.

"Uh... How can I help you?"

"Room." Pink stated, his voice echoing in same ghostly the manner that it always had. However, it was apparent that the boy behind the desk was largely taken aback by it, because his demeanor swiftly shifted to become tense as soon as he heard the sound of it.

"Um... A-alright. How many nights?"

"One." Pink stated.

The poor soul uncomfortably shifted in his seat. _"_... _Aaalrighty then._ That'll be $65.00" He stated, wearily watching as Pink adjusted his hold on Steven, slipping the wallet out of his pocket before handing over the debit card inside. 

"Steven Q. Universe?" The boy questioned, reading the name off of the card. Upon receiving a nod from the strange glowing individual, he swiped the card through the machine and began entering a few things onto the computer. The clicking of computer keys was almost deafening in the silence between them, and so, weirded out and curious as hell, the boy began making light conversation as he worked.

"So uh... you headed in from a convention or something?" He asked.

Pink quirked an eyebrow, and the boy was quick to add more detail to his question.

"Is that some sort of cosplay? You got L.E.D. lights in your jacket or something?"

"No." Pink blandly responded.

"Oh, alright then... Guess that's what people mean when they talk about having a _'glowing complexion'."_ He said, letting out a soft laugh at his own comment. Upon receiving only a blank stare in response, he coughed his laughter back down, brushing off the awkwardness and turning his attention back to his work. He handed the card back over to Pink, eyes falling to land on Steven as he did so. The awkward expression that he wore soon shifted into one of concern, taking note of just how sickly the boy appeared. The pale skin and sunken eyes from the past few days were still adorned on his face, having quickly returned as soon as the pair separated back in the lighthouse.

"Your buddy okay there?"

Pink glanced down at Steven, still dead asleep in his arms. Eyes softening, the gem hugged him a little closer, watching as Steven's cheek squished up against his chest at the motion. He couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face. Steven was just too cute like this.

"Tired. Long day." Pink simply stated, eyes now heavy with affection as he stared down at the unconscious boy in his arms, leaving the employee to glance between the two of them, visually confused as he tried to piece together the situation.

"... You guys brothers or something?" He asked.

At first, Pink was a bit taken aback by the question, although, it was quick to dawn on him that he and Steven were exact replicas of one another, something he had nearly forgotten in the midst of his infatuation, along with the chaos and excitement that the day had held. They could easily pass as twins by human standards, and so long as it kept curious and annoying individuals such as this one off of their backs, Pink didn't care if that's how other people interpreted them.

"... Sure." He agreed, causing the employee to relax a little bit, seeming pleased to have brought at least little clarity and normalcy to the situation.

"Cool. Had a friend in high school who was a twin. Ever pull any good pranks?" 

"No." Pink stated, rolling his eyes. It was evident that this guy was just as bored as he was nosy, eager to conversate with the 'interesting' new pair that had walked in, but that wasn't Pink's problem. The gem was antsy to be alone with Steven, and this guy was taking up far too much time for his liking. However, the employee seemed to be oblivious to Pink's cold and unengaging responses, because he kept on talking anyways. 

"Oh, okay. So, how'd you two end up caught in the rain?" He asked, rummaging through one of the drawers on his desk, looking around for a key-card to present him with.

"Running away." Pink huffed, eyes drifting back down to Steven's face in an attempt to stifle his irritation.

The boy nodded, an amused smile growing on his face as he continued to rummage around. "I get it man. I did the same thing when I was younger. Slept in a park for two days. It was stupid, but you gotta do something crazy once in a while, am I right?"

The gem paused, quiet for a moment as he let that question sink in. 

_You have to do something crazy every once in a while, right?_

Pink was surprised to find that the statement resonated with him.

He knew that this whole endeavor of his was crazy. He knew that 'crazy' was mostly likely what the gems back in Beach City thought of him, what Steven _himself_ probably thought of him, what he probably _was_ in this entire messed up situation.

But he didn't care.

He knew that this was what he wanted to do.

And just that one question, that one, little piece of reassurance, was _exactly_ what he needed to hear right now.

 _"Right."_ Pink agreed, a small, confident grin now tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Well, good luck, man. You and your brother have a nice night." He said, and with that, he finally handed over the key-card to their room. "Room 32."

* * *

It was a fairly nice motel room, with a blue and beige color-scheme and an average motel setup.

Two beds, two nightstands, a set of drawers, a TV, a mini fridge, a coffee table, and a bathroom.

Pink's eyes scanned over the room, taking in all that it offered before he made his way over to one of the beds, gingerly laying Steven down on top of it. Staring down at him, Pink took note of how Steven's damp body was already beginning to soil the sheets, with his clothing soaking the comforter and his hair wetting the pillowcase. To make matters worse, mud was still smeared all over the front of his shirt, the patches slowly drying and flaking off of him, bit by bit.

Pink frowned. A fresh set of clothing would be a must for the night, and Pink would have to run out and get them while Steven was still asleep. He couldn't risk taking Steven back out into the rain again, not with the possibility of him getting sick. He needed to stay here in the motel where it was warm, but unfortunately, that would require Pink to break his contact with him, something that he was absolutely _not_ looking forward to.

He took his time, slow and reluctant, but eventually, Pink took his hands off of Steven, fingers now coming to curl tightly around the bed-sheets, attempting to stifle the near instant repercussions. It didn't effect his body in the same way that it affected Steven's, but it affected him nonetheless. He didn't feel heavy and weak when he wasn't near Steven, instead, he felt... tense and strained. He felt like a _magnet,_ like his body was in a constant tug towards his other-half, unable to fully relax or settle down until he was touching him again. He could physically survive without Steven, but his body would never be at ease. 

He watched as Steven's face drooped, no longer as peaceful as it had been just a moment ago. Now, it was strained, his features pinching as his body kicked into work to attempt to make up for the loss of his gem. As much as Pink hated it, he knew that he had to power through it. Just for a little while. Just while Steven rested and he picked up what he needed.

He stared down at Steven's face for a long, long moment before he finally managed to tear himself away, walking into the bathroom to grab a few towels, intent on drying Steven off before he left. However, as Pink stepped into the bathroom, the rather large mirror on the wall prompted him to stop. Turning towards it, he stared into the eyes of his reflection, something that he hadn't truly seen before. Even when he had been in the bathroom back at Steven's house, he had always been too distracted staring at his other-half's reflection to have payed any mind to his own. Now that he was looking at it... it felt... _strange._

Taking a step closer, Pink took a moment to analyze his face. He knew that what he really looking at was just another reflection of Steven's face, although, it hardly felt like it to him.

His face wasn't as soft nor as warm as Steven's was. It was hard-pressed, and cold in it's demeanor.

It didn't radiate the same friendliness that Steven's did. Instead, it came off as distant, aloof, border-lining on being just downright intimidating. 

It didn't stretch and contort with emotion like Steven's did. It was stoic and empty the majority of the time, except for on the rare occasion where Steven had managed to bring something out of him.

It wasn't human like Steven's face was. It was... well, _alien._ The pink, glowing skin was more than enough to be just a little off-putting.

No wonder the guy at the front desk was so taken aback by him. 

However, despite how different he looked from Steven, and despite how different he felt from Steven... Pink knew that he didn't really have a definitive personality outside of Steven as of yet. He had indirectly lived through Steven's life. He had a head full of Steven's memories. He guessed that if he were to eat, he'd probably end up enjoying the same things that Steven did. He guessed if he were to try new things, he'd probably end up with the same interests that Steven had. There was really nothing there definitively separating the two of them at the moment, asides from Pink's overwhelming desire to love and dot on his human-half. That was the thing that made up the entirety of his being right now... and he was okay with that.

At least, for now.

Maybe he'd develop a person of his own in the future. Maybe he was capable of having interests that branched off from things that Steven liked. In complete honesty, he quite liked that idea. The thought of becoming someone far different than Steven would only aid in making Steven all the more special, a thought that Pink found very alluring.

He would get there in due time. After all, he was planning on having nothing _but_ time with Steven.

But for now, he had work to do.

Grabbing two towels off of the rack, Pink made his way back to the bed and got to work drying Steven off, gentle and cautious not to wake him. As he ruffled Steven's hair beneath the towel, brushed the moisture off of his face, and patted the shirt that clung to his skin, Pink smiled, eyes heavy-lidded with adoration as he stared down at his other-half. He watched as Steven's face turned a bit more restful with the indirect contact, and with love warm in his eyes and butterflies flurrying in his stomach, Pink couldn't help but mumble a little tune under his breath as he began carefully removing Steven's wet jacket.

_"... in the future and it's bright~"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next
> 
> Chapter 8: In which the emotional and sexual tension rises to an all-time high.


	8. A Dangerous Kind Of Affection

Slowly easing back into consciousness, the first thing that Steven registered upon waking up was how absolutely drained that he felt.

With a weak groan, he lifted his hands to rub at his face, only to find that his arms felt unusually heavy, promptly dropping back down to his sides a moment later. Eyes steadily cracking open, Steven immediately closed them shut once again, finding that they burned terribly. Finally, swallowing the spit in his mouth, he also came to find that his throat felt sore, far too sensitive against just the small action.

Great. Was he getting sick?

Shifting under the covers, Steven snuggled his face deeper into a pillow, opting to just go back to sleep rather than deal with the apparent illness. However, discomfort slowly started to settle in once he took note of a damp, itchy sensation beneath his head, irritating and effectively working to keep him awake. Begrudgingly, he let out a sigh and cracked open his eyes once again, readjusting to inspect what the issue was.

Steven was beyond confused to find that a partially-wet towel had been spread out over top of his pillow, and after a moment of his groggy mind trying to make sense of it, it slowly began to dawn on him that the towel, the pillow covers, and the bed-sheets altogether were ringing unfamiliar to him.

_This wasn't his room._

Eyes blowing wide at the realization, Steven let out a gasp as the events from earlier came rushing back to him. A quick attempt to sit up resulted in him flopping back down onto the mattress, only managing to have hoisted himself up by a few inches. After a few more minutes were spent both struggling and failing to get into a sitting position, Steven's body began to ache, and he had no choice but to give up. Collapsing flat onto his back once again, Steven stared up at the ceiling, furiously blinking back the tears budding in his eyes, sucking in a breath to try and calm himself down.

He was just so _frustrated!_ He couldn't stand feeling so helpless anymore! He couldn't even _sit up_ on his own without his gem, and even _with_ his gem, he was still so weak!

And speaking of his gem...

Steven turned his head to the side, taking a moment to inspect the unfamiliar room he found himself in. It didn't take him long to put together that it was a motel room, given the general size and setup of it. However, his gem was nowhere in sight, and there were no indicators left behind of where he had gone off to, either. No note. No sign. _Nothing._ The only thing in the room that appeared to be out of place was-...

Wait.

A _wheelchair?_

To Steven’s utter surprise, parked in the far corner of the room, with a red backpack sitting on its seat, was _indeed_ a wheelchair.

The chair itself appeared to have been used before, with a few dings and scratches embedded into its metal frame and worn-out seat. The backpack, however, looked as though it were brand new, with a little paper price-tag still looped around and hanging from its handle.

Steven had no idea what to make of that.

Puzzled, his attention lingered on the objects for a moment longer before shifting elsewhere, eventually settling on the bathroom entrance. Inside, his clothing could be seen hanging over the shower curtain, still damp and muddy from his escape attempts back in the woods.

Eyes immediately snapping down to his torso, Steven was immensely relieved to find that he was still fully dressed. However, the clothing that he wore now appeared to be new and... _odd_. Steven found himself in a pair of dark pink swim trunks, accompanied by an over-sized, light grey sweatshirt. Across his chest, bold navy letters spelled out the word 'OAKWOOD', much to his confusion.

_Oakwood?_ Was that where he was right now? He had never been to that town before, let alone heard of it. He didn't know where to place it in relevance to Beach City, and that alone made his body tense, his mind racing with thoughts and his heart filling with fear.

Steven had no idea how far away he was from home, how long he'd been out for, nor where his gem was. Worst of all, he had absolutely no idea what to do about any of those things, let alone any _strength_ left in his body to attempt something.

Wiping away a fresh batch of tears from his eyes, Steven decided to call out.

_"Hello?"_ He said, his voice coming out much scratchier than he had expected it to. 

_"Hel-?"_ He tried again, only to stop as a coughing fit interrupted him, his throat quickly becoming irritated by his attempts to speak.

Steven clutched at his neck as the coughing died down, his eyes squeezing shut and his face scrunching in pain until it had finally settled. He had been completely caught off guard by how badly his throat hurt, going beyond just regular soreness. It almost felt as though it were _raw,_ like it had been overused, or _Injured,_ somehow…

That unpleasant feeling eventually brought about an upsetting realization for Steven – That he wasn’t sick at all, like he had originally assumed he was. His sore throat, irritated eyes, and fatigue… They weren’t symptoms of an illness. They weren’t even _symptoms_ at all.

No.

They were _repercussions._

His throat was raw from screaming. His eyes burned from crying. His body ached from struggling. He was so utterly weak because his gem, _the one to blame for all of this,_ was absolutely nowhere in sight, and Steven had no idea how long his body had gone without contact for.

And speak of the devil.

Steven quickly turned his head to watch as the door to the room creaked open, his gem stepping inside shortly after. Once in full view, Steven could see that a white, plastic bag was hanging from the gem’s arm. It looked like- It _smelled_ like food. Some sort of carry-out?

After shutting the door behind him, Pink turned to meet Steven's gaze, a subtle look of surprise and excitement crossing over his previously blank features, obviously pleased to see that his other-half was awake. However, the new expression was quick to dissipate upon seeing Steven's red-rimmed eyes, clear indicators that he had been crying.

With a frown, Pink made his way over to the bed, setting the bag down on the comforter before taking a seat next to Steven. Reaching down, the gem gingerly brushed a thumb over one of Steven's eyes, clearing the remaining tears out of his lashes.

"... Okay?" He asked.

Shutting his eyes at the contact, Steven took in a slow, deep breath as he felt his strength gradually returning to him. With Pink now here, he could finally manage to hoist himself up into a sitting position, and the gem’s hand was quick to slide down from his cheek to his shoulder, eager to help with the motion.

"I'm fine. I'm just... not feeling the greatest." Steven answered, his voice still fairly low and hoarse as he spoke. 

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Pink's hands were on his face, palms pressed firm against his forehead and his cheek in an attempt to get a read on his temperature.

"Sick?"

"No, I-I’m not sick. I'm fine." Steven stated, brushing Pink's hands off of himself. He watched as those glowing hands fell to rest on his knees, fingers drifting over his skin in a concerned manner.

Steven couldn't help but feel frustrated by his gem’s apparent worry. How could he just-... just _kidnap_ him like this and then go on acting all sweet and caring afterwards? Steven didn't get it. He didn't understand why Pink, who seemed so dead-set on ‘protecting’ him, would be so content forcing him to be here against his will. It was hypocritical, and confusing, and... and Steven just wanted to go home, to go back to sleep, to wake up and discover that this had all just been some long, drawn out nightmare that he had dreamed up.

But unfortunately for him, it wasn’t, and Pink continued to stare at his face, still trying to determine if he really was sick or not. It was incredibly difficult task, given the fact that Steven already looked so sickly due to their separation. So, after another moment of fretting, the gem decided to take Steven’s word for it, turning his attention away in favor of the plastic bag. Reaching out and tugging it over, he placed it between the two of them before unpacking the contents inside.

Steven watched as his gem pulled out a styrofoam takeout box, a set of plastic silverware, and a small 8 oz carton of milk. Opening the box revealed a small stack of pancakes sitting inside, with a few packets of butter and syrup nestled neatly besides them.

"How did you get this?" Steven questioned, watching as the gem began unwrapping the plastic silverware from its packaging.

"Restaurant." He responded plainly, continuing on with his work.

"No, I mean, how'd you pay for this?"

Pink wordlessly shifted the utensils into one hand, using the other to fish out Steven’s wallet from his jacket pocket, holding it up for the other to see.

_“Wha-_ H-have you been using my- but where did you-?" Steven began, only for his words to fall short as his gem pointed towards the bathroom, where Steven's damp clothing hung.

Oh. His pockets...

In the chaos of everything that had happened, Steven had completely forgotten that he had been carrying anything on his person.

Wait. Did that mean...?

_“M-my phone!_ Did I have my-!?”

“Yes.” Pink stated, curtly cutting Steven off. He promptly stuck the wallet back into his pocket before getting to work ripping open the packets of butter and syrup.

Steven lifted his hands to his head, fingers winding themselves up in his hair and firmly tugging at it, attempting to stifle the anger bubbling up inside him.

_He had his phone on him this entire time!?_ He could've called for help back in the woods! He could’ve sent the gems his location! He could've been _out_ of this whole mess by now if he had remembered that he _had it on him!_

Fingers slowly dragging down his face, Steven let out a groan before his hands fell into his lap.

_That was fine._ It was a hiccup in this whole mess, but it wasn't the end just yet. His phone was still here, either with his gem, or in this room somewhere. It wasn't gone, and that meant that he still had a _chance._

“Can I have it back?” Steven asked.

“No.”

Well, figures it wouldn't be that easy.

“Why not!?”

“You don’t need them.” Pink stated, eyes shifting up from the food to glare at Steven, pointed and possessive. Steven had to fight back against the urge to shrink down under the stare. He was starting to get really sick of all this uncomfortably possessive talk.

“Can you at least tell me where it is?” Steven asked, exasperated.

“You need to eat.” Pink stated, bluntly and purposefully changing the subject. Having finished setting up the food, the gem picked up the plastic fork and the knife, attempting to hand them over to Steven. They were both promptly pushed away.

“I don't need to eat.“ Steven stated defiantly, glaring at his gem. "I need to go _home."_

Pink stared back, challenging Steven's defiance with a stubborn expression of his own. Without breaking eye-contact, the gem stabbed the stack of pancakes with the fork, ripping off a piece before raising the utensil up, hovering it in front of Steven's face.

_"This is home."_

"No, it's _not._ My home is back in Beach City, not in some random motel in the middle of-... of-... _wherever_ we are!" Steven huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Where are we, anyways? Where did you take us?" He asked.

Pink's eyes flicked over Steven's face, squinting just the slightest bit. Steven could practically see the wheels turning in his gem's head as he thought, clearly weighing his options on how he wanted to respond to that. Eventually, Pink's eyes briefly shifted down to the fork before returning to Steven's face, seeming to have settled on an answer.

"... Eat, and I'll tell you." He stated.

Great, so now his gem was bribing him.

He had already kidnapped him, so why not? Why not start bargaining and bribing?

Steven sighed, staring down at the fluffy piece of pancake hovering before him. His eyes followed along as a drop of syrup rolled down the fork, dripping off and falling back into the takeout box below. Steven couldn't help but grimace at the sight, the idea of food still being fairly unappealing to him.

He still felt far off from being hungry, despite the fact that he hadn't eaten very much over these past few days. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he couldn't help it. His body was still reeling from the loss of his gem, and it just didn't seem capable of stomaching very much without the stability his gem provided.

But Steven knew that he needed to eat, whether he felt up to it or not.

So, he begrudgingly leaned forward, taking the fork into his mouth and pulling free the piece of pancake. As he leaned back and began chewing, he stared at his gem expectantly, waiting for his answer.

Pink seemed to lighten up a bit with Steven's compliance, his expression softening back into its usual blank stare. He lowered the fork away from Steven's face, now using it as a tool to point at the wording on Steven's sweatshirt.

"Oakwood. Sleep Easy Motel." He stated.

Steven nodded at the information, swallowing the food in his mouth and watching as his gem picked up the plastic knife, working to properly cut up another portion of the pancakes into bite-sized pieces.

"How far away are we from Beach City?" Steven asked, instantly being met with another forkful to his face. Steven frowned, but he complied, taking the food into his mouth once again.

The action prompted a soft smile to spread across Pink's face, pleased with the established deal that the two of them had managed to set up. So, the gem brought the fork back down to the box, contently preparing another forkful for the next question.

"A few hours." He responded. "Took a bus."

Steven's heart dropped upon hearing that. A bus? He didn't remember riding on bus, let alone ever getting onto one. The last thing that he remembered was walking through the woods with Pink, and even then, he couldn't recall how or when they had managed to make their way out of there. He was clueless as to anything that had happened after that, let alone how much time had passed since then.

"How long have I been asleep for?" Steven asked, concern heavy in his voice. Pink held out the fork, and Steven was quick to eat what he offered, eager for answers.

"A few hours." Pink repeated, turning his head to steal a glance at the nightstand's alarm clock. According to the blocky red numbers, it was currently 4:42 in the morning. "Seven or eight?" He guessed.

Steven's face immediately fell at the information.

_Eight hours...?_

Although it wasn't a full twenty-four, eight hours was still a decent amount of time to put a decent amount of distance between them and Beach City. If the gems still hadn't figured out where the pair had headed off to by now, then they might've made it far enough to where-... to where they might not be _able_ to find them.

And Steven knew that he couldn't get out of this on his own.

Staring down at the comforter, Steven blinked back the tears welling up in his eyes. Tense shoulders rose and fell as he attempted to breathe through it, to hold them back, but it was adamantly clear that he was going to be losing this fight. Letting out a shaky breath, he lifted his palms to his eyes and began scrubbing, attempting to wipe the tears away before they could fall.

Pink sat frozen in place, smile wiped clean off his face as he watched the other's stifled breakdown. The gem was quick to place the utensils inside the box, pushing it off to the side and abandoning the food entirely. Reaching out, he wrapped his arms around Steven's waist, pulling him up from his spot on the bed.

"Wh- Hey!! _Don't!!"_ Steven protested, struggling in his gem's grasp, attempting to pry the arms off of him.

Pink, however, maintained his hold, situating Steven comfortably onto his lap. He adjusted the human’s legs to settle around his waist, effectively forcing Steven to straddle him, much to the other’s absolute horror. With his hands on Pink’s chest, Steven’s hurried attempt to push himself off of the other’s hips was promptly interrupted. Suddenly engulfed in a tight, one-sided hug, Steven found his arms pinned to his sides, his body pressed flush against Pink’s, and his face steadily turning redder by the minute.

_"Let me go!!"_ Steven demanded, desperately trying to shimmy his arms free. His legs kicked at Pink's sides, unable to actually land a hit to the gem, let alone anything else, from the position they were stuck in.

Pink ignored the other’s struggles, hands coasting to rub comforting circles onto Steven's back, attempting to soothe him. 

_"It's okay."_ The gem cooed, voice soft and comforting as he mumbled against Steven's collarbone, causing an involuntary shiver to trail down the human's spine. At this response, Pink hid a small grin of delight deeper into Steven's skin, lips pressing against the collar of his sweatshirt, muffling his voice slightly. "It's okay..." He soothed once more, voice much quieter, yet just as sweet.

Steven's breathing quickly started to become ragged, embarrassment hot on his face from the vibration of his gem's words on his neck. The tears started to flow freely from his eyes, and with his arms stubbornly trapped within the embrace, there was nothing he could do to cover them up or stop them in their tracks.

The way his gem was choosing to comfort him was too confusing, too overwhelming, _too much!_ The words and the embrace that he offered were so gentle and reassuring, but the position he had chosen and the lips on his neck were so sensual, so _forced._

Half of him desperately wanted to escape the hug, to get some space, to get away from _Pink._ But... the other half of him, weak and tired and upset, desperately wanted to melt into this, and to accept the comfort that he was being offered. So, conflicted and confused and frustrated all the same, Steven let out sob, unable to hold back anymore. He collapsed into his gem's arms, head falling onto Pink's shoulder as he began crying, wet and ugly.

Pink smiled at Steven's collapse, nothing less than satisfied by his other-half's compliance. He squeezed Steven a little tighter, pressing a kiss onto the side of his neck before letting out a soft, content hum against his skin, attempting to evoke another shiver from him. He did indeed receive one, followed up by a hearty sob right after. Pleased, Pink continued to murmur reassurances to his other-half, gently shushing and soothing him until Steven eventually managed to quiet down, his ragged breaths slowly evening out, leaving soft hiccups in their wake before he fell silent altogether.

Pink remained silent as well, his eyes shutting peacefully, seemingly content to sit like this for however much longer Steven needed. Another moment of quiet passed them by before Steven finally found the energy to speak up again.

"So... What are we supposed to do now? Are you planning on keeping us here forever?" Steven asked, his voice stuffy and soft. It sounded sad, drained of energy, drained of _happiness_. "... What is it that you even _want?”_ He asked, broken.

Pink sat, still and unresponsive, indulging in the embrace for a moment longer before he finally made to move. He gently unwrapped his arms from around Steven, hands drifting to the other's hips in order to shift him back onto the bed. However, he made a point to keep Steven's legs outstretched, resting on top of his own in a fairly intimate manner. Steven didn't fight it, too exhausted from having struggled and cried himself out for the umpteenth time that day. He watched as Pink returned to the previously abandoned takeout box, picking up the fork before prodding at another slice of pancake. He held it out for Steven once again. 

Steven meekly stared down at the food, too lethargic to put up another fight, let alone comment on his lack of appetite. With a sniffle and a quick wipe at the tear stains on his cheeks, he took the fork into his mouth again, far more somber than before as he ate.

The corner of his Pink's mouth quirked up a little at this, glad that Steven had fallen back into their little bargain with such ease.

“You.” Pink answered, setting the fork aside in favor of the small carton of milk, tearing open the corner before handing it off to the teen.

“What about me?” Steven prompted, taking a small, unenthusiastic sip.

“You and me.” Pink simply replied. Another forkful prepared.

“That’s it?” Steven asked. Another forkful eaten.

“That’s it.” Pink replied, a content expression falling onto his face as he picked up the knife once again, cutting up the next few pieces.

Steven's eyes flicked over Pink's face for a moment, at a loss of what to make of that. Unconsciously, his fingers nervously fiddled with the milk carton when he spoke up again. “... Well, you know, there’s another way we can do that.” He suggested.

I mean, it didn't hurt to try.

Pink immediately stopped cutting, hands going stiff as his eyes rose to meet Steven's, a hard look now settled onto his face.

_“No.”_

Steven frowned. “Why not!? I know our fusion didn’t work before, but if we just- if we just-…” Steven stammered, eventually finding himself at a loss.

How was he supposed to go about this? He couldn't fuse with his gem if the other genuinely didn't want to be together anymore. If his experience back at the lighthouse was anything to go by, then it wouldn’t work, and even if it _did_ manage to work somehow, the last thing that Steven needed was to end up in some sort of Malachite situation. Currently, the only way to avoid that would be to change his gem's mind completely, which was easier said than done.

Sure, Steven had changed the minds of gem’s before, but this was a different situation. He was dealing with a piece of himself here, and there were added complications that came along with that, the biggest of which being his deteriorated physical state.

Steven’s physical form was unlike anyone else’s, and although no one seemed to have a clear idea on how it worked, it was very much evident that Steven and his gem were never meant to be separated from one another. Steven’s current, sickly state of being was physical proof of that.

Since that was the reality of the situation he was dealing with, there was an added pressure put onto him to re-fuse with his gem. Being separated forever was not an option, and if he couldn’t convince Pink of that, then Steven didn’t know what he would do…

Steven stared down at the bed-sheets, a frustrated look taking over his face as he tried to figure this out.

As if the universe was purposefully trying to make this harder for him, Pink set the fork down once again, his hand now free to reach forward, to cup Steven’s cheek, and to drag slowly along his jawline, as if admiring the shape of Steven’s face. Eyelids drooping, and voice heavy with affection, Pink leaned forward in his seat and mumbled. “I like it _this_ way…”

_"Cut it out!"_ Steven demanded, attempting to push Pink's hand away. The action only resulted in Pink forcing both of his hands onto Steven's face, palms squishing against his cheeks while fingers pressed firm against his jaw, thumbs resting just beneath his eyes. The gem's hands remained set where they were as Steven attempted to pry them off, disgruntled whines falling from his mouth as he found himself unable to budge in the hold, efficiently trapped once again. His hands clung lamely to his gem's wrists, no longer fighting, but remaining as a visual sign of protest.

Pink's eyes danced over Steven's features before settling on his eyes, still red-rimmed and glassy from crying. Pink could feel the other go stiff as they made eye-contact, his pink, diamond-shaped pupils expanding as they stared into apprehensive brown irises. Pink's thumbs unconsciously begun drifting over the dark circles under Steven's eyes, smoothing over the darkened skin as he observed every slight shift in Steven's gaze.

He hadn't noticed it before, but tears really did look beautiful on him, leaving behind rosy skin, glistening eyes, and a vulnerable attitude in their wake.

_Absolutely breathtaking..._

Pink let his mouth fall slightly agape, lost in the mesmerizing details of Steven's face. “… You look nice.” He breathed, causing Steven to look away, flustered.

Steven bit down on his tongue, far too overwhelmed by his gem's intense gaze and sudden affection. His hands squeezed at Pink’s wrists as he racked his brain for something to say, _anything_ to get him out of this position sooner than later. His eyes wandered to nearly every minuscule object in the room before they finally made their way back to the bathroom, where they landed on the damp clothes still hanging over the shower curtain.

“R-really? Even in _this?”_ He asked, hands falling to gesture at the comfortable, yet hardly flattering, attire that he had woken up dressed in. 

Pink hummed, his attention drifting from Steven's face down to his sweatshirt. His hands followed in suit, drifting to settle on top of Steven's shoulders, where his thumbs rubbed over the sweatshirt's material. The clothes weren't what most people would consider attractive, sure. The gem himself didn't find them particularly stunning, either. However, the fact that it was _Steven_ who was wearing them...? Well, it made the gem look at the apparel in a new light.

Pink gently pinched a bit of fabric between his fingers, fiddling with it as he analyzed its gray hue. Steven was always wearing his pink letter-man jacket over his dad's old t-shirts, so seeing him something else, _anything_ else, was wonderfully jarring to the gem. Just some plain, over-sized sweatshirt somehow managed to make Pink take notice of how peachy Steven's skin was, how dark that his hair was, or just how brown that his eyes were... It made his natural colors pop out a bit more, and Pink couldn't help but be mesmerized by the color of Steven's flushed, embarrassed face in comparison to his colorless sweatshirt.

It was a funny thing really, how love could change the way that you look at things, could make the boring and mundane a little bit more magical somehow… It was such a simple, and yet such a complex, experience…

"You really couldn't have picked out something better?" Steven asked, looking down at his attire. His face twisted in discomfort as he desperately tried to block out the thought that his gem, at some point, had undressed him in order to get him into this. "I-I mean, why swim trunks?"

"Not many options." Pink stated, his attention drifting down towards the mentioned swim trunks, a strange expression making its way onto the gem's face. "It was late." He explained, drifting in his thoughts.

Pink took a moment to revel in the fact that Steven's legs were now exposed. A rare occurrence, considering jeans had been a staple of Steven's daily attire for quite a few years now. He took in the sight of them, taking note of the various scars that littered over his skin, varying in shapes, sizes, and severity. Pink knew fully well that the injuries had been acquired through years of adventuring with the Crystal Gems, inflicted either by accident or by... full intention.

A deep frown settled itself onto Pink's face, slowly twisting to morph into a scowl.

Steven wouldn't need to worry about anymore gems that came looking for him. The various gems up in space, or already settled on Earth, who were holding their misdirected grudges at him, or who were planning their vicious ambushes and attacks... He would protect Steven from all of them. Nobody else would be allowed to set another hand on him.

Not _ever_ again.

Steven watched as Pink's face contorted between emotions. Unable to tell what the gem was thinking, Steven assumed that his own words had upset him somehow, causing a pang of guilt to ring through him. He immediately regretted speaking badly of the clothing Pink had given him, worried that he had come off as ungrateful. I mean, his old clothes _were_ soaked, and Pink had only been trying to help, and... and _again_ with confusion! _Again_ with the conflicting emotions! Steven didn't know what to feel towards his gem anymore, let alone how he should be reacting to him in this kind of situation.

"... Pink?" Steven called, head tilting to the side in order to catch the other's eyes. At that, Pink went stiff, frozen still in place as he stared down at Steven's legs, although he _definitely_ didn't seem to be focused on them anymore.

"I'm, uh... I'm sorry for saying that. I didn't mean to be-"

Abruptly, Pink was sitting up straight, eyes wide and glowing with a new found intensity as they zeroed in on Steven's face, effectively startling the human.

_"Say it again."_ Pink insisted, leaning in closer towards the other, hands curling tightly over top of Steven's thighs.

"What?" Steven questioned, baffled by his gem's sudden behavior, and unconsciously leaning away from him. "Uh... You couldn't have picked something else?" He repeated, confused.

"No." Pink said, leaning in closer to make up for the lost space. _"My name."_ He corrected.

It took Steven another moment to wrap his head around the situation, but once he did, his eyes were quick to blow wide, his heartbeat picking up at the revelation.

_That was the first time he had said his gem's new name..._

"I... I- uhm..." Steven stumbled, unsure as to how to go about this.

At the lack of response, Pink leaned in even closer to Steven's face, causing the human-half to lean even further back. This continued on until Steven found himself falling back onto his elbows, leaving Pink to tower over top of him in their new position. Arms on either side of Steven's body, Pink stared down at him with bright, intense eyes, causing Steven to shrink in on himself under the gaze.

_"Say my name."_

"I..." Was the only word Steven managed to utter. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, finding himself at a loss for words.

Steven didn't like the look on his gem's face, nor the intensity at which he was giving the request. This wasn’t normal. This wasn't just mere giddiness or excitement at the idea of having his new name being reaffirmed. It was... something else - something that made Steven _very_ uncomfortable with the idea of. With that in mind, Steven absolutely did _not_ want to encourage whatever it was that his gem was feeling.

"I don't want to." He concluded.

Pink frowned in response to that, his eyebrows furrowing just slightly, showing off the bit of frustration he was beginning to experience. 

"Say it." The gem demanded, a bit of anger beginning to creep into his tone. _“Please.”_ He backtracked, offering a bit of manners in hopes of getting what he wanted.

_"I’m sorry, but_ _no."_ Steven stated, as loud and as firm as he could manage, trying to emit whatever power he had left in this powerless position he found himself in. “I don’t… I don’t feel comfortable saying it. Not when you’re acting like this.”

At that, Pink’s face fell, mouth pressing into a firm line and features pinching on his face.

“Look, I know that you’re upset, and that you’re overwhelmed by everything that you’ve been feeling, but you _can’t_ keep acting like this! You can’t just force me to do whatever you want, and you can’t just run away from everyone when you’re upset about something, either!”

_“… Interesting, coming from you_.” Pink shot back.

It was Steven’s turn for his face to fall.

The remark had been a clear call out of Steven’s own tendency to run away from his problems, and of his own agenda in trying to get Pink to fuse with him. It was a low blow, and it certainly seemed to knock Steven’s confidence down a notch, given the way he shrunk at the comment.

But in Pink’s eyes, it was a necessary comment to make, because as much as he hated to admit it, he knew that Steven was _right,_ and either he accept that Steven was right, and forfeit what he wanted, or he shut Steven down, and continue onwards.

Somewhere deep down, Pink was surprised, and maybe even a little taken back, by these decisions that he was making so easily, so _naturally._ Another chance to turn back, another chance at redemption, thrown away, in favor of something far more selfish.

Giving into temptation at the lighthouse was strike one.

Choosing to step onto that bus was strike two.

And now, blatantly shutting Steven down and ignoring the reality of the situation was strike three.

It was too late to turn back now. He was making these decisions, good or bad, and now, he had to live with them, to follow through with them. There were too many of them piling up, and turning back was not an option anymore.

However, because a part of Pink’s mind was still so predominantly Steven, still filled with the ghosts of his thoughts, his feelings, and his memories… there was a part of his mind that desperately pleaded with him to apologize, to turn back, to stop what it was that he was doing. It told him, in such a Steven-y way, that it was never too late to change.

But despite how insistently that voice spoke to him, Pink refused to let himself give into it.

Admitting wrongdoings and accepting responsibility meant inviting feelings like regret, and guilt, and self-hatred into your heart. It meant feeling like a bad person. It meant forfeiting what you wanted, and going home empty-handed without the thing you destroyed so much in order to gain.

If that were the case, then Pink found it would be better to live in denial.

At least here, he could have Steven all to himself. He could have the _one_ thing that made him happy, that felt _good._

He had already felt so many other terrible things through the second-hand experience of Steven’s memories. He wasn’t ready to deal with all that redemption would demand of him.

But just because Pink had made the decision to stay on this path didn’t mean his inner conflict was over. There were still plenty of other decisions that still needed to be made, one of which being how he was going to go about interacting with Steven from now on, especially in their given predicament.

As he saw it now, he had two options.

Option one was to be patient with Steven. Back off, and gradually earn his trust and affection over time. With the others now out of the way, he had all the time that he would ever need to do just that. But… How long would he be willing to wait for Steven catch up? To return his feelings? To be okay with this? …Would he _ever_ be okay with this…? And with those doubts in mind, that lead him into option two…

Option two was to give into temptation yet again. To find a way to take what he wanted, right here, right now. After all, did he really _have_ to wait when he had the advantage in this situation…?

With that train of thought, Pink could feel his self-control beginning to slip once again. His mind worked quick in clouding with selfish intent, aiding to numb whatever feelings of guilt might’ve worked to hold him back.

It was too tempting of an opportunity not to uphold.

With that unfortunate decision, the gem’s hands began gliding down Steven's thighs, fingertips shifting purposefully on top of them, drifting far too close to his-

Steven's face was fast to flush as dark of a red as his sickly skin could manage. His hands flew onto Pink's arm in an attempt to stop him, but were quickly caught. Although one of Pink’s hands was now occupied, restraining and holding Steven’s wrists away from interfering, his other hand remained stubbornly where it was, causing the human to squirm in discomfort.

_"Stop!!"_

"Then say it." Pink offered, fingertips drumming playfully against the swim trunk’s material.

To say that Steven was taken aback by what his gem was implying would be an understatement.

This was another bargaining game, just like they had set up before. Although this time, it wouldn’t be going both ways. This game would benefit Pink and Pink alone, and Steven was absolutely horrified by how ill-intended and mean-spirited that it was.

_"No!! I wo-!!"_

At the lack of compliance, Pink's fingers slowly began slipping lower, stopping to rest on Steven’s-

_“ **STOP IT!!** ”_ Steven pleaded, desperately trying to tug his wrists free from Pink’s hold, frantically kicking at the other to try and push him away.

Pink, however, simply settled his knees on top of Steven’s legs, pinning them to the bed and rendering him immobile. He maintained a patient gaze on Steven as he waited to be given what he wanted. His fingers applied just the faintest bit of pressure, grazing at the material just the slightest bit-

And that was enough to make Steven crack.

" _ **P-PINK!!**_ **_OKAY!!_ **_Pink!!_ _Pink!!_ ** _Please stop!!_** _”_

There was a beat of silence.

And then-…

_Then,_ Steven watched as an eerily wide grin plastered itself across Pink’s face, showcasing how absolutely elated – giddy – _power hungry_ the gem must’ve felt in that moment.

The hand that was settled on him slowly slid back onto his thigh, and the gem leaned forward, diamond eyes practically glowing as he spoke once again.

"Keep going." He requested.

_"I don't w-!!"_

_" ’s not my name..."_ The gem mumbled, hand trailing back downwards, threatening to go lower, and leaving Steven with no other choice than to unwillingly comply.

_"… Pink."_ He choked out, grimacing as his gem's hand trailed over his body, thankfully moving further away from its previous location.

_"Again."_ The gem ordered.

_"Pink."_ Steven spoke, prompting the hand to continue upwards, traveling towards his hip.

With a grin, Pink pressed his lips firmly against Steven’s cheek, in a manner so loving and encouraging that it made Steven feel sick given the current situation. The gem mumbled something incomprehensible against his skin. Steven didn’t have to ask for clarification to know what he wanted.

At the next calling of the gem’s name, Pink promptly shifted his position in order to lean down, pressing his lips tenderly over top of Steven’s navel, right in the spot where the two had once been bound to one another. From there, the lips trailed upwards, placing delicate kisses along Steven’s stomach, and eventually joining his hand on top Steven’s chest.

“Pink…” Steven mumbled, shifting uncomfortably as the gem’s mouth made its way up to his shoulders, brushing sideways until it finally reached his neck. Teeth eagerly grazed over the skin in hopes of prompting a reaction. 

The next calling of the gem’s name came out as a breathy-whine, much to Pink’s absolute delight. Steven squeezed his eyes shut tight as the gem's lips trailed the entirety of his neck, pressing firm against his skin and leaving small, teasing bites along the way.

_"Pink.”_ Steven groaned, half in response to the uninvited sensation, and half in a pleading for it stop.

"Pin-" Steven’s final time speaking the gem’s name was promptly cut short by a hand on his cheek and a mouth over top of his own.

Unbeknownst to Steven, his lips had been sufficiently sweetened by both the pancakes and the syrup he had eaten earlier. It was the first thing that Pink had ever tasted on his own since being separated…

_The experience was beyond divine._

Pink eagerly pressed himself closer against Steven, nearly smothering him in the process. Steven couldn’t tell if the leg rubbing up between his thighs was purposeful or accidental, but either way, it forced him to bite down on his tongue in order to stifle the unwanted noises and that were trying to escape. Unfortunately, once a second tongue was abruptly pushed inside of his mouth, the heavy breaths and moans he was holding back were free to be let out, loud yet muffled against the gem's lips.

Steven didn't know how to feel about the fact that the tongue in his mouth was working to heal his sore throat.

Tears rolled down his cheeks, to which his gem promptly shifted his face to kiss them away. With his mouth now free from being _violated,_ Steven was finally able to take in a breath, and to let out a sob.

_"I don't want this..."_ He said. His voice sounded absolutely broken.

Pink's lips steadily drifted off of him at the comment, his face lifting to hover above Steven's. Looking down, a little bit of bliss began fading from the gem’s eyes, and his expression shifted to showcase how the comment upset him.

"You'd let Connie do this." Pink stated, clearly bitter about how much truth the statement held.

With his feelings of helplessness now beginning to shift into anger, Steven’s hands began curling into fists, fingernails digging roughly into his palms.

"Yeah, maybe I would, but you're _not_ Connie." He shot back. Although his voice was low and thick from crying, it still held a heavy bite to it, causing Pink's lip to curl slightly. 

"I love you more than she does." He stated, quickly pressing another kiss onto Steven’s mouth. "I could be everything that she is." He added, with another kiss following soon after. "I could protect you better than she could." He concluded, a third kiss added to seal the deal.

Steven couldn’t help but notice how these particular kisses were far too firm and forced, more eager to prove a point than to deliver actual affection.

And for some reason, that made him even angrier.

"I don't need to be _protected!!_ And even if I did, the only person that I need to be protected from is _**YOU!!**_ _”_ Steven shouted, cheeks flushed, and chest heaving slightly after he was finished. Whether those were a result of his anger, or from the over-exertion that his body was going through, he didn’t know. Either way, it felt _good_ to say it.

However, it wasn’t even a second later that Steven immensely regretted not keeping his mouth, because the very moment that the words were out of his mouth, Pink stilled over top of him, stiff, and eerily quiet.

A tense minute of silence filled the space between them, and once it finally passed, Pink made to move. Steven held his breath as the gem slowly sat back up, staring down at him with an… unreadable expression. It was _blank_ once again, like it had been so many times before, but this time, it was anything _but_ emotionless. There was something brewing behind it, heavy, dark, and unsettling. Steven wasn’t sure if he could pin it down as just plain anger or not, but whatever it was, it was beyond unnerving.

And it absolutely _terrified_ him.

However, to Steven’s utter surprise and relief, the gem slowly began to slink away from him, his body retracting until the duo’s contact was broken completely. The gem settled himself at the edge of the bed, silent and still, while Steven found himself stuck laying on his back once again, heartbeat still pounding in his ears, and body still frozen from the slowly fading fear that had just been coursing through him.

From his position, it was difficult for Steven to make out the expression on Pink’s face, although he was fairly certain that the expression was repeatedly changing, given the quick shifts of the gem’s eyebrows and quirks of his lips that he managed to catch from his angle.

Steven waited for a long while for his Pink to say something, to turn back around, even to just move, but... he did none of those things. He sat at the end of the bed, eyes trained on the floor, and mind stewing in whatever it was that he was thinking about.

When it became painfully apparent to Steven that the gem would be stuck in his own head for a while, he turned his gaze up to the ceiling, taking a moment to let his brain mull over everything.

Where did this all go so wrong? His gem was nothing like this when he first formed. He didn't start off so angry, so possessive, so _forcefully intimate_ when they first separated.

So, what went wrong?

_What went wrong!?_

The gems didn't have any problems when _they_ got their memories back! They didn't get confused, or the wrong idea, or interpret things in the wrong way! They didn't... They...

And then... it _clicked._

If Ruby and Sapphire had remembered the perfection of their marriage before they remembered messily falling in love... Would they still be the same, or would they have been too overwhelmed by those high standards for their relationship to have re-developed the same way? Would they have allowed themselves to grow, and to disagree, and to make mistakes together in order to create a stronger bond, or would they have given up somewhere along the way? What if it were to substantially change their perspective on things, and they ended up creating something entirely new?

If Pearl had remembered her self-respect and self-worth before she remembered loyally rebelling with Rose... Would she have done it all over again? What if she had remembered the grief of losing Rose before she remembered falling in love with her? Would she have allowed herself to develop and embrace those feelings, fully knowing that the person she loved was destined to fade away? And what if she had known about the person Rose was before they had met? Angry, destructive, tantrum-prone... Would she have loved her just the same, or would their dynamic have been dramatically changed?

What about Amethyst? If she had remembered the unconditional love of the Crystal Gems and the Famethyst before she remembered her days alone in the Kindergarten... Would she still have any warmth left in her heart for that place? What if she were to have never remembered her intended purpose as a war soldier, or that her body had developed ‘incorrectly’? If she were to have forgotten the self-hatred that resulted as a product of those things, would she have grown to become a different person entirely? And would that have been for the better, or for worse?

So, if Steven were to remember the ability to love, cherish, and respect himself before he remembered struggling with his identity... Would _he_ still be the same?

Okay, so the memories weren’t given to Pink in the right order. Steven hadn’t even considered that to be an important detail at first, the order of the memories.

Apparently, it was.

The first thing that Pink remembered after reforming was their fusion, arguably one of the most important moments of Steven's life. That moment alone had erased all of Steven's worries and fears about his mother being alive inside of him, being _trapped_ inside of him, being a suppressed _version_ of himself... It had marked the end of his identity crisis, and simultaneously, it had marked the beginning of his self-love.

The fact that Pink had remembered Steven at his highest moment, the moment in which he truly learned to love himself, before he remembered all of the low moments that lead up to it… _That_ was enough to change his perspective on things. Pink had put that feeling, along with Steven himself, on a pedestal from the very start, while his relationships with the others had been left to be skewed and under-valued.

As a result of that, Pink was a version of Steven who put himself before others, and who held onto his grudges against them.

As a result of their extended separation, Pink was a version of Steven that had formed an unnatural obsession with him.

And as a result of his memory loss, Pink was a version of Steven fresh to the idea of personhood, freedom, and feelings.

The realization didn’t settle well in Steven’s stomach, that his gem-half was still his other-half, still _himself,_ just simply pieced together the wrong way. It didn't matter that Pink had all of his memories back, because the damage had already been done. He really _had_ changed, and Steven didn't know if he could talk his gem out of that. He didn't know if he could undo any of that damage. I mean, he couldn't just _get rid_ of those feelings! He couldn't just-...!

Unless...

_The rejuvenator._

_That was it! The rejuvenator!_ If he could reset his gem again, then he could get rid of those feelings! He could start all over with him, and could give him the pieces back in the right order this time! He could-...! He...

... But, would it be right? Would it be morally right of him to knowingly wipe the memories of another person? Was it really his place to do something like that, despite the intentions he had?

Steven shook those thoughts from his head. This was _his_ gem. This was _his_ other-half. This was a part of _his_ body. It was _his_ choice on whether he wanted to do this or not.

But his gem… felt so much like it was an entirely different person now. He really _was_ an entirely different person, and it didn’t settle right with Steven to take away his memories, to steal away his new identity, no matter how bad he had gotten. Steven didn't know if he had it in him to do something like that.

And so, Steven set the idea of the rejuvenator aside in his mind. He could explore that possibility later.

For now, he could still try and talk things out with him. It was never too late to just... talk things out.

_"… Pink?"_ Steven called. Although saying the name filled him with unease, the forced conditioning Pink had just put him through had actually managed to work. The name rolled off his tongue fairly naturally now. Whether that was for better or for worse was up in the air.

The gem, however, didn't respond, and simply turned his head further away from Steven's point of view. Steven didn’t know whether he was relieved or concerned that the gem didn’t respond to the name.

"Pink, please, listen to me. I think that you’re confused. I think that you’re getting romantic love mixed up with the love that we’re supposed to have for each other."

Pink was silent, remaining still and unresponsive as he was being spoken to. Steven had no way of telling if that meant the gem was listening to him intently or ignoring him altogether So, he hoped for the prior and continued on.

"There are different kinds of love, Pink. It’s not all the same. When you remembered feeling love, that was our _self-love,_ but you didn't know how to interpret it, and the fact that our bodies needed to be fused made you think that all this physical stuff was normal, that it was okay, but it's _not."_

At this, Pink shifted slightly in his seat, his fingers burrowing deep into the motel bed’s comforter, gripping at the blanket with what appeared to be frustration. 

_He was listening._

_This was good._

Steven eagerly continued on.

"That stuff is a part of romantic love, and that's not what we have for each other. I know there's... _a piece_ of it that feels similar, but it's so different. We can love each other without having to do these kinds of things."

Pink’s hands continued to fiddle with the sheets, roughly pinching the fabric and rolling it around between his fingers.

"And... and even if your feelings have… _changed,_ I-I... I don't feel the same way. I'm sorry. It's just... it's just too weird for me."

Finally, Pink’s fidgeting stopped, his hands falling still before he twisted around in his seat, now turned to fully face Steven. He gave his other-half a long, heavy stare before shifting his legs back onto the bed, crawling closer until he was sat in front of Steven once again. Once there, he paused, before reaching out and resting a hand on top of Steven’s stomach.

_“... Do you feel the butterflies, too_?” The gem asked, his voice low and soft, clearly trying to hold in whatever emotions he was experiencing in that moment.

Although Steven understood what his gem was referring to, he couldn’t help but think back to Garnet, and to the time where she had taught both him and Connie to how to handle their emotions, and how to deal with their troubles – _Their butterflies._

Steven frowned, taking advantage of their newfound contact in order to sit up slightly, rising to meet the other’s gaze. “... I think we’re feeling different kinds of butterflies, Pink.”

The gem looked down at the bed-sheets, frustrated.

“Look, it’s not that I don’t like you, or that I’m mad at you. I just think that you’re looking at all of this the wrong way because of how you got your memories back. You think I’m this- this perfect person that can do no wrong, and that everyone else is evil and out to get me.”

“But you _are_ perfect... “ Pink quietly remarked.

“No, I’m not.” Steven stated. “You just _think_ that I am because you-“

_“Yes, you are.”_ The gem shot back, cutting Steven off.

"Nobody is perfect, Pink. There's not a single person out there who is. It's not possible."

"Yet, here you are." Pink mumbled, causing Steven’s brows to pinch in frustration.

"Pink, _I'm serious._ You need to stop thinking like this. It's _beyond_ unhealthy, and it's not realis-"

Before Steven could finish, his jaw was caught by his gem’s hand, squeezed in a tight, angry hold.

_"Yes. You. Are."_ Pink growled, glowing eyes zeroed onto Steven’s face, insistent and unsettling.

Steven winced uncomfortably in the gem’s grip, but he forced himself to keep his eye-contact with him, determined to get his point across.

"See what I mean!? If I really _was_ perfect, then you wouldn't be so _frustrated_ with me right now!"

And then, that was it.

Pink had had it.

His hold on Steven’s face became terrifyingly tight, the human’s skin quickly reddening from the brutal grip. At the same time, the gem’s own skin began tinting a shade of pink darker than its usual hue, a blush formed from the sheer intensity of his anger. Pink’s face contorted, similar to the way it had when he had screamed at Garnet yesterday, and in the same way he did back then, he screamed once again.

_“_ **_WHY WON’T YOU JUST LET ME LOVE YOU!!!!!!??_ ** _”_

Eyes screwed shut tight in fear, Steven was helpless to do anything but sit through the gem’s outburst, the bed shaking violently underneath him from the intensity of Pink’s voice. His eyes weren’t open to witness it, but Steven could’ve sworn that the entire room had been shaken by its force, the sounds of water bottles in the mini fridge and toiletries in the bathroom falling over being a strong indicator for it.

It had taken him a while to muster up the courage, but once he found it, Steven cautiously cracked open one of his eyes, his suspicions being confirmed with a quick look-over of the room.

Framed photos of scenery that hung from the walls now swayed from side to side, unsteady and teasing the idea of falling to the floor.

The chairs that had been previously placed around the small coffee table were now either askew or knocked over entirely. Even the mystery wheelchair in the corner of the room had tipped over to join them.

Both the carton of milk and the box of pancakes had been violently thrown from the bed, having spilt and splattered across the motel room’s beige carpeting. A sticky, unsightly mess that would be sure to leave a stain.

The alarm clock that once sat atop of the nightstand had now disappeared, more than likely having fallen and tumbled somewhere beneath one of the beds.

Steven’s eyes drifted over the mess before making their way back to Pink’s face, and with one look into those outraged eyes, Steven wholeheartedly wished that he could join the alarm clock in hiding under the bed.

The pair sat there for a long moment, neither of them daring to be the first to tear their eyes away from the other. Pink took in and released heavy breaths through his nose, attempting to stifle his anger and recover from the outburst. His breathing was loud, but Steven could hardly hear it through sound of his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

It was a strange thought, and one that nearly blindsided him once it appeared, but… in that moment, Steven couldn't help but be reminded of Pearl, of her deeply ingrained devotion and idolization of Rose, and of her outburst back at the sparring ring all those years ago. Her words resounded in his head - _'Why won't you just let me do this for you, Rose!?' -_ and now, looking up at his gem, Steven's heart-rate slowly started to decline, and a sad expression began to settle on his face.

He couldn't help but feel pity for his gem, trapped in such an intense and unhealthy mindset.

Upon seeing the sympathetic look in Steven's eyes, Pink's expression immediately began to sour, and he turned away, unwilling to look at him any longer.

Steven frowned at that.

"Pink, talk to me. _Please."_ He tried, and with a slightly shaking hand, he grabbed a hold of Pink’s shoulder, giving it a quick, reassuring squeeze. “We can... we can get through this if you just _talk_ to me." He stated.

For a fleeting moment, Pink looked as though he were going to respond to that, to say something, but just as quickly as the moment came, it vanished, and Pink’s shoulders sank with its disappearance. Whatever it was he wanted to say was either lost, or deemed to be not worth it, and the two of them were thrust back into another bout of heavy silence.

But Steven wasn’t one to give up on other people so easily.

"Pink, it’s _okay._ It’s just-… Why are we here? Because you're mad at everyone? Because you’re afraid they'll hurt me?"

Pink glared down at soiled, syrup-coated carpet in response, fingers curling to grip at the comforter once again.

Sure, that was the _main_ reason why Pink had done what he did. He didn't like the others. Everything he had learned from his time without memories had overwhelmed him. He didn't want to be around them, and he didn't want Steven to be around them, either.

But, now...

Now... he was just as bad as the rest of them.

With his separation from Steven, and with the development of his own personhood, came about newfound freedom, empowering yet overwhelming. He now had the ability think whatever he wanted, to say whatever he wanted, to go wherever he wanted-

_To take whatever he wanted…_

And that’s what he had done. He had taken Steven, and he had gotten Steven to do what he wanted, and it had both _worked_ and _backfired_ simultaneously. He got his gratification at the expense of the guilt now coiling in his gut. The option to take things slow and gradually build their relationship had clearly been the better option, and now, it had been completely thrown away due to one moment of selfish weakness.

He had lost control of himself, lost control of his anger, lost Steven’s _trust…_

Having the freedom of choice was a terrifyingly easy ability to abuse, and Pink wondered if that’s why the other gems were the way that they were. He wondered if the newly liberated empire was having trouble controlling itself, too.

But Pink was snapped free from those thoughts as Steven continued with his attempts to converse with him.

"They're good people, Pink, and I know that you are, too."

A scowl with quick to make its way onto Pink’s face.

No, he wasn't.

He _wasn't_ a good person.

How could he be, when he wanted to do these things that he knew were wrong? When he wanted Steven so selfishly to himself? When he felt so _gratified_ while taking advantage of him?

The more that Pink let himself think about it, the more frustrated with himself he became. Thinking about it would bring about self-hatred and guilt for what he had done, and so, in a very Steven-esque decision, Pink opted not to think about it any further.

Steven’s eyes shifted over Pink’s face, somber and exhausted from their one-sided conversation.

“Come on, _please._ Let’s… let’s just go back. We can just forget this ever happened, and we can-“

The abruptness of Pink’s head snapping to look at him made Steven flinch. One look into those angry, pink eyes was enough to let him know that he had chosen the wrong wording.

"Why do you keep _doing_ that!?" The gem demanded.

"Doing what!?" Steven asked, already beginning to scoot away, afraid of another fit of anger erupting from the gem.

"Forgiving! _Forgetting!_ ** _Ignoring!"_**

"Wh- _I-I'm not-!"_

“I don’t _deserve_ to be forgiven!" Pink stated, crawling closer to the human on the bed, continuing until Steven had pressed himself up against the bed’s headboard, unintentionally cornering himself.

"What are you talking about? _Of course you do!"_ Steven assured. " If you feel bad about all of this, then-" Before he could finish his sentence, he was cut off yet again.

_"I don't."_ The gem stated, cold and stern as he glared at his other-half. _"I don't feel bad."_

It was a lie, but Steven didn’t need to know that.

Steven _could_ and _would_ use that to his advantage to talk him out of this, to turn things around in his favor, to try and redeem him. But Pink wasn’t ready to turn back just yet. He had just gotten here, _just_ gotten what he wanted.

"But-" Steven tried, flinching when one of Pink’s hands made its way onto his shoulder, the other settling on his face.

"I _want_ this." The gem stated, hand cupping Steven's cheek, thumb brushing over the reddened, abused skin. "I want _you."_ He added, fingers coasting down until they came to rest beneath his chin, tilting Steven’s head up. _"I'm wrong."_ Pink admitted, fingers gripping lightly at Steven's jaw, firmly holding his head in place. "And I _don't. care."_ He concluded, eyes bright and intense as he glared down at his human-half, clearly unwilling to argue with the facts he had just presented. 

Steven stared back in a mixture of horror and disbelief.

_“… I-“_

Pink wouldn’t even let Steven _begin_ to say whatever it was he had intended to. With his hands now on Steven’s hips, he gripped them tightly-

"I am _going_ to love you."

-yanked Steven down to lay flat on his back,-

"I am _going_ to protect you."

-and clamored on top of him.

"And you are _going_ to love me, too."

And just like that, Steven was swallowed up in another embrace, limbs entangling with his own and trapping him in a tight and intimate hold. His head was forced deep into the pillows as he was swallowed up in another kiss, pink lips and glowing hands wandering wherever they pleased despite Steven's admit refusal. It was violating. It was disgusting. _It was-…_

It was _selfish._

Mark _**selfish**_ as one of Pink's developing personality traits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next
> 
> Chapter 9: In which our dysfunctional duo attempt to enjoy a day in their 'new lives'.


	9. Smile For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song referenced in this chapter is called 'I Get A Kick Out Of You' by Cole Porter. I'd recommend listening to Ella Fitzgerald's version of the song. It's absolutely lovely. :)

Steven didn't put up a fight as his gem settled him into the wheelchair, making sure that he was comfortable before walking over to the other side of the room.

Steven’s tired eyes followed along as Pink made his way over to the mini fridge, kneeling down to its level before pulling open the door. Almost instantly, the various water bottles inside came tumbling out onto the floor, having been knocked over from Pink’s previous outburst a few hours earlier. Most of the bottles piled up at the gem’s feet, however, a few stragglers managed to make their way past him, rolling across the sticky, syrup-coated patch of motel carpeting. Pink payed those bottles no mind, promptly and unceremoniously picking up the ones in front of him, stuffing them into the backpack at his side.

Steven’s eyes stayed on the gem for a just moment longer before he turned away, arms shifting to wrap around himself in a protective embrace. He continued to hug himself as he sunk down lower and lower into the wheelchair, partially from how weak that he was, and partially from how depressed that he felt.

He hated this.

He hated this so much. 

He had just spent the morning being _violated_ by his own gem, and although things hadn’t gone _that_ far - **_thank God -_** it was still more than enough to make him feel disturbed, humiliated, _small._

That was exactly how he felt right now - _Small._

And not just because he was currently slumped over and folded in on himself.

He couldn’t believe that this was all happening. His gem was fighting with others, kidnapping, stealing, and it was all happening so fast, too fast for him to keep up with. The things that his gem did, the way that his gem was changing… all for the worse.

A part this whole mess, and a part of Pink himself, reminded Steven oddly of Spinel, and of her own struggles in changing for the worse. However, the main difference between the two was that Spinel had been hellbent on killing him, while his gem seemed to be hellbent on… well, doing the exact _opposite_ of that.

Steven didn't even want to _look_ at him anymore.

And so, he kept his attention focused on the chair he had been placed in. His hand lifted from his forearm in order to grip at one of the armrests, thumb gently brushing over the metal.

Steven couldn't help but feel, from his ghostly appearance, that he probably looked right at home sitting in this thing. That was probably what Pink was going for, a way for them to blend in more easily given their odd situation. It was a fairly smart idea on the gem’s behalf, and in complete honesty, Steven couldn’t help but be somewhat on board with it. Having the option of using a wheelchair eliminated the need for Pink to carry him around anymore, which was something that Steven was more than happy to no longer rely on.

However, since it was the universe’s personal, hellbent mission to ruin absolutely anything and everything for him, Steven’s relief at having the wheelchair was quick to sour as his eyes drifted across its frame, taking note of the years worth of wear-and-tear that the chair had visibly earned. It was obvious that Pink hadn’t bought this, like he had the breakfast or the backpack. This chair had belonged to someone else, someone who both regularly used and _needed_ it to get around.

Although Steven was more than content to keep the silence between them, curiosity eventually ate away and got the better of him. So, he piped up and asked-

"Where did you get this from?"

Pink was quick to give his attention over to Steven, sparing a glance at what the teen was referring to. His eyes settled on the chair for a brief moment before returning to his current task, rolling up Steven's old, damp clothing within a few dry motel towels, sticking them neatly inside of the backpack once they were thoroughly wrapped.

"… Found it." He replied.

Steven frowned. It was one thing for his gem to have stolen his wallet from him, another thing if he were to have stolen the food from this morning, but to have stolen something as vital and personal as a wheelchair…?

"Pink, you can't just take other people's things, especially something like _this."_ Steven stated, hands gesturing over the chair. He looked back up at his gem, clearly upset. "Somebody really needs this! We need to take it back to where you found it."

Pink’s expression remained practically unchanged throughout Steven’s little lecture, if not becoming more stoic. The gem kept his eyes trained on his work, clearly uninterested, or purposefully trying to ignore, the rights or wrongs of what he had done.

"I won't."

Steven was hardly surprised by the answer he had received, but it didn’t make him feel any less disappointed by it.

"Why not?"

"We need it." Pink simply stated.

"It doesn't matter if we need it or not, _it's not ours."_

"It is now."

_"Pink."_

Pink let out a rather heavy exhale, dropping the pair of jeans in his hands and shutting his eyes, collecting whatever barring’s of his that he seemed to have lost. Once composed, Pink turned and made his way over to Steven, a heavily frustrated look on his face. Steven shrunk down further into his seat, but he made it a point to maintain both his eye-contact and his upset expression, unwilling to back down on the matter at hand.

Stood in front of Steven, Pink stared down at him, his eyebrows furrowed and the corner of his mouth stretched slightly. He looked as though he were about to respond to Steven’s statements, to fight back against them, maybe even to bargain or agree with them… However, Pink’s heavy expression eventually began to lighten. His eyes softened, and his mouth eventually quirked into an almost-smile. Steven’s own tight expression eventually melted into one of confusion, watching as Pink raised a hand to his cheek, pinching at his skin in a playful manner.

"... You're cute when you're angry." The gem simply stated, taking one last look over Steven’s, now baffled, face before leaving it at that, turning around and walking away from him. Steven was left dumbfounded in his seat, unsure as to how to respond to the offhanded comment.

Quietly, Steven watched as Pink finished up his chore, stuffing the last of the towels into one of the backpack’s pouches before tugging a magazine out from another. Once done, he zipped everything up and slipped the bag over his shoulders, magazine in hand as he made his way across the room and pulled open the door.

Steven winced as burst of sunshine spilt into the room, covering his eyes with his hands as he adjusted to the outdoor lighting. Once able to, Steven cast a curious gaze to the outside world, looking over the rows upon rows of other motel-room doors that were in sight. That was the only thing that he could see, no other glimpses of nature nor the new town that they were in.

And then, the fact that his gem was about to cart him off to some new, unknown destination suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks, and Steven immediately began to feel apprehensive staring out the open door.

"Where are we going?" He asked, a twinge of panic in his voice. It’s presence apparently seemed to upset Pink, because the gem was quick to frown, casting his gaze down to the magazine in his hand. He flipped it open, searching through a handful of its pages before he eventually found what he was looking for.

"Things to do." He responded, handing over the magazine to Steven, watching as the teen’s eyes scanned over the photos and excerpts, growing more and more puzzled with the information that he took in.

The page itself was filled to the brim with advertisements for the town that they were in, bright photos and friendly recommendations for places to eat and possible sources of entertainment.

Steven was... honestly taken aback by that.

It wasn't that he wanted to stay cooped in the little motel room, nor that he wanted to be alone with his gem right now. A change of scenery admittedly sounded nice, and a populated area meant that Pink would be less likely to get... _touchy_ with him. But, was he really kidnapped _just_ to be drug around to an amusement park? To be taken out to dinner? To go sightseeing? …Was that really all his gem wanted to do?

“You want to just... _hang out?”_ Steven warily asked, clearly confused.

“Yes.” Pink stated, taking the magazine back from the teen, giving it another look-over himself.

“But… _why?”_

At the question, Pink stiffened a little, his expression turning stony and his tongue poking around against the inside of his cheek. Steven didn’t miss the way that his gem’s fingers gripped at the magazine edges just a little too tightly, thumb-nail gently scraping against the glossy pages. He stayed like that for a moment, clearly debating on whether or not he wanted to answer that question. After a minute, though, he did.

 _"... You're not happy."_ He admitted, the statement coming out of his mouth soft and low, as though it were something he was upset to admit, something that clearly tasted bitter once said out loud.

 _Well, of course he wasn't happy,_ Steven thought. He'd just been _kidnapped_ from his home, _separated_ from his family, and _violated_ by a person with the same face as himself... Who _wouldn’t_ be upset about that?

"You know why I'm not happy, Pink." Steven stated.

This time, Pink chose not to respond, simply flipping the magazine shut before making his way behind Steven’s wheelchair, taking a hold of both of its handles.

It was true. Pink knew why Steven was unhappy, but that didn’t change a thing. He had known since the he was stood under the bus stop that Steven wouldn’t want this. However, back there, he had also made up his mind that he was going to make this work. He might’ve given in this morning, he might’ve pushed Steven a bit too far, but he was going to make up for that today. Today would be a day focused on Steven, on making him happy, _on getting him to smile._

He was going to learn to like being with him, and they were going to enjoy their time together.

Steven didn’t have a choice in the matter.

And said-Steven piped up once again, interrupting the gem’s thoughts.

"If you want me to be happy, then please, take me home." He pleaded, his voice low, sad, _desperate._

Pink was quiet for a moment, palms pressed firm against the wheelchair’s handles, fingers drumming rhythmically along them. He was upset, he was thinking, and the atmosphere between them was heavy until he finally responded.

“... I'll find us one. A home.” He stated.

"You don't need to find us one, because we already _have_ one." Steven objected.

Apparently, Pink chose to ignore that statement, because it wasn't a moment later that the gem had his sights set outside, and he began pushing Steven through the open door.

_"Let's go."_

* * *

Steven had barely said a word since they'd left the motel.

It had been a few hours since then, and Pink had already brought him to a handful of locations since they'd left, all of which he'd hoped Steven would enjoy.

An outlet mall. The movies. An ice cream shop. – Under normal circumstances, these things would've easily evoked a smile from the teen. However, Steven had been nothing short of gloomy since this morning, only offering an occasional nod of the head or mumbled 'thank you' in response to the things that Pink either asked or offered him.

Even with a few toys and trinkets purchased, a nifty pair of 3-D movie glasses obtained, and a lightly grazed at cup of ice-cream in his hands, Steven still wasn't happy.

Their current pit-stop in their ‘day-of-fun’ wasn’t providing any joy for the teen, either.

At the moment, the two were stood in the Oakwood aquarium. It was a decently-sized and decently-pretty place. Ceiling-length tanks full of fish filled up the building, such a bright shade of blue that they practically glowed under the dim room lighting. Simple, white-tiled flooring stretched through the building, so glossy and reflective that it almost appeared to be underwater itself. Furniture spotted the rooms and hallways for its occupants’ leisure, and plaques crammed with information on the various aquatic-life sat on podiums and hung from walls, friendly and informative, although mostly ignored by passerbys.

It was simple. Nothing huge, and nothing extravagant, mainly due to the fact that it wasn’t located in some huge or extravagant city. However, it held its fair share of beauty with what it offered.

Unfortunately, that beauty was doing little-to-nothing to better Steven’s depressed mood.

Pink stared down at Steven, observing as the blue hue of the water gently reflected over human's face, perfectly matching his somber, distant expression. Steven's half-lidded eyes watched as a swarm of small, colorful fish swam by in their tank, passing along a row of coral trees before disappearing into a fake, plastic pirate ship. Although his eyes drifted along with the swarm, it was clear that Steven wasn't truly paying attention to them. He was stuck in his own head at the moment, more than likely focused on his own thoughts rather than the fish themselves.

Although Pink found every expression that Steven made to be breathtaking, including the soft frown and distant eyes that he currently wore, they didn't stir up his butterflies in the same way that his smile did, in the same way that his _laughter_ did. Pink wanted to bring that out of him again, and so, the gem rested his elbows on top of the wheelchair’s handles, one arm falling to rest along the back of the chair, while the other fell to rest over Steven’s shoulder. His hand found a comfortable spot there, fingers lightly brushing over Steven’s sweatshirt.

“… I want to see you smile.” He said.

"I don't feel like smiling." Steven responded, his voice deflated, his shoulder lightly shifting in a silent request for Pink to remove his hand. The hand stayed where it was. Steven didn’t put any extra effort into trying to remove it.

Pink’s lip twitched upwards just a smidge, clearly upset. He gingerly leaned over the back of the chair, arm pushing forward and hand coasting to rest over Steven’s chest.

"... I want to hear you talk." Pink mumbled, his head now settled besides Steven’s, his words practically spoken into the teen’s ear.

Steven grimaced slightly, ignoring the tingling sensation that ran down his spine at the intimacy. God, he hated how positively his body responded to his gem. It derived purely from the need for them to be together, sure, but it didn’t make him feel any less disgusted with himself. He didn’t _want_ to be touched. He didn’t _want_ to be whispered to. He didn’t _want_ to be _here_ right now!

 _"About what?"_ He spat back, clearly unhappy with the small-talk that Pink was trying to initiate.

"... What are you thinking about?" The gem asked, choosing to ignore Steven’s irritated tone of voice. Steven could tell by the way Pink’s fingers shifted and twitched that it had bothered him, though.

_Good._

Steven let out a deep exhale through his nose. He sat quietly for a moment, his eyes drifting to scale the entirety of the tank in front of him, actually taking in the sight of it this time. Another swarm of brightly colored fish swam past, eventually finding their respective spots in the sand and vegetation below.

"… I think Connie would like this place." Steven admitted, his tone significantly sadder. Depressed. _Longing._

Steven watched as Pink’s hand curled into a fist.

 _"Stop thinking about her."_ He requested, voice low and tight. He was trying to maintain an even tone, but the anger behind it was evident.

"You _asked_ me what I was thinking about." Steven mumbled, his eyes lowering down to his barely-touched cup of ice-cream, dragging the spoon through its melted contents in an attempt to stifle his own anger.

"Think about something else." Pink demanded.

"I can't. I'm sorry." Steven huffed, effectively ending their conversation.

Another bout of heavy silence fell over the pair, leaving nothing but the sounds of muffled chatter and soft footsteps from other visitors lingering in the air. Fish ate, swarmed, and swam by in their tanks silently, painfully unaware and unsympathetic towards their personal conflicts.

Another few minutes passed them by like that, tense and quiet. Steven was almost convinced that the rest of their visit, or even the rest of their day, would be spent without talking to one another. However, he was thoroughly surprised once Pink decided to lift his arm off of his shoulder, using it to point to a small, reddish-pink fish swimming by in the tank. He pointed to that specific fish, and uttered one, simple statement.

"I like that one." He said.

And...

And out of everything that Pink had done for Steven that day, out of everywhere he had gone, everything he had bought, and everything he had said… That one, offhanded comment was the thing to make Steven crack a smile.

The butterflies were back almost instantly.

Pink watched in awe as Steven’s bright brown eyes followed along with his fish of choice, his soft, wonderful smile highlighted by the bright blue glow of the tank.

Steven couldn't help but feel amused by the statement, because despite the situation he was in, and despite how overly controlling and toxic that Pink was… he was still trying to figure things out, still discovering new things about himself, and Steven couldn't help but feel happy for him that he had picked out a favorite fish. It was the first thing that Pink had stated he liked _other_ than himself... and it was nice.

If Steven had learned anything from his years of reforming and redeeming gems, it was that no one was a lost-cause, and Steven couldn't help but feel proud of his gem for his accomplishment, no matter how small or insignificant it might've seemed.

"Me too, it's pretty." He responded, his tone soft, pleased with the new topic at hand. He could feel the atmosphere between them significantly lighten, and after allowing another moment of peaceful silence to fill the air, Steven spoke up once again, always eager to help prompt progress.

"Tell me what else you like."

There wasn't even a beat of hesitation before the gem’s arms were shifting, fully outstretching to wrap around Steven’s neck in a loose hug.

"... I like _you."_ The gem drawled.

The comment was immediately effective in wiping Steven's newfound smile off of his face.

 _"Besides_ me." He clarified, making an actual effort this time to pull the gem’s arms off of him.

Pink pulled his arms back onto the chair’s handles and huffed, falling silent as he took a moment for himself to think it over.

"... I don't know yet." He admitted.

Steven blinked in surprise, trying to debate on whether or not he had actually heard a touch of _disappointment_ in his gem’s tone at the admission... If that were true, and if finding other interests was something that Pink was _actually_ open to… then he might have something to work with here.

If Pink were to become interested in literally anything other than himself, then maybe his intense affection could manage to die down a bit. Maybe he'd have a better chance at convincing the other to take him back home.

"... Well, let's find out." Steven suggested, shifting his cup of ice-cream into one hand, holding it up and offering it out to Pink. “Try this."

Pink quirked an eyebrow at the cup, but Steven adamantly held it in the air until Pink took it from him. The gem gave the dessert an apprehensive expression before picking up the plastic spoon, raising it to his mouth and sticking it inside.

It took him a minute, his eyebrows pinching and his eyes shifting over the tile flooring as his processed all that came along with eating – The texture, the temperature, the taste… It was a lot to take in, but eventually, Pink’s expression mellowed out, and he managed to swallow food for the first time on his own.

He didn’t look disgusted.

"It's good." He concluded.

"Then there's another thing that you like - Ice cream." Steven stated, a new smile having made its way onto his face. Pink smiled back at him, attempting to hand the cup back to his other-half. Steven promptly denied it.

"Finish it. I can't eat the rest." He stated.

It took another minute to fully convince the gem, but eventually, Pink obliged, taking the dessert as his own and consuming another spoonful of it. He continued to eat as he pushed Steven down another hall of the exhibit, searching for different tank for them to observe. As they went, Steven had taken the opportunity to think up a few questions for Pink to mull over, hoping to continue on with this little patch of progress they had discovered.

At first, the questions had confused Pink, stunted him, took him long bouts of time to mull over and answer. However, Steven kept them as simple as he possibly could, and eventually, Pink started responding with answers that came surprisingly natural to him. They eased into relaxing little routine, Steven thinking up something trivial to ask, and Pink, motivated by the little smiles his answers would evoke from the teen, thinking up something simple to respond.

It wasn’t what Pink had expected would make Steven smile today, but it would do. He could work with this.

"Favorite color?"

"… Pink." The gem answered.

Steven rolled his eyes, a small, amused smile tugging at his lips. "Of course it is." He responded. “How about a second favorite color?” He suggested.

It took him a moment, but eventually, Pink had his answer.

“Brown.”

An unusual choice, but a choice nonetheless.

"Oh! That's nice. Why brown?"

 _"Color of your eyes..."_ The gem stated, a small smile playing on his face. It was almost laughable how much he sounded like some sort of lovesick middle-schooler.

"Oh..." Was all Steven could manage to reply. Well, this was a bump in the road, but it was something that they could still work past.

"Um… Favorite animal?"

"Cat Steven."

Oh, no.

“Favorite song?”

“The one’s that you sing.”

Oh, _great._

"How about an answer that _doesn't_ revolve around me?" Steven clarified, clearly upset by the loss of the progress they were making.

"Why?" Pink asked, his hand having snaked it's way into Steven's hair, twirling one of his locks around his index-finger.

"Why? _Because it's not healthy, that's why!"_ Steven explained.

Pink gave a simple hum in response, absentmindedly playing around with Steven's curls.

Steven sighed, an exasperated look on his face as he leaned back in his chair. "You don't care, do you?"

"Should I?" Pink asked.

"Of course you should! If you're going to be your own person, then you need to start thinking about things like this! You need to start thinking about things _other_ than me!"

"I like thinking about you."

"Well, you need to at least _try_ thinking about something else."

"I can't. I'm sorry." Pink stated, throwing Steven's own words back at him.

At that, Steven decided to shut up.

He honestly didn’t know what else to say – Didn’t know how he was supposed to respond to that - And so, he didn’t.

Things were quiet again for a while, his gem still mindlessly messing around with his hair as he pushed him through the room, over to another tank. Eventually, though, the gem’s hand retracted, and he spoke up again.

"More questions?" He asked.

Steven frowned. He knew that the request was simply a means to try and pull him back into a good mood again, rather than a desire to keep making progress. However, Steven couldn’t turn down an opportunity to try again, whether or not they were on the same page as each other.

Maybe if he where to make the questions a little less open-ended this time…?

“… Okay. Uh, daytime or nighttime?" Steven asked.

Pink quirked an eyebrow at this, clearly thrown off by the change in format. However, he went along with it, taking a moment to think to himself before responding.

"... Night."

"Dogs or cats?"

"... Cats."

"City or countryside?"

As Pink mulled over his answer, his eyes wandered across the various underwater displays, eventually stopping on one in particular. This display, coincidentally, happened to be of a giant, underwater cityscape. It wasn’t designed to look dirty or broken down like the pirate ship had been. No, this one was new, shiny, brightly lit up by tiny little lights that sat within each of its windowsills. Various fish had taken to swimming around the structure, adding to its appearance and allure.

Pink... didn't know why the display had caught his attention. He didn’t know why it made him want to pause and stare. He didn't know why-...

He didn't know why he _liked_ it so much.

... Huh.

Pink had yet to find much that piqued his interest other than Steven, but the idea of an _actual_ city like that, with glimmering lights, bustling life, bold and intimidating structures…?

For some reason, it reminded him of Homeworld.

And for some reason, that seemed to intrigue him.

 _"... City."_ Pink responded, his voice coming out rather distant, distracted. He had parked the wheelchair in front of the display unconsciously, taking his time in looking it over.

Steven looked up at his gem, puzzled by their sudden stop. He followed Pink's eyes to the display, curious as to what had managed to catch his attention. However, Steven's own attention was promptly caught by a reflection in the glass. Via the surface of the fish tank, Steven could see a group of teenagers standing somewhere a few feet behind them, and from the looks of it, the group happened to be looking in their direction. Shifting, curious eyes and hushed whispers were very obvious directed towards Steven and Pink, despite the group's best efforts to appear discrete and nonchalant.

Steven didn’t feel as though there was anything particularly threatening or mean-spirted about the group, however, they were beginning to make him feel… self-conscious. It was a feeling that he rarely experienced as a kid, but now, as an adult, it was something that he was beginning to feel more and more frequently.

The last time he’d felt this way was back at the roller-rink with Connie, back when her friends were chatting about school, about their grades, about their parents… They were chatting, just like normal people did… and a ‘normal person’ was something that Steven was starting to become more and more aware that he wasn’t.

It was overwhelmingly clear that Steven didn’t know what ‘normal’ was for most people. He didn’t understand school, or the government, or even normal families, for that matter.

And right now, he didn’t understand why those teenagers were staring at him and Pink the way that they were.

Was it Pink? Was it because he was a gem? Did something look ‘off’ about him to most people?

Steven knew that humans had a weird relationship and understanding of gem-kind. Gems were an important part of history because of the war, and he knew that people must've been aware of it, must’ve heard _some_ version of their story. But… but Steven didn’t really know the extent of it. He didn’t know what things were considered common knowledge or not. The only frame of reference that he'd ever had was Beach City, and so, he didn't really know what the rest of the world considered 'normal' or not.

Confused and upset, Steven turned his gaze away from the reflection of the teens, only to find that two fully-grown adults had been staring their way as well. They quickly turned and looked away once Steven met their eyes, apparently desperate to save face and appear polite.

Filled with paranoia and slowly becoming more distraught, Steven quickly turned to see if anyone else was staring at them, eyeing up each and every individual within his field of view. He didn’t catch anyone else, however, his frantic head-turning must’ve been quite a show, because suddenly, Pink’s hand was on his cheek, thumb hooked under his jaw and tugging to make Steven look at him. Intense and concerned eyes stared down at Steven, and in that moment, he took notice of how the soft, pink glow of the gem's body appeared awfully striking against the blue-tinted tanks in the room.

He stuck out like a sore thumb in this place.

“Bothering you?” Pink asked, his voice low, eyes hardening as he glanced to the other visitors in the aquarium. He was protective, ready to act upon any and all of the anger coiling up in his chest.

“No! _No._ Leave them alone, it’s nothing. It’s just… I just… “ Steven started, the flustered look on his face slowly twisting into one of frustration. “… Did people find you weird when we were out last night?” He asked.

“Said I have a ‘glowing complexion’” Pink stated, rolling his eyes at the memory.

Steven frowned. The comment only aided in confusing him as to whether people found Pink’s glowing ‘normal’ or not.

“There wasn't anyone who was freaked out by us? Two of the _same_ person?” He questioned.

“Said we were brothers.”

Steven nodded, his head falling onto the wheelchair’s back, eyes shut tight in frustration.

This wasn’t helping at all.

Pink frowned, his fingers beginning to snake around in Steven’s hair once again in a show of concern. It did nothing to relax the pinched features on the human’s face.

“… What are you thinking about now?” Pink asked, his tone a bit softer, genuine curiosity in his voice.

“… I think that we’re weirdos, Pink.” Steven admitted.

Pink gave a simple, thoughtful hum in response to that, and after a moment, he removed his hand from Steven's head, pressing a kiss into his mess of hair.

 _“I think that you’re beautiful...”_ He stated.

Steven genuinely couldn’t decide on whether the comment made him feel better or worse.

He wasn’t given much time to dwell on it however, given that the wheelchair began moving once again, Pink charting him off to another section of the aquarium.

As they walked off, Pink spared one last glance at the fake underwater cityscape, a curious expression on his face, and a nagging feeling in his chest.

And so, as they left it behind, Pink pulled out Steven’s cellphone from his backpack and began typing away.

* * *

Steven was an idiot.

How had he already forgotten that his gem had his phone on him?

It wasn’t until after they’d left the aquarium that Steven noticed Pink had been messing around on the device, his attention split between pushing the wheelchair down the sidewalk and typing away on it, looking up who-knows-what as they moved through the small bustling town.

Steven had been too quick to mope around. There was still a chance here, still a way to get out of this whole mess and to get back home. On top of that, it was a way that wouldn’t require him to run, fight, or involve and endanger any innocent people.

All he had to do was get to that phone.

That was something he could manage.

Steven could hear the sound of the backpack zipper pulling shut as Pink tucked the phone back inside of it, having finished whatever it was that he bad been doing. With his attention now fully focused on the area they had ended up in, he took a quick look around the place.

It was a town square – A bright, sunny outdoor spot with rows upon rows of nifty little shops and food stands. There was a large fountain at the very center of it all, with spurts of water that shot up into the air in a noisy, but beautiful, display. No doubt there was a fortune of pennies settled somewhere at the bottom of the structure.

Kids ran around chasing one another, teens could be seen goofing-off around the base of the fountain, and adults sat crammed together on benches. It was a beautiful day, and everyone in sight seemed to be making the most of it.

However, what caught the pair’s attention wasn’t any of the stores, the food, nor the pedestrians in the square. No – What interested them happened to be the large stage set up nearby, settled in the dead center of a large patch of grass. A crowd of people had gathered around the display, either sitting or standing as they enjoyed the rather jazzy performance being put on by a cast of young band members.

It only took Steven one look at the display before his mind was lost in thoughts about his friends. He wondered if his dad knew anything about this place, or if he had driven Sadie and Shep here at some point during their tour… If not, he wondered if they’d be up to playing here sometime? Maybe they could make a day out of it... There was probably a bookstore around here that Connie would like... Amethyst would like all the different food options... Maybe Garnet and Pearl would like...

Lost in thoughts and possible future plans, Steven hardly noticed that Pink had parked him at the back of the crowd of people, stopping to listen to the music himself.

~My story is much too sad to be told~ 

~But practically everything leaves me totally cold~

~The only exception I know is the case~

~When I'm out on a quiet spree, fighting vainly the old ennui~

~And I suddenly turn and see~

~Your fabulous face~

As the music continued on, Pink observed several people who were stood dancing along to the sway of the music. Children moved with no real rhyme or rhythm, friends feigned romantic interest in one another before bursting into laughter, and actual couples held each other close, gliding gracefully along the neatly trimmed summer grass.

With an idea in his head and a small smile growing on his face, Pink walked out from behind Steven’s chair to stand in front of him, bowing and extending out a hand to the human, giving him a playful smile.

"Dance?" He asked.

Steven stared at the outstretched hand in surprise, baffled by the request, let alone the sudden shift in the gem’s mood. "… Pink, I-I can't. I can hardly stand on my-"

Steven was cut off as Pink’s hands eased under his arms, hoisting him out of the chair and lifting him up into the air, only to settle him back down onto the tops of the gem’s feet.

_It felt just like before._

Steven bit down hard on his tongue to stifle the smile breaking out on his face.

He didn’t want to smile right now - _he really, really didn’t_ \- but his body’s natural reaction to this, to be practically reliving that moment once again, was nothing short of physical elation. Steven tried to tone it down as much as he could, tried to stifle the smile that forcibly smeared itself onto his face, but it was plain as day that he was enjoying this, his body language alone betraying him and showing it off.

He couldn’t bring himself to stop Pink’s arms from winding themselves around his waist, pulling him closer, and positioning him in a traditional slow-dancing stance. He couldn’t bring himself to stop Pink from leading him into a gentle sway, coasting from side-to-side to the flow of the music, drifting in large circles. He couldn’t bring himself to stop Pink from staring at him, half-lidded, alien-eyes filled with nothing but soft adoration. 

~I get a kick every time I see you're standing there before me~

~I get a kick though it's clear to me, you obviously don't adore me~

Steven was... so confused.

His body felt so much more at ease, so much more complete when he was being held by his gem like this… But he didn’t _want_ to be held by his gem like this.

His gem genuinely didn't want to hurt him, _but he had._ He had done something practically criminal this morning, and Steven hadn’t yet forgotten about it.

But Steven wasn't being _tortured_ or anything right now – He was _dancing._

The situation, admittedly, wasn't as horrible as it possibly could be… But it was so, so far away from being okay.

Feeling conflicted and upset with himself once again, Steven chose to look away from Pink’s steady gaze, looking over the other’s shoulder at the area behind him instead. It looked as though quite a few other people had taken to dancing as well, swaying from side-to-side in the same manner as he and his gem were. However, Steven also took notice of the fact that a few people were looking their way, watching them, for one reason or another. Most held warm smiles on their faces, apparently heart-warmed by the sight of the two for some reason. Although, it appeared as though others had taken to whispering and laughing in their direction, bemused by the sight of two for another reason.

Steven was beginning to feel self-conscious again.

He wondered if it they had drawn attention to themselves because of Pink’s appearance again, although, that thought was quickly dismissed, given the fact that his glowing was hardly as noticeable in the broad, outdoor daylight. He was still overwhelmingly pink in color, sure, but was that really means for all the attention they were receiving…? If it wasn’t Pink’s appearance that was drawing attention, then… was it his own? Was it because of the fact he appeared to be sick? Was it his sunken face, or the wheelchair, or his apparent fatigue…?

But, why would that draw attention? Sure, he needed a chair unlike most people, and sure, he looked a bit different than most people, but… but…

But then, he remembered the Off-Colors – Outcasts, who were shunned and treated different for the simple fact that they looked and functioned a bit differently than most gems did. They were gawked at for the most trivial of things by those who disliked them, like the Diamonds, then gushed over for the most trivial of things by those who accepted them, like Garnet.

... Was that what was happening to him right now? Was he some sort of... some sort of pity-case, or side-show attraction, for these people to stare at...?

Maybe… maybe Earth was a little more like Homeworld than he had originally thought it was...

Apparently, there really _was_ a lot about the Earth that Steven had yet to understand…

And apparently, those troubling thoughts of his must’ve been pulling at his facial expression, because Steven was abruptly engulfed into a warm hug by his gem, his face unceremoniously pressed into Pink’s shoulder, body still being swayed along with the music’s tune. 

With one more spin around, Steven could see that the majority of the people who had been staring before were now turned to look the other way, rather pointedly, as though they were afraid of getting caught looking, as though someone had called them out on it.

Apparently, Pink had been giving them one hell of a death-glare from over his shoulder as he made his rounds dancing.

Steven might’ve smiled at that, might’ve laughed, might’ve even thanked Pink for doing what he did. He would’ve, had he not been slammed by yet another hard-hitting realization, one that was far more important than just some nosy strangers staring their way.

With their newfound closeness, Steven’s face was now directly settled over Pink’s backpack, giving him an optimal view of it, of all its pouches, of all its zippers…

The song was still going strong, people had stopped staring at them, and Pink was still holding him in a tight embrace, showing no signs of letting go for the next few moments.

_This was his chance._

He couldn’t blow this. What other opportunity was he going to get to be so close to Pink’s bag?

He had to think this through, but he didn’t have much time. The song was going to end eventually, and Steven didn’t know if Pink was planning to keep them dancing through a whole second one.

He could make slight movements, slowly shifting his arms until his fingers got close enough to the zipper to pull... but that could be dangerous, could appear too suspicious if he were to move around too much or too slowly. He needed to reposition himself, but…

In a moment of quick thinking, Steven buckled his knees, feigning weakness in order to switch up his grip on Pink entirely. Pink was quick to accommodate the change, his grip on Steven’s waist tightening, pulling him up a little higher as he allowed Steven to wrap both of his arms over and around his shoulders.

Pink rested the side of his head against Steven’s.

“Better?” He asked.

Steven could practically feel the smile on the gem’s face against his ear.

“Y-yeah, thanks…” He stammered, his eyes fully trained on the zippers settled at top of the backpack, and eventually, settled between his pinched fingers. Steven's heart-beat picked up rapidly with the progress he was making, and he hoped to god that Pink would interpret his nervousness as a result of their closeness, rather than a result of what he was _actually_ up to.

He was slow, too slow for his own liking, but it was crucial to make sure the zipper made as little noise as possible as he pulled it open. He didn’t need much, just a hole large enough to peek inside, and eventually, he got it.

Peering inside the bag, Steven could see that the towels and water bottles had taken up the majority of the backpack’s pocket space, filling up the large pouch up nearly to the top without leaving too much room left. There was, however, just enough room for his phone to be shoved in with them, and that’s exactly where it was, wedged between two of the rolled up towels on top, poking out just enough for Steven to carefully pinch the edge of it, steadily pulling it out until he managed to ease it into his hand.

And… that was it.

He had it.

He was actually _holding_ his phone in his hand, his means of contacting his family, his means of getting back _home._ The universe had actually let something go right for him for once, had given him an opportunity without ruining it for from or ripping it away.

_He had his phone._

Steven felt like he could cry right then and there.

But he didn’t. He held it in, and the song lasted just long enough for him to slip the phone into his baggy sweatshirt sleeve. His fingers tugged the zippers back into place moments before his gem’s hold on him shifted, and Steven found himself being eased back down into the wheelchair.

Gently settling Steven back into his seat, Pink lowered himself to crouch in front of him. He rested his elbows on the arms of the chair, hands meeting in the middle to intertwine and make a surface for his chin to rest on. He stared up at Steven with dreamy eyes and a content smile. He seemed absolutely over-the-moon that the dance had gone so well.

More importantly, he seemed absolutely oblivious to the stunt Steven had just pulled.

"Fun?" The gem asked.

"Uh... y-yeah. I actually… I actually really enjoyed that. Thank you." Steven responded.

He tried to give Pink a smile, but it was an unsteady one at best. His heart was still racing from what he had just done, beyond lucky to have pulled off what he did without getting caught. The reality of that statement coursed through his body via adrenaline, slow to wear off and causing his hands to practically tremble. Steven rung them together in hopes of either stifling or hiding the shaking.

Thankfully, Pink seemed to be in too blissful a state to be aware of it, interpreting Steven's behavior as mere bashfulness after their dance. He gave his other-half another smile before rising to his feet, leaning in and planting a kiss onto his forehead.

"You're welcome." He stated, and with that, Pink made his way behind the wheelchair once again, taking a hold of the handles and pushing them off to their next destination.

* * *

"You're not eating enough." Pink stated, shooting Steven a firm yet concerned gaze from across the small table.

Currently, the two were sat in the outdoor seating segment of one of the town’s restaurants. A chair had been pushed aside in order to make room for Steven’s wheelchair, and Pink’s foot currently sat besides Steven’s underneath the table, working as their form of contact.

Steven stared down at his plate. Roasted vegetables over a bed of rice sat before him, cooked with various spices and marinades that made it, no doubt, very tasteful. However, Steven still found himself having a hard time getting it down, only having managed to eat a few forkfuls of the meal over the past twenty minutes.

"I already ate the pancakes and ice-cream you got for me today." He stated.

"Still not enough." Pink retorted.

Steven frowned at that.

It was true. Despite the fact that neither of those things were very nutritional, Steven had only eaten a very small portion of them both as well. Now, there was something actually substantial sitting here in front of him, and he could he hardly manage to make so much as a dent in it.

It had been four days now since Steven had eaten a _full_ meal, and it was a little more than concerning for the both of them.

"I know. I just... I can't stomach anymore than this, not when we’re-... not when we're separated." Steven explained.

Now, it was Pink’s turn to frown.

Pink looked down to his own plate of food, a frustrated expression on his face. Steven couldn't keep eating such small portions, and he knew it. If he wasn't physically capable of eating a healthy amount of food when they were separated, then this was going to turn into a problem, one that _needed_ to be solved sooner than later.

Maybe he could make a special exception for fusion, simply for the purpose of eating? Or, maybe they could try Rose’s water again? If he were to ingest it this time, since his issue seemed to be internal… It had worked for Connie with her eyesight, so what if…?

As Pink pondered the possible options he had, Steven watched him from across the table, feeling more and more guilty with each passing moment. Pink was staring off in the same way that his dad and the gems had done back at home, pondering what they could do for him, what would be best for him... It felt beyond terrible to be making yet another person fret over his health, to make someone else feel _responsible_ for taking care of him... He just wanted to be alright for once, to be able to take care of himself again...

Suddenly, the wheelchair he was sat in began to feel uncomfortable, the idea of being reliant on one, dependent on one, making his skin crawl in frustration. He hated feeling so helpless. _He couldn't stand it anymore._

And so, eager to get out of his chair, and unable to stomach any more food, Steven figured that now was as good of a time as any to initiate the little plan he had come up with. 

"Hey, Pink?" He said.

Diamond eyes snapped up to settle on him almost immediately, intense and attentive. As well-intended and considerate as it was, the sheer devotion that Pink held towards Steven was incredibly overwhelming. Steven would’ve flinched at the intense attention, had he not been getting used to it by now.

“Could we-... Could we stop off at the bathroom here before we go? I kind of need to... you know.” Steven explained, clearly embarrassed by the request. Pink, however, seemed undeterred by it, giving Steven a prompt nod and paying for the meal at the next available chance.

They were on their way to the bathroom within the next five minutes.

On their way, Steven couldn’t help but notice how Pink looked so… oddly _happy_ to be doing this. He seemed so _content_ to just be wheeling him around, getting him whatever he needed, taking care of him...

Steven almost felt guilty for what he was about to do – But one, quick thought back to this morning snapped him out of it.

He knew that he needed to do this, he had to take the opportunity before it was gone. Whether or not he could eventually get through to Pink, he didn’t want to be so far away from home, he didn’t want to be charted around by him like this, he didn’t want to deal with this situation on his own anymore. He needed his family – _wanted his family_ – and one way or another, he was going to get back to them.

Pink didn’t get to control and decide that for him.

And said-Pink pushed open the door to the restaurant’s bathroom, wheeling Steven inside.

One row of small, single-person stalls met their gaze, none of which would fit Steven's wheelchair inside.

Pink, seemingly disappointed, wheeled Steven over to one of the stalls, pushing open a door and helping Steven out of his chair.

“I-I can do the rest on my own." Steven said, slumping back against the seat of the toilet. His gem flashed him a concerned look, apparently still wanting to help.

Pink had, admittedly, been in the bathroom with Steven each time he had gone at the house. He stood faced away, but always with a hand settled somewhere on Steven for support. He could easily do the same right now, but in order for his plan to work, Steven needed Pink on the other side of the door.

“I-it’s just so cramped in these stalls, you know? A-and I just kind of want some privacy, if that’s okay.” Steven stated.

Pink still looked a bit hesitant-

“I’ll let you know if I need help.” Steven promised.

... But he complied, stepping out of the stall and shutting the door behind him. He kept the stall door closed with his hand, knowing that Steven wouldn’t be able to get up from the seat to lock it himself.

Once alone, Steven quickly retrieved his phone from his sleeve, clicking it to life and going into his messages. He was immediately faced with numerous unfamiliar texts sent to him by Pearl, Connie, and his dad over the past day and a half, all of which had been opened and read already. They asked him what was going on, where he was, and if he was okay. Apparently, Pink had shot them each back a plain, simple message that instructed them to “Leave us alone.”

But Steven didn’t have time to be upset about that right now.

He went to turn his phone on silent, only to find that it already was. 

_No wonder he hadn't heard the barrage of messages back in the woods._

Pushing down the frustration steadily building up in his chest, Steven opened up a new group-text between the four of them and got to work.

**Steven:** _Guys, it’s me._

 **Steven:** _We’re in Oakwood, at the Sleep Easy motel._

 **Steven:** _I need help._

 **Steven:** _DO NOT RESPOND TO THESE!!!_

After hitting send, Steven stared down at the phone screen for a moment longer, an uncertain expression on his face, and an uneasy feeling in his gut…

After a moment of deliberation, he began typing once again.

**Steven:** _Bring the rejuvenator._

After the message had sent, he immediately deleted the group chat, powering down his phone and slipping it back into his sleeve. He leaned back against the toilet seat and sighed.

Now, it was just a waiting game.

He had done as much as he could.

* * *

The orange hues of the afternoon sunset were slowly being pushed down by tones of purple, the nighttime sky getting ready to take its place over the day. Streetlights popped on to prepare for its arrival, and most people seemed to be either making their way back home, or to more of the night-life locations in town.

The park that the pair were currently strolling through was almost completely empty, and Steven watched as flowering bushes and empty swing-sets rattled in the breeze. It was a rather peaceful sight, but Steven just couldn’t seem to calm his nerves.

“So, are we doing anything else, or are we heading back to the motel now?” Steven asked, trying his best to sound casual, although his voice couldn’t help but come out a bit unsteady.

He didn’t know if the others would already be at the motel by the time they got back, or if they would still on their way. Whichever it was, he was going to be seeing them soon, and Steven desperately hoped that whatever fight broke out between them and Pink would go in his favor. He didn’t know what he would do if they managed to escape again.

“Not the motel.” Pink stated.

“Oh, then what did you want to do?”

Good, maybe this would give them more time to-

“Train station.”

_... Steven could’ve sworn that his heart had stopped at that very moment._

“Wh- uh… Wh-why a train? A-are we going somewhere?” Steven asked, tripping over his words an embarrassing amount.

“To the city.” Pink responded, slowing his wheelchair to a stop as he shifted his shoulders, sliding the backpack off of them. “I want to see it.” He said, unzipping and rummaging around inside. "Found a good hotel."

_Oh no…_

_Nonononono-_

_“B-but, uh._ I-It's nice you wanna see the city, b-but I was actually starting to like the motel back there! Do you think we could stay? Just for one more night?” Steven asked, a little too much desperation in his tone. He watched as his gem’s expression began to fall, hand pulling out of the bag in order to fully unzip it, looking around inside.

“You uh... leave something back at the motel? Should we go check?” Steven nervously asked.

 _He was overdoing it!_ _Damn it, he was overdoing it!_

Pink’s head snapped up to look at him, eyes squinting suspiciously, _angrily_. He zipped the bag back up before marching in front of Steven, hands promptly grabbing at his shoulders before feeling around his body.

 _“Hey!_ What are you doi- _Stop it!!”_ Steven shouted, grabbing at his gem’s hands in an attempt to push them away. Pink took a hold of Steven’s arms with the intent to push them aside, however, he paused, one of his hands unintentionally grabbing a hold of the phone through Steven’s sweatshirt sleeve.

Frozen in place, Steven nervously stared into his gem’s eyes, which stared back, wide and steadily growing more and more furious. Pink immediately grabbed Steven’s wrist and pulled his arm straight, his other hand reaching into the sleeve to retrieve the phone.

He maintained his eye-contact with Steven, making a show out of dropping his phone onto the ground, his heel steadily lifting up before slamming down onto the device. It burst into pieces under his foot, glass and plastic splintering and scattering across the dirt and grass.

 _“My phone!!”_ Steven shouted, staring down at the wreckage in horror.

His only means of communication with his family was now broken beyond repair.

He wasn't given much time to mourn the loss, however, as Pink took a hold of the chair's armrests in a white-knuckled grip, leaning forward and giving Steven the coldest glare that he had ever seen in his life.

For someone who promised to protect him, Steven was absolutely convinced in that moment that his gem was going to kill him.

"You."

_"Are."_

**_"Mine."_ **

He stated, the words leaving his mouth through gritted teeth. Steven was helpless to do anything but shut his eyes tight, waiting for Pink to be done.

And eventually, he was. Steven listened to the sounds of Pink stomping back behind the wheelchair, stating a firm _"We're leaving."_ before he proceeded to push Steven down the pathway, far quicker and rockier than his previous leisurely pace. He could practically feel the anger radiating off of his gem as they made their way out of the park, back onto the sidewalk, and back into the town - _The town that they were about to leave behind._

Steven didn’t know what to do.

_What was he supposed to do?_

**_What was he supposed to do!?_ **

He was too uncertain to act, too scared to speak. Steven didn’t know how long he sat there, frozen in his seat, brain wildly flying between everything and nothing at all, before he noticed that the sky was getting darker, and the train station was coming into view.

Whether or not he knew what to do, he _had_ to do something. _Now._

 _"Wait!_ Wait, Pink! Please stop! Please listen to me!" Steven pleaded.

And to Steven’s surprise, he did stop. He stopped, right outside the entrance to the station. He didn’t move, didn’t take his hands off the chair’s handles, didn’t speak. He didn’t do anything.

And that’s when Steven realized that Pink was giving him a chance.

He was giving him a chance, and oh God, Steven didn't know what to do with it.

Steven didn't have it in himself to look up at the gem, and so, he kept his eyes trained on his lap, where his hands squeezed at the tops of his thighs.

He didn’t have anything planned. He just had to go with whatever came to mind.

"I'm... I'm sorry that I tried to contact the others, and I'm sorry that I went behind your back, but I just... I _miss_ them, Pink. Whether you like it or not, they're a part of my life and I love them, and I _want_ to see them again."

A brief moment of silence passed them by, and then, Steven could feel the chair begin moving once again.

_That wasn't good enough._

Panic immediately flooded his system, and Steven made as much of an effort as he could to drag his heels against the ground, exerting whatever strength he had to try and stall the wheelchair’s movement.

 _"Pink!!_ I-I know that you don't want to go back, b-but I'll-... I-I'll stay unfused with you if we do! I'll hang out with you everyday! I'll do whatever you want, just- _please!_ Please, let's go _home."_

"... This _is_ what I want." Pink stated. He pushed the chair closer towards the entrance, and Steven pushed his heels harder against the ground.

 _"Please!!_ Please reason with me here!! Let's work something out!! Let's find a middle ground, or something that works for both of us, or-"

"I don't have to." Pink stated firmly. He stopped in his tracks, but only to shoot a cold, icy glare down at Steven.

 _"What are you going to do about it...?"_ He asked, as if inviting Steven to challenge him. To fight back with the strength that he knew he didn't have. To call for the help he knew wouldn't come. To convince him with the words he knew he couldn’t find.

Steven's heart dropped.

_Nothing... there was nothing that he could do about it._

His family was coming to rescue him at the wrong location.

His gem was going to take him somewhere even farther away from his home.

The warmth and contentment his gem had been filled with today had completely soured, and now, Steven had no idea where this cold and angry demeanor was going to lead him.

And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

The sunken and defeated look on his face was enough of an answer for the gem. Pink turned his attention away from Steven and back to the entrance of the station. With a cold expression on his face, and a new, determined demeanor about him-

He stepped inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next
> 
> Chapter 10: In which city sights and luxuries go to Pink's head, and lead him to discover that he's more of a Diamond than he originally thought.


End file.
